I stared at Brennan, waiting for him to say something—anything—in my defense. But he just sighed and shook his head a little bit. In response to me, or Mal, I wasn’t sure. I had a feeling it was probably me, though. And that hurt, cutting me like a physical blow. It wasn’t just the job. He was choosing Joker’s club over his best friend.
I exhaled hard then turned on my heel and stalked back toward the path that led back to the parking lot. I needed to get away from Mal and the club guys before I said something I really regretted. Even if I thought I was in the right, I wasn’t going to run my mouth so much that we really did lose this contract. I just needed to sit in my truck for a few minutes, take a few deep breaths—man, if it wasn’t so early, it’d be nice to pop down to the corner store for a beer or something.
I shook off that thought.
“Hey,” Nix said from behind me. His warm voice was familiar but did little to quell the frustration still swirling inside me. “Wait a minute, Dawson.”
“Not now,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Come on,” he said. “Slow down, let’s talk.”
I stopped. I was standing on the path far away enough from the jobsite that I could no longer see Mal, Joker, and Brennan, but the parking lot was still a brief walk away.
“What’s there to talk about?” I snapped. “Or are you following me because you’re my chaperone now?”
Nix placed his hand on my shoulder. I ignored the flare of heat that ran through me at the touch and shoved him off, then turned around to face him, arms crossed over my chest.
“What?” I demanded again. “More rules to explain?”
“No,” Nix said with an easy smile, like I wasn’t glaring hard enough to burn a hole through him. “Just wondering where you’re going.”
“To my truck,” I answered. “Need to get a coffee or something.”
“I’ll walk with you,” Nix said.
“That’s not necessary,” I groused, not making a move to walk.
Nix sighed and carded a hand through his hair. Then he adjusted his glasses—a thoughtful gesture that even through my frustration I couldn’t help but think was cute. And now that I’d stepped away from the jobsite, the intensity of my anger was beginning to fade a little, and exhaustion was edging in. Like the sudden shift from my calm, easy morning into the anger at the change in circumstances had taken all the energy out of me.
“This whole chaperone thing is just a safety measure,” Nix explained. “We can’t let our rules lapse or give people special treatment, or else the charter has no power. It’s not personal.”
“It fuckin’ feels personal,” I said.
Nix’s expression softened a little, and he stepped closer. I was grateful for the sparsely wooded path as I leaned heavily against one of the trees. I needed the modicum of privacy the trees provided right now, at least until Brennan came looking for me.
“It’s about ensuring stability and safety for all of us,” Nix explained. “And that includes you. Means we’ve got your back when you’re on club premises.”
I barked a laugh, but there wasn’t any humor. “I thought Brennan was the one who’d have my back,” I admitted. “But I guess he’s a little busy with Joker now, huh?”
“I get the feeling you already know that’s not really true,” Nix said.
I didn’t argue. I knew I was lashing out toward Brennan, but it was true that I felt like he’d left me behind. I didn’t know how to say that to Nix. From his expression, though, it seemed like maybe I didn’t have to.
“I know you’re pissed,” Nix said. “But it’s for the good of the club—and for you. I just want to help.”
The anger flared up again, Nix’s concern feeling a little too pointed, a little too close for comfort. “I don’t need anyone’s help. I’m doing fine. I didn’t ask for you or Joker to ‘vouch’ for me. I can take responsibility for my own actions. Since when do I need you to help me?”
Nix raised one eyebrow a little shrewdly. “Most civilians need a vouch before they’re allowed at the clubhouse at all. You and Brennan have been sort of an… outlying situation, because of how great you’ve been with Stella’s and Beau’s house. But even patched members are responsible for vouching for civilian partners and expected to give the amends if necessary.”
“So now that you’ve vouched for me, we’re a couple?” I asked a little sarcastically, raising both my eyebrows at Nix.
To my shock, that made Nix look a little—flustered. His cheeks turned slightly pink, and he suddenly cut his gaze away from mine, then pressed his lips together.
And that brought me up short, helped me to cool off a little. I was still frustrated at the situation, but I was starting to see what he meant. If this was procedure for the club, and if I wanted things to keep going smoothly—or at least, as smoothly as possible now that I’d caused a handful of scenes—I had to go along with their rules. It really wasn’t personal. It was business.
And I couldn’t deny that the thought of having Nix hang around a little more was… not the worst thing.
“If that’s all it took for me to get a date, I would’ve gotten kicked out of Ballast sooner,” I teased.
Nix glanced up, then rolled his eyes. His posture softened a little. “Great pickup strategy.”
“It’s worked out so far,” I said.
Nix shook his head, almost fondly. “Come on, do you want to go grab that cup of coffee?”
I did want to. Where initially I’d wanted to just to get away from the jobsite before I blew up, now I wanted to spend more time with Nix. But with my head clearer, it was pretty obvious that me bolting from the premises when I was scheduled to work would not be a great reflection on me or Brennan.
“No, I should get to work,” I said a little reluctantly. I rubbed the back of my neck. “Thanks for, uh, talking me down.”
Nix smiled a little, like he was surprised that I realized I knew what he was doing. “No worries. I get how frustrating working with the club can be sometimes. There are a lot of unspoken culture things.”
“You’re telling me,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“And I used to be pretty hot-tempered myself,” he admitted.
“You?” I said, balking. “Gotta say, I find that a little hard to believe.”
Nix laughed, almost to himself—a soft, warm sound. “Well, I had a lot of help along the way. So I try to pay it forward when I can.”
“How about I pay it forward by buying you dinner tonight?” I asked impulsively. The words were out of my mouth before I could even really consider what I was offering. I didn’t take it back, though—even if I was irritated with the club, I still wanted to spend time with Nix. And if we got to know each other better outside of the club premises, maybe this whole chaperoning thing wouldn’t be so bad.
Nix must have been thinking about the chaperoning, too, because he looked hesitant, his teeth pressing into his plush lower hip as he turned over the invitation.
So a date-date was out of the question. “As friends,” I added belatedly, trying to save face. “That’s all.”