When Meinhard got to be about fourteen and something at home didn’t suit him, he would run away. He’d tell me, “I think I’m leaving again. But don’t say anything.” Then he would pack some clothes in his schoolbag so that nobody would catch on, and disappear.
My mother would go nuts. My father would have to phone all his buddies at the different gendarmerie stations in search of his son. It was an incredibly effective way to rebel if your father was the police chief.
After a day or two, Meinhard would turn up, usually at some relative’s house or maybe just hiding out at a friend’s place fifteen minutes away. I was always amazed that there were no consequences. Maybe my father was just trying to defuse the situation. He’d dealt with enough runaways in his police career to know that punishing Meinhard might compound the problem. But I’ll bet it took every ounce of his self-control.
My desire was to leave home in an organized way. Because I was still just a kid, I decided that the best course for independence was to mind my own business and make my own money. I would do any kind of work. I was not shy at all about picking up a shovel and digging. During school vacation one summer, a guy from our village got me a job at a glass factory in Graz where he worked. My task was to shovel a big mound of broken glass into a wheeled container, cart it across the plant, and pour it into a vat for melting back down. At the end of each day, they gave me cash.
The following summer, I heard there might be work at a sawmill in Graz. I took my schoolbag and packed a little bread-and-butter snack to tide me over until I got home. Then I took the bus to the mill, got up my nerve, walked in, and asked for the owner.
They brought me to the office along with my satchel, and there was the owner, sitting in his chair.
“What do you want?” he asked.
“I’m looking for a job.”
“How old are you?
“Fourteen.”
And he said, “What do you want to do? You haven’t learned anything yet!”
Still, he took me out into the yard and introduced me to some women and men at a machine for cutting scrap lumber into kindling. “You’re going to work in this area here,” he said.
I started right then and there and worked at the yard the rest of the holiday. One of my duties was to shovel great mountains of sawdust onto trucks that would take it away. I earned 1,400 schillings, or the equivalent of $55. That was a good amount in those days. What made me proudest was that even though I was a kid, they paid me a man’s wage.
I knew exactly what to do with the money. All my life, I’d been wearing hand-me-downs from Meinhard; I’d never had new clothes of my own. I’d just started getting into sports—I was on the school soccer team—and as it happened, that year, the first tracksuits were coming into fashion: black long pants and black sweat jackets with zippers. I thought tracksuits looked wonderful, and I’d even tried showing my parents pictures in magazines of athletes wearing them. But they’d said no, it was a waste. So a tracksuit was the first thing I bought. Then with the cash I had left, I bought myself a bicycle. I didn’t have enough money for a new one, but there was a man in Thal who assembled bikes from used parts, and I could afford one from him. Nobody else in our house owned a bike; my father had bartered his for food after the war and never replaced it. Even though my bike wasn’t perfect, having those wheels meant freedom.
CHAPTER 2
Building a Body
WHAT I REMEMBER MOST about my last year of Hauptschule was the duck-and-cover drills. In the event of nuclear war, sirens would sound. We were supposed to close our books and hide under our desks with our heads between our knees and our eyes squeezed shut. Even a kid could figure out how pathetic that was.
That June of 1961, we’d all been glued to the TV watching the Vienna summit between the new US president, John F. Kennedy, and Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev. Very few families had a television at home, but we all knew an electrical shop in the Lendplatz in Graz that had two TVs in the window. We ran down and stood on the sidewalk watching news reports on the meetings. Kennedy hadn’t even been in office six months, and most experts thought that it was a big mistake to go up so soon against Khrushchev, who was blunt and articulate and wily as hell. We kids had no opinion about that, and since the TV was inside, we couldn’t hear the sound anyway. But we watched! We were part of the action.
We were living in a frightening situation. Every time Russia and America argued about anything, we felt we were doomed. We thought that Khrushchev would do something terrible to Austria because we were right in the middle; that’s why they had the summit in Vienna in the first place. The meeting didn’t go well. At one point, after making a hostile demand, Khrushchev said, “It’s up to the US to decide whether there will be war or peace,” and Kennedy answered ominously, “Then, Mr. Chairman, there will be a war. It will be a cold, long winter.” When Khrushchev put up the wall in Berlin that fall, you heard adults telling one another, “This is it.” The gendarmerie was then the closest thing Austria had to an army, and my father had to go to the border with his military uniform and all his gear. He was away a week until the crisis cooled down.
—
In the meantime, we had lots of tension, lots of drills. My class of thirty or so adolescent boys was full of testosterone, but nobody wanted a war. Our interest was more in girls. They were a mystery, especially for kids like me who did not have sisters, and the only time we got to see them at school was in the courtyard before class because they were taught in their own wing of the building. These were the same girls we’d grown up with all our lives, but suddenly they seemed like aliens. How do you talk to them? We’d just reached the point where we were feeling sexual attraction, but it came out in odd ways—like the morning we ambushed them with snowballs in the yard before school.
Our first class of the day was math. Instead of opening the textbook, the teacher said, “I saw you guys out there. We better talk about this.”
We worried we were in for it—this was the same guy who had broken my friend’s front teeth. But today he was on a nonviolent track. “You guys want those girls to like you, right?” A few of us nodded our heads. “It is natural that you want that because we love the opposite sex. Eventually you want to kiss them, you want to hug them, and you want to make love to them. Isn’t that what everyone wants to do here?”
More people nodded. “So don’t tell me it makes sense to throw a snowball into a girl’s face! Is that the way you express your love? Is that the way you say ‘I really like you’? Where did you figure that out?”
Now he really had our attention. “Because when I think about the first move I made with girls,” he continued, “I gave them compliments and kissed them, and I held them and made them feel good, that’s what I did.”
A lot of our fathers had never had this conversation with us. We realized that if you wanted a girl, you had to make an effort to have a conversation, not just drool like a horny dog. You had to establish a comfort level. I’d been one of the guys throwing snowballs. And I took these tips and carefully stored them away.
During the very last week of class, I had a revelation about my future. It came to me during an essay-writing assignment, of all things. The history teacher always liked to pick four or five kids and pass out pages of the newspaper and make us write reports discussing whatever article or photo interested us. This time, as it happened, I was picked, and he handed me the sports page. On it was a photo of Mr. Austria, Kurt Marnul, setting a record in the bench press: 190 kilograms.