She worked out she’d lost hours, as already the day was drifting into late afternoon. She’d lost precious family time after falling and hitting her head. She’d lain in the darkness and wasn’t found by rescuers for several hours. Even without being knocked unconscious, Ruby knew the outcome would be the same. Over eleven hours or eleven days, it made no difference. She was here now, and she knew she was not insane.
Her family were dead.
She touched the bruised area on the back of her head and winced. Gingerly, she pulled her hand away and inspected her fingers, but saw no blood. Ruby walked around the edge of the crater, hoping to catch a glimpse of life – a movement or shout for help. Something, anything to prove her parents or siblings were still alive. Only devastation and darkness reflected back the image of mangled memories. Memories of a happy family life. Of a home brought to its knees by grown men in machines. Ruby had never understood the point of this war, no matter how many times her father drilled into them why it was necessary.
She thought back to when her dark-haired, brown-eyed nine-year-old brother, with his forever-grazed knees, ill-fitting socks and stick-thin legs which dangled from his baggy shorts, had announced he was going to be a soldier and fight for his country. Their mother had laughed and told him to wash his hands and eat his breakfast. With two front teeth missing, he often produced a lisped retort or a cheeky statement. Only that morning he’d teased her for having droopy drawers. James, named for their father, had been a loving soul. Their twelve-year-old sister Lucy had been a quiet, serious girl, her nose forever in a book, and her love of animals, especially cats, frustrated their parents as every day a stray would be brought home and fed. Lucy pleaded for a pet of their own, but their father forbade it and would shake his head and state they already had Coventry’s largest collection of animals hovering in the lane behind the house; he could not be doing with one indoors.
How could her family’s spirited energy disappear so suddenly? In such a cruel way? Painful thoughts dug deep inside and Ruby allowed them space to run free, until a sickness clawed inside her gut.
No more walks on the common, no more hide-and-seek, where her brother would peek from between open fingers. No more listening to the soft voice of Lucy reciting a poem, or her neat and tidy mother singing a verse or two of a song from the radio. No more them. No longer would Ruby use the term us when referring to her family.
The dark hole glared back at her, mocking her tears, tearing her heart in two each time she blinked down in hope.
Even the sunshine had given up trying to spread cheer and waned behind clouds, refusing to dress up such a hideous sight. Ruby shivered and staggered to one side. With a glance back down into the dark abyss, she teetered on the dislodged bricks. Was she meant to jump? What was she to do? How was she meant to survive alone?
Screams and shouting filled her ears. A little girl called out for her mother in the distance, but Ruby remained rooted to the spot. The child was not her problem. Guilt washed over her. Should she make the girl her problem? Should she leave this place – the grave of her family – for there was no reassurance on this earth which would allow her to think they could be rescued. If she had not taken outgrown clothes to her mother’s friend in Lammas Road, she’d have been with her family, enjoying their love, their laughter. More guilty feelings washed over Ruby. She should have been there. It was her mother’s fault. Ruby’s mind spun out reasons and accusations so fast she found it hard to concentrate. Eventually, she stopped and took a deep breath to gain control of her emotions.
What difference would it have made? She’d be dead instead of staring down into the centre of the planet. Either way, she’d be alone. Feeling nothing. Why didn’t she feel anything? Why wasn’t she crying? Slowly a fear crept into her veins. Now she was feeling something. Now she felt alone. No mother telling her off for not folding her clothes. No father reprimanding her for returning ten minutes later than normal. Never again would she hear his sermons. Ruby knew her father had loved them, but he’d struggled to express his feelings. He had good days when he made them laugh, but Ruby now realised his gloomy outlook was because of the never-ending war talk, and she wondered if he’d thought Christmas would be their last together. If he’d thought it, he’d been right, and she was grateful to him for trying so hard. Her family rarely laughed together but when they did the world was a good place to be, even during wartime in England.
Ruby pulled her coat around her as the temperature dropped, when it dawned on her she’d never hear their voices or laughter again. Disbelief set in.
Surely not? There must be life down there. She had to fight for them. Their family business, Shadwell’s Grocery, the place where she’d worked day and night, gone.
‘Here! My family! They are down there,’ she called out.
‘Get away from there, girl. It’s dangerous,’ a male voice bellowed out above the many sounds echoing out around the city.
Ruby turned to see who was talking, and she saw his tin hat bobbing up from a large hole in the ground. The man threw bricks and slates to one side. His plump face glistened with sweat and white vapours escaped his mouth and nostrils as he worked.
‘Get away. There’ll be no survivors down there. I’m sorry if they are yours, duck, but you must get away. Find somewhere safe. Don’t go to town – it’s bad there. Very bad. Those flames –’ he pointed to a red-gold skyline ‘– it’s the cathedral. There’s no hope left here.’ The man drooped his head, his voice gentle yet firm. Ruby said nothing, mesmerised by the flesh wobbling beneath his chin – a flash reminder of her mother. The man was the opposite to her father, whom her mother had often described as scrawny, and Ruby took after him. The man repeated his instructions and returned to clearing rubble, and Ruby shrugged her shoulders. Where’s safe? she thought. How would she find safe without her parents to guide her?
‘Get away, girl. There’s nothing you can do – it’s a mess. Go to a shelter. Get yourself to safety. Follow her,’ a man in Home Guard uniform shouted and nodded in the direction of a woman walking with a baby in her arms, but Ruby ignored him.
She stood and watched as he pulled at pipes and bricks from the doorway of a house which still had some resemblance to a home.
A fierce hissing sound penetrated into the many noises nearby, followed by a loud explosion forcing her to the ground. Ruby fell backwards, away from the crater. It was a sign. Time for her to leave.
The man who’d encouraged her to leave earlier groaned several feet away. Ruby scrambled to her feet. Before she could reach him, he was upright and brushing his hands against his trousers.
‘You still here?’ he said and moved towards her, his hands held out to her. Ruby noticed the thick mud still clinging to them and kept hers to her side.
She remained silent. Her legs refused to move.
‘Young woman here needs attention. Anyone? Family trapped in this one and I can’t leave.’
She listened as he barked out requests and instructions. He represented life. She needed to be near him, to hear his voice above the sirens and screams. She took a step towards him.
‘Gas!’ someone from behind them shouted, and the man turned their way then back to Ruby, his voice thick with concern.
‘The pipes are blowing. Get away, girl – how many times do I have to tell you? Run for your life. You are one of the lucky ones. Run.’