Mom
Mom watches me make
my morning coffee.
She stands at the counter
with one finger
in her mouth.
She’s pressing her finger
on a tooth
and I see her flinch
like she just got
an electric shock.
Then she speaks to me.
I hear you’re working yourself up
to repeat your sophomore year.
Did you change your mind
about college?
What do you think you’ll do
with a tenth-grade education?
I dump an extra spoonful of sugar
in my coffee
and turn around to look at my mother.
Her work shoes are scuffed,
her face is puffy.
It’s been a long time
since she’s had her hair trimmed.
Even so,
I raise my hands in the air
my palms facing upward,
and shrug my shoulders,
Work at Tractor Barn?
Jonah
Ga-Ga-Ga-Rah Ga-Ga-Ga-Rah
Zombie Vest makes Jonah’s sounds
vibrate.
Ga-Ga-Ga-Urgh
Suck-It-Up makes Jonah gag.
Ook Ook Ook
Food Truck
delivers too much supper
and Jonah cries in pain.
Sometimes the machines
are Jonah’s friends.
Sometimes they betray him.
When the machines are bad
I put them in the corner
of the room.
I tell Jonah,
Don’t worry about Food Truck.
I pressed the Pause button.
And I warned Suck-It-Up
he’s next.
There’s a calendar
in my head
and all the months
say “Jonah.”
Instead of
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
the days are
Good Day, Bad Day.
If there are more Good Days
than Bad Days,
then it’s a Good Month.
The Deal
Gwen is very impatient.
She is back on the line
again.
Same faded bathrobe,
accessorized with
worn slippers.
Did you talk to Clay?
I did.
Gwen ties another knot
in the bathrobe belt.
And?
We talked about eyes
and termites.
It was only one time.
Muh Muh Muh
Gwen sounds like Jonah,
making sounds but not
words.
I have seen his struggle
so the new nicer me
just waits.
Gwen can’t look at my face.
My guh guh . . .
My gun is gone.
I realize she can’t speak
the word gun
to me
any louder
than a whisper.
You think Clay has it?
I don’t know,
Gwen says.
Why don’t you ask him?
Gwen lets her arms
hang down by her sides.
We both know she can’t
ask him.
Okay,
I say,
okay, I find your
gun
and you move
off this street.
Gwen nods YES
to the deal.
Logs
My dad’s father
was a log driver
on the Kennebec River,
this same river
that passes behind our house.
My grandfather rode the logs
down the river
to the mill.
All he had was
spiked shoes
and a pike pole
to push the logs apart
when they jammed together.
As you can guess,
it was dangerous work,
riding a log down
the river.
He watched a friend
slip
between two logs
and drown.
All those years
on the river,
and my grandfather
never knew how to swim.
Even so,
I wish there were still
jobs like that.
Working in the woods
all winter,
standing on water
in the spring.
The log drives
were stopped
because the river
turned brown with tannin
from the bark of the logs,
and the trout died.
Dad said
there are still logs
on the bottom
of the river,
ones that sank
all those years ago.
It’s true with logs too.
Some move down the river
where they need to go,
and some sink down,
caught forever
in the mud.
In the Belly of the Whale
I hear Elinor and Mom
in the kitchen.
I stop on the stairs
to listen.
Mom speaks.
I wish I knew
if he is still
in there.
Liv is so
sure.
I don’t know how
she does it.
That is more words
than I’ve heard
Mom say
about Jonah
in five months.
There is silence,
then Elinor speaks.
When Jonah was in the belly of the whale,
who but God could know
what he was thinking,
what he was feeling?
Uh-oh, I think,
Elinor is talking about God
and the Bible.
Even I know there is a Jonah story
in the Bible,
not that Mom named Jonah
for a story.
She just liked the name.
When the Bible people
come to the door,
Mom doesn’t answer.
She says it’s more polite
that way—
not to open the door
rather than
slam it closed.
I make noise on the stairs
so they know I’m coming.
There is a casserole
on the table.
It looks like tuna noodle,
but it’s not in a soup kitchen dish.
I’m happy to see it.
It’s been a long time
since Mom and I
ate something hot.
We eat a lot of cereal and milk
and sandwiches.
The kitchen isn’t really our kitchen
anymore.
It’s where the nurses prepare
Jonah’s food,
where they draw up meds,
where they eat their meals.
The nurse schedule is taped
to the refrigerator.
In a kitchen drawer
is a Do Not Resuscitate
form, unsigned.
We share our kitchen
with Jonah’s fan club.
It makes things less lonely
and more lonely
at the same time.
Hi, Liv.
I see that Elinor
has an arm around
my mother,
and Mom isn’t
shaking it off.
Hi, Elinor,
thanks for the casserole.
It smells great.
Another soup kitchen lesson:
A hot meal
makes you realize
people care.
O
Facts about oxygen:
It is atomic number 8
on the periodic table
of elements.
Its nickname is the letter O.
It was formed
in the heart of stars.
This time Team Meeting
is all about O—
Does Jonah need O?
Would O make Jonah
more comfortable?
This time,
the nurses make sure
Mom is there.
We are not saying Jonah
is worse,
Dr. Kate tells Mom.
We just think it would be