I walk out the front door, shutting it as softly as possible behind me. The cool night air stings the tears on my face, but my body is burning up hot. I walk down the long tree-lined driveway, not really sure where I’ll go. Maybe I’ll stay for awhile with my parents. They’ll probably put me in the goat pen, but maybe that’s exactly where I belong.
Headlights shine up the pavement, and I jump over into the bushes, crouching down. My heart beats fast in my chest, and I take a few deep breaths.
You can’t leave him like this.
You can’t just walk out and leave.
I’ve spent my whole adult life walking out on things that are important to me because I didn’t want to deal with the consequences. I let Serafin’s parents run me out of town. I left my paintings, my reputation, and my belongings behind because I didn’t want to have to stand up for myself. I completely abandoned my morals because I thought Janka could solve all my problems. I lost myself so many times, I forgot who I was.
I’m not that person anymore, and Serafin is the key.
He’s my freedom.
He’s the only person who ever let me be myself.
I stand up from the bushes and dust of my clothes, picking a few stray branches out of my hair as I walk out into the driveway before the headlights can pass me.
I stand off to the side on a rock, waving my arms.
As the car approaches, it’s obvious it’s not him. The green dented up VW sends a chill down my spine. That was my car. A husband and a lifetime ago, that’s what I drove.
I lost that car in the divorce.
The only reason why it would be here is because…
The sound of rubber squealing on the pavement sends me back into the bushes.
The car door slams and I crouch down as low as I possibly can, planting my hands and feet into the ground so I can crawl away if I need to.
“I saw you, you fucking slut,” Bartek’s voice echoes in my ears. “Come out of there right now. Your little boyfriend isn’t gonna come and save you now.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. What did he do to him? How long has he been here waiting outside? If he laid a hand on Serafin, I’ll fucking kill him myself. I don’t care what the consequences are.
“Come on, Mia, it’s time for you to come home. No more stupid games. You had your fun.”
I never asked Serafin what he did to Bartek to get my paintings back. I guess in the back of my mind I was okay with him doing whatever it took to get rid of him once and for all. I just assumed he made him disappear.
Assumptions. Those nasty things are what got me in this place to begin with.
“Come on, Mia, I need you baby,” he pleads, and I realize he’s drunk. He never calls me baby unless he’s a bottle of vodka deep. The pleading and the crying were his way of making me pity him, but after that, he would get even more violent than usual. When he’s blacked out drunk he has no concept of consequences. He’d beat me within an inch of my life without even batting an eye and then deal with the aftermath when he sobered up. Drunk Bartek scares me, even now.
“I have nothing without you, Mia. I got fired from my job because of Serafin. I lost the house. Nobody will even look me in the eye anymore. I need you to come back. I need you to tell everyone what he said wasn’t true. You know I love you. You know the only reason why I ever hurt you is because I love you so fucking much.”
He begins to sob loudly, but I don’t feel an ounce of pity for him.
Instead, I swell with pride, knowing that Serafin didn’t just beat Bartek into a pulp and leave him for dead.
He handled Bartek by telling the truth.
He’s not a monster like this parents, he’s a man of honor, and he put himself at risk for me.
I peek through the bushes, but I can’t see him anywhere. I can hear his cries, but they grow muffled. All of a sudden, a flashlight shines right in my eyes. A hand reaches out and grabs me right by the neck. I reach my fingers underneath his grip, trying to loosen them up before I start to choke.
The hard metal of the flashlight comes crushing down over the back of my head before I can get away. “Bartek stop!” I shout. “I’ll help you get your life back, but I can’t do that if you kill me. Come on sweetie.”
I don’t know if it’s the blood coming from my head or the words coming out of my mouth but I feel woozy. I struggle to keep my eyes open, struggle to find any sort of footing at all.
His grip loosens, and I think for a second that maybe I’m getting through to him. I breathe out a huge sigh of relief, but I’m instantly jarred from my delusional fantasy as the rough grip of his hand grabs me by the hair and starts pulling me from the bushes.
I kick. I scream. I plead. Bartek has never been the kind of man who spoke the language of reason. The only way I could ever get through to him was dragging him down as low as he made me feel.
It was never in my nature before, but now, he’s fucking with the wrong woman.
“What are you going to do Bartek? Tie me up and force me in the car? You think that makes you a big strong man? Forcing me to go along with you?”
“Shut up, bitch. You earned this, and you know it,” he says, yanking me up off the ground. The smell of stale vodka and old garlic on his breath almost makes me vomit. The sight of his face definitely makes me sick to my stomach.
“A real man doesn’t need to knock a woman around to make her submit,” I say. He slaps me across the face, and blood runs down my nose, but I just smile. It feels so fucking good to speak the truth. It feels so good to finally come out of hiding. “And trust me Bartek… I submitted. Many times. On the desk, in the pool, in his car, in the bed we sleep in together every night…”
He takes a step back, and I know I should run away before he can calculate his next move, but adrenaline courses through my veins.
“He made me realize you don’t need to wear a badge or have some fancy rank to command respect. I mean, unless you’re a pathetic, small dick, wife beater like you, Bartek. Then I guess you need as much help as you can get.”
He lands a blow directly in my stomach, doubling me over. I land on the ground and curl up into a ball. My body is telling me to do whatever it takes to get away, to flee, but my heart is telling me this fight is what I’ve been waiting my whole life for. I’ll defend Serafin’s honor until the day I die. Bartek might take my life away, but at least he’ll have to live with the truth. I have never been more alive than in this instant, standing up for myself and standing up for the love of my life.
“I’ve always loved him, Bartek. Every time you and I fucked, the only thing I thought about was him. The only time I ever got off was when I was thinking about him. You disgust me, asshole.” I take all the energy I have left in me and kick him as hard as I can between the legs.
I know it’s dumb. He’s so big and I’m not. I’m injured, and he’s drunk and violent. I’m on the ground, and he’s towering over me. I don’t care. I kick and punch and scream and bite, and I love every fucking second of it. I’m vindicated. I don’t care about the consequences, I’m just not going down without a fight.
“You know, you’re cute when you’re mad,” he says with a laugh, dabbing at the scrape on his face. His eyes look calm and clear but maniacal at the same time. I crawl away as quickly as I can, but he grabs me by the back of the shirt and I dangle in the air, helpless. He pulls my face right to his. “I like you like this, Mia. Maybe I’ll have to push your buttons more often.”