She was thrashing wildly in the bed, her face twisted in pain, and he cursed the fact that dreams had the power to hurt you.
How many times as a kid had he been told that they were just dreams, that the only way they could hurt you was if you let them?
Too many to count.
Those words hadn’t brought him any comfort as a ten-year-old child plagued by nightmares, and he wouldn’t be saying them to Abigail.
Approaching the bed slowly, the last thing he wanted to do was startle her into waking up and finding a man standing over her, he stopped beside it. “Abigail, wake up,” he said loudly enough that he hoped it might penetrate her dreams, but not so loud it would scare her more than she already was. He hoped.
Abigail whimpered and continued to fight off her dream attacker.
“Abby, wake up, you’re dreaming, honey, you’re safe at home.” When she didn’t wake he firmed his tone and took hold of her shoulders giving her a shake. “Abigail, wake up,” he ordered.
She snapped awake on a strangled scream, her hands flinging out, fingers gouging at his eyes, where she actually managed to hook one fingernail across his skin. That was his girl, she always came out fighting, and he knew she had taken self-defense classes. It took a strong person to survive fourteen months of Hell and yet here she was, still fighting, working to reclaim her life.
Pulling her out from under the tangled covers, Spider set her between his legs, one arm gently pinning her arms to her sides because as proud as he was that she was a fighter, he wanted to keep both his eyes, his other hand stroked her hair as he whispered in her ear, “Its only me, Abs, Ryder. You’re safe in your home, you were dreaming.”
Her breathing was ragged, her skin cold to the touch, and she was shivering but she stilled. “Ryder?”
“At your service,” he said, hoping to lighten the mood a little.
“I thought you left,” she said, twisting to look up at him, and he loosened his hold on her.
“You thought I left? Why would you think I would leave you alone at a time like this?”
“Because I watched you get in your car and drive away.”
“To change and pack a bag. And you weren’t alone while I was gone, Kason was in his car across the street watching over you until I came back.”
“I didn’t see him.”
“Because you weren’t looking for him. Is this why you were freaked out yesterday and procrastinating coming back here this morning because you’re afraid to be alone?”
“I wasn’t scared to be alone.” She huffed.
Okay, so Abigail was afraid to be alone, that made perfect sense given everything she had been through and he wasn’t sure why she was trying to hide it.
Actually, he was.
Because she thought he would think she was weak if he knew that she was struggling. But even the strongest person in the world would be struggling after being abducted and held prisoner for over a year.
“I was sleeping in your yard, I would have preferred to be in here sleeping on the couch or in your spare room, but I thought you wanted time on your own to get your feet beneath you. Don’t worry, honey, I won’t make that mistake again.”
“What does that mean?” she demanded.
“That you don’t have to worry about being alone.”
“I don’t want you staying here out of pity,” she snapped.
“I’m not here out of pity,” he assured her.
“Then why are you here? Why is Mr. Always Walks Away still here?”
She tried to make the words come out angry but instead they were laced with pain. Her pain opened his own festering sores. “I’m here because I’m worried about your safety because we don’t know who was behind your abduction.”
“Oh,” she said, disappointed, and she tried to wiggle out of his arms, he easily held onto her. “If you’re just here to play bodyguard you can leave right now.”
“Did I say that was the only reason I was here?”
“You didn’t say it wasn’t.”
“Abby, I’m here because there is nowhere else in the world I would rather be. I’m here because I meant it when I told you that I intend to earn your trust back.”
“So you can leave again?”
“No, I won’t ever let you down like that again. I was an idiot to let you go,” he said, letting his fingers trail up and down her bare arm.
“Then why did you?”
“Because I’m not good enough for you.” Unfortunately, it was as simple as that. It didn’t matter how many people he saved he could never make up for the one life he had taken that had eaten him up inside.
“I don’t know what that means,” she said, blowing out a frustrated breath.
“I know.”
She waited a moment, clearly giving him an opportunity to explain, but he couldn’t until he knew that she was on surer ground with her recovery. When he didn’t say anything else she struggled in his hold again. “Let me up.”
“One more moment,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her temple and breathing in her sweet scent.
When he released her, she quickly darted up off the bed and put a little distance between them. It was written in every inch of her features that she didn’t believe he wasn’t going to hurt her all over again. That was his fault, a consequence of his actions, but he still wished she trusted him just a little.
Abigail coughed, pressing her hand to her mouth, and he was glad to see that her coughs no longer cut through her body. Then she shot him a frown when she saw he hadn’t moved. “What are you doing now?”
“Getting some more sleep if you’re going back to bed otherwise I’ll stay up with you and we can hang out.”
“You don’t have to stay, I’ll be fine on my own.” She said it defiantly and straightened her spine, but he knew she was putting on an act. The last thing she wanted right now was to be alone. Spider wished he’d realized that this afternoon and he would have come right back in here when he got back to her place rather than hanging out in his car. Abigail was a good bluffer, but now he was hip to her game.
Standing, he crossed the room until he stood close enough in front of her that she had to crane her head back to meet his gaze. “Well, you’re not on your own now so you better start getting used to that idea. I am not going anywhere. Not now when you’re recovering from a traumatic ordeal, not after we find whoever took you, not ever. So you best just accept that and deal with it.”
Spider leaned down, held his lips above hers, giving her a chance to pull away, when she didn’t he kissed her lightly and then headed for the kitchen.
Calling over his shoulder, “Besides, I can’t leave you here alone while you don’t have a front door.”
“Don’t have a front door? Ryder Flynn, you better not be telling me that you broke down my door,” she sputtered, and he heard her come charging after him.
“No can do, babe,” he said with a laugh. “Don’t you know I would break down any barrier standing between us?” She stood at her broken door and looked over her shoulder at him, and he saw something shift in her gold and silver eyes. Comprehension dawned that he meant the barriers she had erected—rightfully—to protect herself from getting hurt by him again, and he realized that the first hurdle to winning her back had just been crossed.