My mom shakes her head. “I’m sure this is going to be difficult for her, but she led me to believe at least that this is about Caylen. She hasn’t had a lot of time to digest much of this, but maybe enough to try to understand that you aren’t the man she fell in love with,” my mom’s tone is hopeful. I’m not as optimistic.
Love. She loved him. I hate to hear that word in the same sentence as him. It makes him real, and he doesn’t deserve the recognition. If I’m going to figure this out, or make sure the direction of my life isn’t going straight into the ground, I need to start doing something.
“Do you know where she is? Lauren?” I ask.
“I told her about the Ritter Inn,” my mom says, grabbing our finished plates from the table. “Actually, Rose confirmed that she checked in after she left here,” she admits.
“I’ll be back to help Dad before noon,” I say, grabbing the keys to my truck off the table.
“Where are you going this early?”
“I’m going to try to catch Jenna before she heads to school,” I say, heading out.
“Chris. Would you like me to call and schedule something with Dr. Lyce?” my mom asks hesitantly.
“I’ll be finding a new doctor,” I tell her before leaving. My parents lied. I have to forgive them. Dexter lied. I expect that from him. But my doctor? Any doctor that would keep something like that from me, I never want to deal with ever again.
“Good luck, son,” my mom says before I walk out the door. I’m going to need it.
Chapter 22
I pull up to Jenna’s house, and she’s already heading out the door, her big leather bag stuffed to the brim with her laptop, books, and notepad. Her hair pulled up in a tight bun and black shades covering her eyes. She drives all the way to University of Michigan, which is about two hours away. She said she’d rather lose a little sleep than money on room and board since the rent is a lot cheaper here in Madison. Her parents are loaded, but they wanted her to go to their alma mater. When she didn’t, they paid tuition, but that was it.
I meet her at the bottom of the stairs; she adjusts her bag on her shoulder and wraps her arms around herself. I can’t see behind the black tint of her glasses, but I can tell she’s avoiding my eyes.
“Hey,” I say quietly. I see her biting her lip, one clue that she’s pissed off. She has every right to be. I haven’t called her since she’s been hit with a life-changing bomb, less than 48 hours ago. My eyes drift down to her hand, and I’m a little relieved to see she’s still wearing her ring. Doesn’t matter, she’ll probably throw it at me after I tell her what I have to.
“You didn’t call me. You said you’d call after you talked to your parents,” she says just as quietly.
“I know. I messed up,” I say, folding my arms across my chest.
“I didn’t hear from you that night or the day afterward. And now you just show up on my steps?” she asks with a shrug.
“I broke my phone. I got completely tanked that night, and slept all through yesterday,” I admit. I know I sound like an idiot, but I don’t want to lie to her. After all of this, she doesn’t deserve that. I hear her take a deep breath.
“Wow. So you’re drinking enough to sleep an entire day when you usually barely have one beer, and you don’t answer your phone, or call me when you say you will. On top of all that, you leave me in the dark after possibly finding out some pretty life-changing information. Yet, I’m the last to know. I’m your fiancée, Chris! I should be the first to know!”
I feel like a complete A-hole.
“I’m really sorry, Jenna,” I say dumbly, because I sound dumb.
“You’ve been really sorry, Chris. But you being sorry doesn’t help any of this! So what happened, what did your parents say?” she fires off rapidly.
I let out a sigh, and run my hand through my hair.
“DID. That’s what it is, right?” she answers before I can even respond, and I nod.
That’s Jenna. Always a step ahead. I bet she won’t guess what I have to tell her next, though.
“So that woman, Lauren, she’s your wife,” she says with a bitter laugh.
“Well, she’s Cal’s. Cal is the one who married her,” I say, trying to distance myself from the decision as much as possible. She snatches off her glasses, and her glare makes me want to hide.
“So you’re not going to take responsibility for any of this?” she demands.
“I’m not shirking responsibility. I just want you to understand Cal. Cal married her. I have no idea who she is. I love you. I want to marry you!”
She’s quiet. I don’t know which is worse, her yelling or her silence.
I step closer to her, and she steps back. I’m losing her. I can feel it, and I haven’t even told her I have a kid yet.
“I’m trying to understand. I really, really am. I spent hours online researching this. I even stumbled upon this support group online for people with your condition,” her eyes are watery. “This is just so...” she sighs. “I know that this isn’t your fault, and not something you asked for, but I’m having a pretty hard time wrapping my mind around this,” she clears her throat.
“I know. Just imagine how I feel,” I chuckle, and she smiles tightly. “If this is too much, Jenna—I wouldn’t blame you if this is too much,” I say, sitting down on her porch.
“Chris, if this was anyone else, I wouldn’t believe this. But it’s you. You’re one of the most caring, unselfish, honest people I know,” she says, sitting next to me. “Even though you can be a big baby sometimes,” she chuckles and I do too. Baby, ugh; it reminds me. I glance over at her; her shades are back on now.
“I’m going down to school early to study for my exam tomorrow,” she says. “I was going to stay the night with Kaylie, but I can come back instead,” she continues, and I rub the back of my neck.
How do I say this? I have to tell her. I can’t hide this from her. What’s the best way to say it? I know she wouldn’t want a long drawn-out speech. She’s standing up, I do the same. She wraps her arms around me, what do I say? I lift her up by the waist and hold her close, like it’s the last time. I’m ninety percent sure this will be the last time I’ll ever get to hold her like this.
“Chris, we’re going to make this work. We’re going to find you the best doctors and support groups, and we’ll get through this. At least we know now what we’re dealing with. This marriage can’t be legal,” she says confidently. I set her down, and she cups my face in her hands. This is why I love her. She’s able to pull me out of my pity party.
When I met Jenna, I was on my way from a visit with my mom’s doctor, and the news wasn’t good. Everyone had been coddling me and walking on egg shells around me, given everything that was going on. Even Lisa couldn’t break through, but Jenna was able to. I look away from her, and I just let it spill out.
“Lauren, she has…” Her eyebrows raise. I know the next sentence out of my mouth is going to change everything. “She has a daughter.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, her eyes widen and her mouth falls open. Her expression is blank, completely blank, but she releases my face from her hands and steps back.