“I’ll tell you a secret if you come out,” I promise her.
“A good one or a boring one?” she asks and I laugh.
“Well if it’s boring I’ll go in the bathroom the rest of the night.” I hear water running and a few seconds later she opens the door and comes out. After a little contemplation she sits down on the floor beside me.
“Okay, what’s your secret?” Her voice sounds light and airy. I sigh and look over at her, those eyes of hers, full of curiosity. She’s so close she ought to be able to see into my soul. I feel like I’m ready to erase that line between us but I still feel reluctant. I know once it’s gone, there will be no going back.
“I’ve remembered things,” I say and her eyes widen. My heart skips a beat.
“You’ve had more memories?” she asks excitedly and I feel terrible that I’m only just now sharing them with her.
I nod.
“What have you remembered?” she asks. I let out a deep breath.
“I remember the first time Cal told you he loved you,” I say and I hear her breath catch in her throat.
“I remember when you were moving and you said you didn’t see him as the villain,” I continue, swallowing the lump in my throat, and I see her eyes fill with tears.
“I remember him telling Dexter that he needed you,” I say and take a deep breath.
“I-I remember how much he loves you,” I say finally and I look over at her, She lets out a breath like she's been holding it for years. She lets her head fall back against the wall and while the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen spreads across her face, an array of emotions, hope, joy, and relief cross her face.
“And I did my homework. The three things I like about Cal are: he met you, he made Caylen and he brought you both into my life,” I say feeling my heart starting to beat faster. I hear her breathing start to quicken. She stands up and begins to pace the room and shakes her head.
“Chris, you can’t say things like that to me and think that I can do this with you,” she says like it’s painful. I look at her confused. I stand up and walk over to her, the inches between us disappearing as our chests touch.
“Do what?” I ask. As she looks in my eyes I think she must be trying to read my thoughts.
“Pretend I can be your friend. That I’m not in love with you,” she breaths out desperately.
“Do you love me Lauren?
“What do you mean?” she asks quietly.
“I need to know that you love me,” I ask her honestly. She looks at me intently, the time passing between us seems like an eternity.
“You’re right here. I’m in love with you, Chris,” she says standing on her tiptoes and bringing her lips to mine. She kisses me softly but with such pent up passion that it takes my breath away. I pick her up and pull her as close to me as possible. Before I know it, we’re on the bed. I’m kneeling over her and she looks so beautiful.
“I want you, Chris,” she says pleadingly, before pulling me down on top of her.
Chapter 55
Lauren
Two years since I've felt a man’s touch. Two years that I’ve been missing his touch. I imagined it so many nights but nothing compared to the reality of feeling him. His caresses release the hopeless longing and constrained emotion, all pouring off me in waves of ecstasy. Each kiss and touch different, but so familiar. His fingers intertwine with mine before raising my hands over my head. He looks at me as if I’m his everything, taking in every inch of me. He slowly raises my shirt over my stomach. His fingers against my skin make me feel alive. I can’t breathe. I’m scared to breathe. If I move too fast I might wake up... if this is a dream, I want to stay in it forever. He lifts me up to him as he pulls my shirt over my head and I do the same with his.
I take time to get a close up of his body, a body that I’ve known in so many ways. I trace my hands over his chest, then to his stomach, and when my eyes reach his lips I kiss him again and again, first patiently then frantically. He tastes so good. I’ve forgotten how soft his lips are, how good his hands feel on my body. This body belongs to him. How could I have forgotten something I’ve dreamed about so often.
He grips my waist tightly, pulling me on top of him. His hands go to my jeans, unzipping them. When they slip inside to knead the swell of my butt, I release a soft moan. Everything’s happening so fast but so slowly. I lie back on the bed as he removes my remaining clothes. I thank God I have on good underwear. It’s nothing fancy but they’re brand new. He stops for a moment and looks down at my body. Now, nothing covering it except a white cotton thong. His eyes devour me. My breath catches when he gets off the bed. If he stops now I’ll die. Everything will shut down. But he’s not stopping. He removes his own pants and underwear and I feel every muscle in me contract as I look at him. He’s perfect. His thighs thick and muscular and the one thing that I missed, that I know like the back of my hand, is standing at attention. He lies down on top of me, kissing every part of me. It’s sweet torture. His lips kiss my collar bone, then my neck, then trail down my stomach as his fingers slip beneath the simple white thong and removes it. He takes in my body with his eyes again. I’ve never been so turned on from someone just looking at me this way. He lifts my right leg and begins kissing it, making his way up my thigh. I’m going to die if he’s not in me soon.
My breathing is short and I can’t control it. I’m so turned on that as soon as his lips touch me there I feel myself beginning to come undone. I pull his hair between my fingers grabbing it as his tongue slides into me. I cry out. His free hand moves to my breast and it's not long before I feel myself shattering. I pull away and he looks up at me, smiling but confused.
“I need you inside me,” It takes every ounce of energy for me to barely whisper that, and just like that, he is. I feel like the part of me that’s been gone is back.
I feel complete.
Last night was everything.
It was the beginning and an end. I felt as if I gave a piece of myself away but was given so much in return.
Chris. I can’t even describe him. I thought he’d be timid and nervous but it was like he already had a road map of my body, he just took a different route. The way we felt connected was amazing. And everything I needed after two years of loneliness, emptiness and despair was returned to me. I stretch out in bed and realize Chris isn’t in the bed. I wonder if he went out to get breakfast. I go and peep into his room but he’s not there either. I grab my phone and see that I have two missed calls. They’re both from Lisa. I think of the message she left for Chris yesterday. I call it and she picks up on the second ring.
“Hey, Lauren. Is Chris with you?” she asks nervously.
“No, I think he went to run an errand or something. Is everything okay?” I ask, concerned by the tone of her voice.
“It is but I really need to talk to him. Can you let him know it’s really important to call me back,” she pleads.
“Okay. As soon as he comes back I’ll make sure he calls you,” I promise her.
“How are you doing?” she asks lightly and I can’t help but feel a great big smile spread across my face.