“He insulted my blanket. Turns out, I’m oddly defensive of it.” And you too, I could add, but I won’t. Instead, I shrug off my coat and hang it on the hook.
“No one’s ever spoken up to him on my behalf before.”
That makes me sad, and I have to smash my lips together as I comprehend that statement. He’s luring me in, and I can’t let him. I know where this leads, and it’s deadly for me.
“Good night, Wes.”
I’m almost through my bedroom doorway when he calls out, “I didn’t want anything to do with her, okay?”
I turn around, confused.
He adds, “The blonde at the bar. I threw her number out as soon as you walked away. I didn’t even show the guys I’d gotten it.”
I shake my head and lift my shoulders. “You want a medal for that?”
“I want you to know that I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Everything.”
His statement is bold and way too broad.
“I need specifics.”
“For accusing you of playing a game. For calling you some girl. You’re not just any girl. I know that.”
My heart is loving the words coming from his mouth, but my head knows better than to fall for it. “No. I’m so much more than some side piece.”
“You were never a side piece.”
“I was fine for hooking up with. You asked to keep it a secret, and I agreed. What boggles my mind is why you had to flip the switch on me.”
“I’m not perfect, Stacey.”
“Clearly.”
“Fuck. Will you just let me apologize and stop making this so hard?”
“No.” I raise my chin. “Why the change of heart? For a week, you acted like I didn’t exist.”
“You gave me the cold shoulder first.” He rises and runs his hands through his hair.
“Cut the shit, Wes. It’s me. The girl you have pushed away since grade school. I’m getting used to you breaking my heart.”
“This isn’t about the Barbie thing, is it?”
I gasp in annoyance. “Of course it’s not, but way to go on ruining a girl’s first kiss, by the way. No, this goes back to the other kiss. Your graduation-slash-going-away party. Or did you forget?”
He looks at the ground, as if trying to search his memory for what on earth I could be talking about. “I kissed you that night?”
I throw my hands up in the air. “It’s official. You’re an even bigger asshole than I thought.” I march into my room, but Wes is quick behind me, grabbing my forearm and spinning me around.
“I thought that was a dream,” he says with glassy eyes, as if he can’t believe it to be true.
“It was real, and it meant something to me, but then you pushed me away afterward. You baby-sistered me and broke my heart. You’ve been breaking my heart since I was twelve years old, and yet I still fight for your attention. I know why I do the things I do, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out why you torture me so. Why you go from hooking up with me, having secret sharing in laundry rooms and late-night rendezvous, to tossing me aside at a bar. Why the hell do you hurt me the way you do?”
“Because I’m scared,” he says, surprised by his own admission.
I let his words sink in before asking, “Scared of what?”
“That I’ll mess it up.”
“Mess what up? This? Us?”
“It’s more than that. It’s you. It’s Chad. It’s your parents. You guys have been my saviors. I don’t know what I would ever do without you, without your family.”
“But that’s what you’re already doing by pushing me away.”
He looks straight into my eyes, and I swear I see him blink away tears.
“I’ll never be good enough for you.” He steps away from me, rubbing his chin. “Did you not see my dad today? That was nothing compared to how he’s treated me my entire life. Grades are never high enough. Runs on the score board aren’t good enough. I’m too heavy, too slow, unambitious, and lazy. Top that off with the fact that my parents are horrible people. My dad openly cheats on my mom, and she keeps her lover in the pool house year-round. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I was a mistake. A drunk night that shouldn’t have happened. Don’t you ever wonder why I don’t have any siblings? I’m a mistake.”
“Wes, you can’t honestly believe that—”
“It’s hard not to believe it when you’re told that your entire life. Why do you think I spent so many nights at your guys’ house? My family had all the money in the world but no love. Yours had love and little money. I much preferred the latter.”
My heart breaks for this man in a way I wasn’t prepared for. “Fuck them. You don’t need them, and while I hate them for you, I don’t understand what this has to do with us. Why you hurt me.”
“Because I want you, Stacey. I’ve always wanted you, and it scares the shit out of me.”
“If that’s the case, then be with me. Stop being an ass and just be with me. Tell Chad. Hell, tell the world.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not that easy. I made a vow I would never settle down. That I would never fall in lust and that I would never let someone trick me into marrying them because if she got pregnant, I wouldn’t be able to walk away.” His words cut through me like Cupid’s evil twin.
I step back and place my hand on my chest as I take a deep breath. “Do you think I’m trying to saddle you down with kids? Is that why you won’t have sex with me?”
“Fuck. No. I’d never think that about you. It’s just …” He closes his eyes and tilts his head up to the ceiling, seeming defeated. Once he gets his bearings, he takes a deep breath and starts to pace.
It all hits me. Why he’s like this. Why he’s so scared.
I reach out to him, crushed from what his parents did. It all makes sense now. “You’re not your parents, Wes. You won’t be like them.”
He stops pacing and turns to me. “How are you so sure?”
I lay a hand on his face and bring his gaze down to mine. “Because I would never have fallen for a guy who wasn’t absolutely capable of redemption.”
“But it’s too late. The damage is done. Your brother has been my best friend for practically my entire life. He’s heard my inner thoughts when I had no fucks to give. He wants better for you. You deserve better.”
“He doesn’t get to decide that.”
I rise to my toes, and with his face cupped in between both of my hands, I do my best to show him what I mean. Not with my words, but with my body by kissing him with everything I have to give. Words are only syllables. Letters strung together to hopefully mean something to the person they’re being said to. Showing someone how you feel through your touch, your kiss, your body can heal a person when they feel all hope is lost.
He surrenders into my emotions that are begging him to see the truth inside him that I’ve seen for years. He’s a good guy, no matter what’s on the exterior, no matter what he tries to hide from the world. I know the Wesley Knight who likes to put ketchup on his macaroni and cheese and is still afraid of clowns because of the movie It.