write what you love
“Thank you,” I whisper, my words swallowed by the sound of the waves. I rest my hand on Elliot’s cheek before kissing him again, but nothing about our kiss grows needy or desperate. The kiss is slow, our tongues entwining gently, his hands cupping my face as we separate breathlessly.
“Come on,” Elliot says, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. I can hear the happiness in his voice and I know he’s smiling.
Elliot jogs down the beach, me trailing behind him giggling as I stumble trying to navigate the beach in the dark.
He stops suddenly taking me in his arms and swinging me around. My feet leave the sand as he turns in a circle making me laugh like crazy.
My face is buried in his neck, my arms cinched tightly around his shoulders as he laughs and says, “Nora, you make me want to know everything about you. Tell me everything. Your deepest fears, your biggest regrets; I want it all.”
He smells of coconut and the ocean, a smell that will always be unique to him. I press my nose to his neck, breathing deeply and trying to remember what he smells like, what it feels like to be in his arms, what it feels like to be this happy. It’s a feeling I want to hold onto forever.
Elliot sets me down and races up the ramp to a lifeguard tower. I stand confused, looking up at the tower when he reappears with a few blankets in his arms.
“Do you want to sleep out under the stars?” he asks and while my first concern is safety, I toss the thought aside and respond, “Yes.” Not even questioning how he knew there’d be blankets in that tower or why it was open.
My father would kill me if he knew what I was doing right now. I’m supposed to be the sensible one. Fuck that, why does Alice get to have all the fun?
We hit up a convenient store just a few yards shy of the beach. Picking up snacks, drinks, a pack of gum and somehow scoring a fifth of Jack before returning to the beach.
Elliot lays one of the blankets out on the sand and we lie next to each other, cuddling close and covering ourselves with the other blanket.
We pass the bottle of Jack back and forth, each of us taking a deep swallow until I feel myself grow lightheaded.
We chat mindlessly about everything, except what normal teenagers would discuss. Left out of the conversation is where we’ll attend college in the fall and friends and high school stories. They all seem inconsequential. Only sharing our ages, Elliot being nineteen and me eighteen.
All the light has gone from the beach along with the people, only a few left walking dogs or packing up. It’s well after midnight and we polish off the last of the alcohol, both of us buzzed, me more than Elliot. Giggling and joking as he talks about what it would be like to live off the grid in Alaska and me poking him in the side wondering how a boy raised at the beach would fare in that environment.
“You’ll never make it,” I say, hiccupping at the end, making Elliot let out a deep, throaty laugh. It’s sexy as hell; everything about him is. It’s his natural way that attracted me to him, the ease he has with himself.
“And you would?” he says straddling my hips and pinning my arms above my head. “You just admitted to me you’re afraid of the dark.”
Having his body looming over mine sends my mind into a tailspin, I can’t think straight, and when he leans in close, his lips brushing my neck as he whispers, “Don’t worry, I’d protect you,” I’m done for.
What happens next is completely predictable, at least in my mind it is. I lean up and kiss him hard, my hands immediately going for the button on his shorts. My fuzzy brain is trying to process exactly what is happening as my body reacts before I have time to consider what I’m about to do.
I’ve said no, plenty of times, even to my most recent boyfriend back home, who eventually dumped my ass because I wouldn’t put out. It wasn’t like I was a prude. I’ve had sex with a few guys, but here in the darkness of this beach with Elliot, it comes down to one simple thing. Desire.
Before I can shove Elliot’s shorts down his hips, he reaches into his back pocket, removing his wallet along with a condom. I push his shorts down, my skirt pushed up around my waist, as I hear the rasp of the foil packet being torn open.
At this point, too far gone to turn back, he still asks, “Are you sure?”
Knowing he needs a response, needing him to know this isn’t a drunken mistake that I will regret in an hour, I look up at him, our eyes locking, our breathing remarkably steady and although I know the risks of what I’m about to do, I hear myself breathe out the word, “Yes.”
So there is no mistake about my decision, I say it again.
“Yes,” I moan out, my hands tangled in his hair.
Fueled by lust and probably alcohol, I know I’m making a choice that can’t be taken back and in this moment, I don’t ever want to.
I feel him slowly enter me and pull out, sliding in gently once again, our breathing growing labored and our mouths exploring each other. All of it coming together beautifully and simply and so right that I know my life will be changed forever.
Afterward, we lay together, our arms wrapped around each other, the sound of the waves and the salty sea air mixed with sweat and sex, a lullaby that soothes us to nearly sleeping.
“Why does it feel this way?” I ask, my voice nearly inaudible over the sound of the ocean. “This intense.”
Without pausing to think Elliot replies with, “Because I was meant to find you.” My eyes fall closed, a loose smile on my mouth. His words are far more perfect than anything that has ever been said to me. And as the stillness of the night covers us, Elliot whispers, “Good night, sweet girl.” But then among the rushing waves and as sleep tugs at me, I feel like I hear Elliot say, “I think I’m falling in love with you, Nora.”
I dream of a life with Elliot; a quiet existence of comforting silences and the peace of having someone love you.
I wake the next morning, early, the sun just beginning to rise as Elliot presses his lips to my neck. Soft, tiny kisses easing me from sleep. The murmur of his voice soothing me.
“Don’t wake up. Sleep, my beautiful girl,” he says, whispering in my ear. His fingers trail down my cheek making my eyes close. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get coffee.”
His lips touch mine in the briefest of kisses, before I mutter back, “No. Stay, please.”
“I promise, I’ll be right back. I can’t live without you, Nora.”
His words make me smile and I drift off to sleep once again.
I wake only a few minutes later to the sound of my cell phone ringing. It takes a few seconds for me to register exactly what it is. My head is clouded with the haze of sleep and a slight hangover. I fish through my purse, pulling it out, I answer with a groggy, “Hello.”
“Where the fuck are you!?” Alice screams down the phone.
“Alice…” I start, but she cuts me off.
“Get your fucking ass back here. Now! Your flight leaves in an hour.”
“Fuck!” I yell out in response, scrambling to my feet as I grab my shoes and run toward the road.
“Dad is going to fucking kill me if you miss your flight. I can’t believe you were so irresponsible.”
I can’t even respond to her. If this isn’t the pot calling the kettle black as she continues to berate me for behavior that is completely normal for her.