“Ryder,” she said again, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I have to rebuild my whole life and I don’t know how I’m going to do that, but what I do know is I can’t let myself get used to you being around because sooner or later you’ll leave again.”
“No, sweetheart, I won’t ever leave you again.”
“You said that last time I took you back,” she reminded him, but she said the words matter-of-factly without any heat.
“I know it will take time for you to believe it, but I’m never walking away from you again.”
“I’m sorry, Ryder, I don’t believe you.”
“I’ll prove it to you, I’ll earn your trust back.”
“We’ve been there and done that, I ended up with a broken heart last time, this time won’t be any different.”
“It will, Abby.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m different, I’m ready to let go of the past.”
Her brow furrowed in confusion. “I don’t know what that means.”
“I know, but you will, when the time is right, when you’re stronger I’ll tell you everything.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and let his fingers trail down her neck to settle back on her shoulder. “You need sleep now, my beautiful ballerina. Lay down, close your eyes, relax. I’m here and I’ll keep your nightmares away.”
When he moved to get out of bed, she reached out and grabbed his hand. “Stay,” she said before lying back down and rolling onto her side.
The pressure in his heart eased just a little as he lay down beside her, spooned her against him, and began to hum her favorite song.
Chapter 4
June 17th
6:23 A.M.
The warm arm around her stomach and the hard body pressed against her back made her feel like she was waking up wrapped in a blanket of security.
When she’d been a very little girl, Abigail had had a special blanket that she’d carried with her everywhere she went. It had been pink and yellow striped with a picture of the moon in the middle. She’d loved that thing, she’d slept with it, and she’d taken it in the bath with her. It had gone with her on her first day of kindergarten, and when she’d moved to New York City to pursue her dreams of dancing professionally she had packed it up amongst her belongings, feeling safer knowing that she had it with her.
The blanket was torn and tattered now, but it was folded up neatly and tucked away on the top shelf of her bedroom closet.
As special as it had been, as safe as it had made her feel, it couldn’t even come close to providing her with the same feeling of security that Ryder’s arms gave her.
Ryder was breathing deeply, and he appeared to be asleep so she wriggled in his hold until she was lying facing him. Was it wrong that when she looked at him all she could think about was kissing him?
It was probably just everything that had happened the last few days messing with her emotions. Being rescued, being alone with Ryder, being so sick, it made sense that since he was the one who had saved her life that she’d be thinking about kissing him.
Old memories.
That was all it was.
Gratitude and old memories.
“I miss seeing you like this, all sleep rumpled and sweet,” Ryder said, watching her with those expressive blue eyes of his. She’d never known anyone with such expressive eyes as Ryder had, he could have a whole conversation with them without having to utter a single word.
“You miss seeing me with my hair a mess and bad breath?” she asked, deliberately ruining the mood because she couldn’t handle the way Ryder made her feel on top of everything else.
“Sure do.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead.
“You’re crazy.”
“Crazy in love,” he said with a smile.
He’d told her last night that he would never leave her again, that he would earn her trust back, but she didn’t think that was possible. She didn’t want to give him false hope and let him think that there was a chance they could get back together, and yet she couldn’t bear to tell him to leave because she needed him.
It was selfish of her.
She knew that she just couldn’t make herself send him away.
“It’s okay, I wouldn’t leave anyway.”
“Did I say something out loud?” she asked.
“Nope, I just know what you’re thinking, and it’s okay. You don’t believe me yet but you will, and even if you never take me back I’m still happy to be here for you. I love you, Abby, I always did, I didn’t leave you because I didn’t love you, I left because I do love you and because I let myself believe that you were better off without me.”
“Better off without you?” She didn’t understand what Ryder was talking about.
“A story for another day, but just know that I loved every second I spent with your control freak, independent, sexy little butt,” he said, reaching around her to give it a swat.
“I’m not a control freak,” she grumbled.
“If you say so.” Ryder laughed and then got out of bed, pulling the covers away with him. “Your temperature is down to just about normal and the antibiotics seem to be working. You still have to get your strength back, but you’re doing much better. Do you want to try a shower?”
“A shower?” she squealed, scrambling up onto her knees, realizing as she did so that the IV had been removed. In her cell back in Mexico all she’d had was a tap in the wall and cold water, she’d washed as best as she could every single day right up until she’d been too sick to move, but a hot shower with soap and shampoo was something she had been dreaming about since she’d been abducted.
“I thought you’d be excited, but there’s a catch.”
“A catch?” she asked warily.
“I don’t want to leave you alone in there so I’m staying. If you want I’ll keep my back to you, but I don’t want you passing out on me, and you’re still weak, one slip in the shower and it could set you right back.”
“Fine, whatever,” she said, already swinging her legs over the side of the bed and cautiously standing up. Right now she would go along with pretty much anything if it meant getting properly clean.
“Alrighty then, let’s get you clean and then some food into you.”
Ryder stayed beside her ready to catch her if she fell as she teetered on her feet toward the bathroom. She appreciated that while he stayed close he kept his hands to himself, knowing how important it was for her to do this herself. He’d always understood her independent streak, he knew her parents, knew how they’d always been disappointed that she wasn’t more like them and Eric, and how hard she had worked to prove she might not be SEAL material, but she was still a strong and independent woman who could take care of herself.
“Shampoo, conditioner, body wash are all in the shower. Wolf asked Caroline to go by your place and grab some of your clothes, so once you’re clean you can get dressed into your own things.”
“Matthew and Caroline are such sweethearts,” she gushed.
“Don’t let Wolf hear you call him a sweetheart,” Ryder said with a grin.