“What does that mean? ‘Well’ could mean anything,” Caleb says, unabashedly speaking through a mouthful of orange scone. “‘Well’ could mean you shook hands and fucked off. ‘Well’ could mean you went all the way down to bone town. What does that mean?”
“I mean it was a good time.”
“Oh shit. You totally fucked.” Caleb’s eyes double in size, a goofy smile splitting his face as he jumps to his own conclusions. “The nanny broke the drought.”
I don’t respond, instead taking a sip of coffee that’s still not quite cool enough to drink. But I need caffeine if this is how the day’s gearing up to be.
Hayes raises his eyebrows at me. “Did you?”
I sigh. Might as well throw them a bone. “Something like that.”
Caleb outright howls in triumph and thrusts a fist at me, demanding a knuckle bump. A smile twitches at the corners of my mouth, so I humor him. Gotta admit, the guy’s energy is pretty damn contagious.
“Shit, that’s great, man,” Hayes says, nodding with a sincere look of congratulations in his eyes.
“You don’t need to sound so impressed,” I grumble. These assholes are acting like I’m some virgin who finally got laid for the very first time.
“I’m just happy for you,” he says with a chuckle.
Jackass.
“Okay, gimme the play-by-play. What happened?” Caleb asks, wiping his nose with one finger before planting his elbows on the table and giving me his undivided attention.
All three pairs of eyes are glued on me now, but I don’t have a goddamn thing to say.
“It’s private,” I say, uncomfortable with this amount of attention.
My friends have never been this interested in one of my hookups before. Has it really been that long? Does it matter that much? Or is it because, for the first time, they actually like the girl I’m with?
Caleb leans in, a wicked glimmer in his eyes. “Look, maybe these fucks over here are getting all the ass they could ever want, but me? I’m fucking dying of loneliness. Let me live vicariously through you. I need details.”
“No way, man.” I laugh, shaking my head. “You won’t get anything out of me.”
What happened between Jessa and me once that door closed is our business, and no one else’s. Not only is it slimy to kiss and tell, but I don’t even know how I’d describe our night together.
Mind blowing? Life changing?
I haven’t even processed the sheer physical satisfaction of it all, let alone any residual emotions I’m sorting through. All I know is that I like what I have going with her, and I don’t want to ruin it by cheapening our memories.
Caleb sighs, hanging his head in defeat. When he looks up again, his brow is furrowed and his eyes narrowed into slits. “Can you at least tell me if it was good?”
“Leave it alone. He doesn’t want to talk about it,” Wolfie growls out, and I shoot him a grateful glance.
Caleb throws his hands up in surrender. “Fuck, sorry,” he says with a sigh, shaking his head. “A year ago, he would’ve answered the question with a freaking PowerPoint presentation. I just wanna know why this time is different.”
That’s the big question, isn’t it? Why is it different this time? Why is Jessa different?
Is it because it’s been so long, and she’s like an oasis in the desert? Or is it something about her, about the way she makes me feel, that has me feeling some kind of way? Protective, almost.
The unspoken question hangs unanswered in the air as we all focus our attention on the food. I take a long swig of my coffee before opening my mouth again.
“Jessa is different,” I finally say. “I don’t know why, or what that means. There’s just something about her that makes me want to be better. She’s not some conquest. She’s a person I can see myself spending more time with in the future.”
I didn’t plan on a monologue, but there it is.
The guys stare at me, dumbfounded, and I get it. I’m not usually a romantic. Such sentiments are not in my wheelhouse; all the love affirmations and cutesy bullshit is Hayes’s territory. And yet the words don’t feel forced or awkward. They feel real. Like I’m telling the truth after weeks of lying to myself.
“Isn’t she leaving in, like, a month?”
My head swings around to Hayes, whose question hits harder than I’m sure he intended. All that cream cheese sitting in my belly seems to curdle into stone, sitting in my gut like a boulder.
“Yeah,” I mutter, directing my attention back to the coffee in my hands. There’s a prolonged silence from the table.
“That sucks, man,” Caleb says, his voice uncharacteristically solemn.
Damn right, it does.
I clear my throat. “So, that’s that, I guess. When Jessa leaves, I’ll be back to square one in more ways than one. Maybe Penelope knows someone in the nanny business.”
Wolfie nods. “She’s been saying she’s gonna give you a call soon.”
“Good.”
“I can ask Mare too,” Hayes says, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Although she told me that Jessa is pretty much irreplaceable.”
I couldn’t agree more.
13
* * *
JESSA
It’s probably inappropriate to have the thoughts I’ve been having while holding Connor’s baby, but I can’t help it.
I can’t stop thinking about our date. And I really can’t stop thinking about how we spent our time together after the class. Something tells me I’ll be thinking about that for a long time.
Marley yawns, her little pink lips forming a perfect circle before settling back into a soft smile. She’s nestled against my chest, just a few minutes away from falling asleep.
We’ve been rocking in the chair next to her crib for the past few minutes, and while Marley’s been dozing, there’s only been one thing on my mind—Connor’s mouth against mine. You’d think the sweet baby smell of Marley’s tiny little head would snap me out of it, but nothing’s been able to shake the haze of bliss I’ve been floating around in.
When Marley relaxes in my arms and her little eyes close for good, I stand and place her gently in her crib. Her eyes stay closed, and before she can change her mind about napping, I quietly back out of the room, grateful for a few minutes to myself.
There’s something a little sinful about walking around Connor’s house without him here. Especially after what we did here the other night. His hands on my body, his length in my mouth.
My belly clenches as I remember it, and a thrill runs down my spine.
He was even more delicious than I’d imagined, in every sense of the word. And standing in his kitchen, a few yards from his bedroom—well, let’s just say I’ve got plenty of ideas about what I’d do if he ever invites me for a round two.
I pull out my phone to find a text from my sister. We’ve been trying to get ahold of each other for the past few days, and she’s asking if I’m free to talk. Settling into the corner of Connor’s couch, I dial my sister’s number, anxious to hear her voice and tell her all about these new developments.