No food or drink
No name-calling
Cell phone off
He pauses a moment,
then asks me:
Any questions, Liv?
What kinds of questions
does he think
I would have about
ripped jeans or
name-calling?
I didn’t ask to play
Nine Things about Courtrooms—
unless you count
food and drink
separately,
then it’s Ten.
Yes, I do have a question.
What about bangs?
Bangs?
Mom’s lawyer moves
the papers
in his open briefcase
as if there might be bangs
under them.
Yes, bangs.
I take a scissors
out of the junk drawer,
rake out the pieces
of my hair in front
with my fingers.
and chop them into long
BANGS
right in front of
Mom’s lawyer.
Mom shrugs her shoulders.
She may not understand,
but I guess she figures
it’s my hair
to style.
Mom’s lawyer closes
his briefcase,
and reaches a hand
out to me
for the first time.
I don’t take it.
I am busy fluffing
my BANGS.
I can’t wear a hat
or sunglasses,
but with bangs
over my eyes,
I don’t have to see anything
I don’t want
to see.
And it makes it hard
for anyone
to see
me.
Sides
If I could understand
what Mr. Sommers
is saying in geometry class,
I would ask him
if there are ever
more than two sides
of a line—
say, in some alternate geometric
universe.
Because when it comes to Jonah
appearing in court,
there are many sides.
Appearing is a strange court word,
since its opposite is disappearing.
Some of us want him to appear.
Some want him to disappear.
For once, me and Mom’s lawyer
are on the same side.
Mom’s lawyer wants Jonah
to appear to help win his case.
When I take Jonah for walks
on DEAD END,
it’s easy for Clay’s father to
pull the curtains
or look away when he’s driving
the Bugz Away van—
to make Jonah disappear from sight.
In the courtroom I will make
a slit in my bangs
to watch Clay’s father
when Jonah appears.
If he looks away,
I hope the judge will notice.
There is a Team Meeting
about Jonah’s appearance
in court.
There are lines dividing the nurses
and Dr. Kate.
Lila and Phoebe worry
about crowds of people
coughing on Jonah.
Dr. Kate listens
to the nurses
but says there is
no medical reason
for Jonah not appearing
in the courtroom.
All his equipment is portable,
even O,
she says.
I am not ashamed of Jonah
or his dent
or his feet turned inward
or his legs that will never stand
or all the equipment we need
to keep him alive.
I heard Lip and Blee-ah.
I heard the sounds of Jonah
calling from the place
we cannot reach him.
He is my brother.
He always took the leap
over the abyss
without thinking,
and always made it across—
until now.
Let them see it all.
Let them hear what Jonah
has to say.
Let them try and blame Jonah
for being Jonah.
Johnny and Vivian
and Mom and Elinor
and Mom’s lawyer and I
will appear with Jonah.
There will be six of us there
on Jonah’s side.
Dr. Kate
Dr. Kate doesn’t leave
when Team Meeting is over.
She takes a seat next to Jonah’s bed.
First she looks at his machines,
then she looks at Jonah.
She puts a hand on Jonah’s forehead,
as if she’s checking his temperature,
but she leaves it there.
Jonah closes his eyes.
It looks relaxing
to have a hand on your forehead,
so I put my own hand on my forehead
under my bangs
and it makes me close my eyes, too.
When I open them,
Dr. Kate’s hand is still on Jonah’s forehead.
Jonah’s eyes are closed
and so are Dr. Kate’s.
This is the first time I’ve had a close look
at Dr. Kate.
She has bangs too,
but they are short and straight,
not long
like mine,
and hers have some
silver hairs in them
I didn’t notice before.
When she opens her eyes again,
it’s as if touching Jonah
put a spell on her.
She doesn’t look at Jonah’s machines.
She stretches her arms and yawns.
Whew, I didn’t know I was so tired.
Then she looks at me strangely.
I can tell she is wondering
what is different
about me.
I don’t tell her
it’s my bangs.
My son turns ten next month,
Dr. Kate says to me,
and I understand exactly
what she is saying.
We both watch Jonah.
Dr. Kate puts a hand on Jonah’s chest.
Does your brother often have this kind
of breathing?
she asks me.
You mean stopping
and then starting again?
I ask. That’s how I think of it.
Yes, she answers.
He’s been doing it for a few days.
It mostly happens when he sleeps,
I explain.
It reminds me
of when Jonah would practice for
our river game
Last One Up.
We’d jump from
the high bank
out into the river
and see who could stay underwater
longest.
Jonah and Clay and their friends,
me and Rainie and Justine.
Piper watched from the bank,
because of all she knew about
water-borne protozoans.
Jonah was always the last one to surface.
He used to train at home.
Holding his breath, letting it out,
holding his breath, letting it out,
timing himself
again and again.
Thank you, Dr. Kate says to me, thank you,
like Dr. Liv has given her the answer
to some great medical mystery.
On the Record
If you follow the river
downstream,
you will get to the dam
in the town of
Stoppard,
where the Headwater courthouse is.
That is where we will go
for the trial.
Below the courthouse
is the empty woolen mill
that was built on the banks
of the Kennebec.
Five stories high,
the long brick factory
is full of windows
that are mostly broken.
My grandmother worked there
as a loom weaver
from the age of ten
until it closed,
making woolen blankets