He explained to me how it worked and even promised to take me for a ride on it down the block and back again, once he got me a proper helmet and protective gear. Soon, all my previous doubts and fears over the bike were gone, and I was itching to go for a ride as soon as possible, absolutely thrilled at the idea.
When James lifted me up and placed me on the seat, I turned to my mother and grinned at her, proud that I was no longer afraid. She smiled back at me in a way I hadn’t seen since Daddy died. Mum’s smile was sunny and bright. Her eyes, which were identical to mine, upturned and bright green with long dark lashes, sparkled in the afternoon light. We had the same pale complexion, but her hair was long and chocolate brown, while mine was almost a white blonde.
I wanted to grow up looking just like her. To me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I always admired my mother’s beauty, and resented that I inherited my dad’s colouring.
James O’Hare was the complete opposite of my daddy.
I missed him.
I could still remember bits and pieces, like how he came home at the same time every day at five, and we would spend a good hour playing, reading, or just snuggling on the couch together. I remember how he liked to barbeque on weekends. He played golf with his friends on Saturdays, and every Sunday, he would spend the afternoon at an exclusive club downtown where he and his friends would play racquetball, watch football games, and play cards. He had a funny laugh. He had blond hair, like me. And he liked to wear suits and ties. Now, his old golf clubs were collecting dust in a corner of our garage.
He’d gotten sick, cancer my mummy had called it, and suddenly, Daddy couldn’t play wrestle with me like he used to. He napped a lot. I wasn’t allowed to hug him as tight as I wanted, and his beautiful blond hair, so much like mine, fell out. He couldn’t read to me. He didn’t laugh anymore. And then one day, I woke up, and he wasn’t there anymore. It was just Mum and me.
Mummy worked at a local diner as a waitress, but she said we still had to move out of our beautiful big house to a smaller one. She said we just didn’t have the money. She worked as much as she could, which meant I spent most of my days over at her friend, Trish’s house, playing with her kids until Mum’s shift was over. Working at the diner was how she said she met James. When she first told me about him, she said how he came in almost every day that she worked, bringing her flowers, expensive chocolates, and gave her lifts home on his bike since our junkie car was continuously breaking down.
I asked what else she had liked about her new boyfriend. Her face went pink and a small, secretive smile curled up on her full lips. She told me how sweet and gentle he was, how he always called her beautiful, and he had a full time job; something to do with sales for his club. When I asked her about his club, she didn’t seem to know. She said she figured it was probably like the one Daddy had gone to.
She was now wearing a brand new diamond engagement ring on her finger, the stone cut like a heart and bigger and prettier than any piece of jewelry she’d ever owned. I liked how it sparkled. Mummy was going to marry James O’Hare, and was planning on moving us in with him and his thirteen year old son by the end of the month. Mum was eager to begin this new chapter in our lives, and so she stood there beaming, watching as James showed me his bike.
My earlier hesitations were now gone, and I was feeling completely comfortable with him. I missed receiving fatherly affection, so I clung to James, begging to at least let me ride with him around the cul-de-sac before he left. He had just laughed and shook his head, promising that he would once I had a helmet.
“I’ll see you next weekend at the barbeque, Babe.” James gave my mother another deep, tongue-filled kiss, which only made me cringe and avert my eyes until they were done. “I’ll pick you both up at ten.”
James picked me up off the bike, settling me on his hip. “You be a good girl for your momma now. I’ll see you next weekend.” He gave my round cheek a kiss and I couldn’t help but giggle as he put me back on my feet, before he drove off down the street, earning more angry looks from the neighbours.
But as I peeked up at my Mummy’s face, I liked how her old, beautiful smile was back. It had been three years since I saw it, and I wanted it to last.
“Where is Shay?” Mum asked as James drove us to the park where his club was waiting. He was driving a big black pickup and I sat in the backseat, laughing hysterically as I bobbed up and down. It was like I was on a theme park ride with the way the seat was making me bounce at every dip and bump in the road. James cast me a smile in the rear-view mirror at the sound of my giggling.
“He’s already there. Got a ride with one of his friends.”
Mum bit her lip, uncertainly. “Will he like me?”
James cast her a sideways glance. She was repeatedly smoothing out her flowery summer dress and straightened her dark hair. She had no idea how beautiful she was. When I saw him reach over and place a hand on her thigh, I quickly distracted myself with the sights of nature outside the window. They were incredibly touchy-feely with each other and always kissing. Ugh! Why did grown-ups do that? Aren’t boys where cooties come from?
“He’ll love you, babe, just… don’t push it with him…” he said, flicking the ash from his cigarette out the window.
“What do you mean?”
“Shay is… he’s had some problems since his momma ran out on us. He was six. Never got over it. Abandonment issues. Doesn’t help that I have to work all the time. My job with the club keeps me busy…”
I frowned as I listened to him talk about his son and my heart went out to him. I couldn’t imagine my mummy leaving me behind somewhere. What would I do? The thought tore at my heart. If my mum left me, and with my daddy gone, I’d have no one.
“What kind of problems?” Mum asked.
James glanced sideways at her. “Lots of fighting... been kicked out of two schools... he attends St. Matthews now.” St. Matthews was a school for troubled youth. Even I had heard about it through the rumour-mill during recess. Kids whispered about its dark reputation and how the teenagers that went there were responsible for breaking our swings, mugging us for lunch money, or beating up some of the older ones. Even from the back seat, I noticed how Mum shivered before peering back over her shoulder at me. I was playing with a long strand of my wavy, baby blonde hair around my finger, trying to make it look like I wasn’t eavesdropping. She seemed satisfied and faced forward again.
“He participates in club matters now. He’s being initiated.”
“Initiated?” Her voice rose a bit, the way it does when she’s getting upset. I tense up a little in the back, remembering the last time she’d spoken in this tone. I had gone through her makeup drawer and used a red lipstick of hers to draw some pictures on the tiled walls around the bathtub. When she found me, her pitch went up as she screeched, sounding remarkably like a seagull, as she stared in disbelief at what I’d done.
James smirked at her. “Don’t worry about him, Em. If he disrespects you, you tell me. Alright?”
Mum seemed even more nervous than before, as she started smoothing out her dress again. I could only imagine what Mum had been thinking. Once, a girl at my school had pushed me off a slide, and Mum marched into the principal’s office, demanding that she be suspended. It sounded like Shay was a bully, too. Mummy wasn’t going to like him. But to me, it just sounded like he was sad and angry. I mean, he didn’t even have a mum. I felt bad for him.