Sex tape. Oh God, he’d been dreading this. He thought he was in the clear. But now here it was.
Ben had been knocked away from him, but nobody cared. They just wanted a statement, a reaction, something to feed the machine. The machine he’d stoked by living the kind of life that did produce a sex tape. Only with Adina, but it could have been anyone, really. He’d been careless. Reckless.
Through a gap in the throng, he spied a familiar cardigan standing in the middle of the sidewalk.
Jacob. Jacob knew about the sex tape.
Shit. Shit, shit shit. The look on his lover’s face cut Rasul up like he’d never known he could bleed.
Out of nowhere, Gus appeared, fighting his way through the crush until he reached Rasul, at which point he grabbed his arm and yanked him into the clear. As they approached the still-stunned Jacob, Gus grabbed him too, heading for the doors of the building.
“Come on,” Gus said smartly as he herded them inside, the press and eager onlookers hot on their heels. “Both of you, up the stairs. There’s a faculty lounge. All my money is on someone having called campus security as soon as this mess started, so we’re going to count on that and find ourselves a safe place.”
They made it into the lounge just as security showed up. As Gus locked the door, Rasul started for Jacob, saw his wooden expression, and sank into a chair instead.
Dusting his hands, Gus turned to face them. “Well. This is a fine mess we have here. What do we do now?”
Rasul couldn’t look at Jacob. “It’s my fault. All my fault.” He brushed his sleeve over his lips absently, feeling slightly nauseous.
“What are you talking about?” Jacob’s voice was soft and wounded. “It’s my fault. I egged them on. I’m… so sorry.”
Rasul looked up at him, confused.
“It’s not the fault of either one of you,” Gus said, sounding incredibly pissed, “unless one of you released that.” He turned to Rasul. “Not that it matters, but is it real? Did Adina, or anyone, actually have a sex tape of you?”
Rasul felt shame to his bones. “Adina did. She filmed us a few times. It was hot in the moment.”
He shouldn’t have to feel shame. There was nothing wrong with having sex, or with filming it. Except… except he remembered how he’d felt that night. He’d gotten so drunk, so high, because he couldn’t take the self-loathing. It was right before he broke up with her the last time, not counting his one relapse before coming to Copper Point. It wasn’t about the sex, the filming, or the partner. It was how he’d felt inside while it happened.
Now it was all over the internet for everyone to see. He wanted to throw up.
“Well, it is what it is,” Gus said, not sounding particularly bothered. “We’ll get you through it, don’t worry about that, Rasul. Probably you should call your agent. If you don’t have a crisis manager, you should get one fast.”
Rasul ran a shaking hand through his hair. “I… yeah.” He looked up at Jacob, gut twisting. “I’m so sorry.”
Jacob came closer, touched Rasul’s shoulder. “No, Gus is right. It’s not your fault. She had no right to share that, not for any reason, not without your consent.”
It was his fault, though. He shouldn’t have gotten back with Adina before he came to Copper Point. He should have stopped seeing her the first time when he’d known she was trouble. He should have logged on to Instagram and declared he was with Jacob right away. Should have made it clearer, should have—
A soft touch on his cheek brought him back. Jacob was crouched in front of him. “Hey. It’s not your fault.”
“I don’t know what to do,” he whispered. And he didn’t. He always knew what to do, always had a plan, was always dancing, always moving. But he’d stopped here. He’d rested. And now he wasn’t ready. Not for this. Not now.
Not ever.
Gus nodded at the door. “I’ll sneak out and get some intel. You two stay here.”
Jacob locked the door after Gus left, then pulled up a chair in front of Rasul. He touched his knee. “Are you okay?”
The word yes was right there on the tip of Rasul’s tongue, but then he got a better look at Jacob’s quietly searching expression. He caved. “No.”
Jacob averted his gaze. “I’m the one who’s sorry. This is all my fault. I never should have goaded them.”
“How is this your fault? She’s my unstable ex.”
“I don’t think she’s unstable. Calculating, yes. Manipulative and cruel, yes. But she knows what she’s doing.” Jacob pursed his lips. “It’s like you said. She’s desperate. She’s like you were when you came here. For whatever reason, she’s past caring about whether or not this hurts you. You’re something she can use on the way to the place she thinks she should be.”
Rasul sagged forward, bending in half over his legs. “I’m not ready for this. I could have weathered it before, but now… it’s like I exorcised all of it in Veil of Stars and now I can’t take it. I don’t want all my next interviews to be about this.”
Jacob stroked his back. “We’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of you.”
Shutting his eyes, Rasul sank into the comfort of Jacob’s touch.
Gus came back a few minutes later and spirited them out a back door and into Christopher’s waiting car. There was press at the bookstore, but Owen was there too, as well as Nick, and Julian, glaring at everyone in Lawyer. It had been a four-alarm QUAG call, apparently, and everyone who could had responded.
He had five missed calls from Elizabeth when he turned on his phone, and he honestly thought he might start puking before he could talk to her, but she wasn’t angry—not at him, anyway. Her main concern was keeping him from talking to the press.
“Don’t give them any comment. I’m working on some things on my end—we have this covered. Don’t confirm or deny anything. Don’t even tell them no comment, simply avoid them at all costs, and don’t say a single solitary word.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said for what felt like the hundredth time. It couldn’t possibly be enough.
“I don’t need an apology. I told you, I’ve got this. I think I’m onto something here. Just give me a few days.”
Rasul was hardly going to argue with her, or with anyone. His class that night was canceled, and for days he barely left the apartment, skulking around with the cats and waiting for news and food to be delivered.
Jacob was a rock, getting grilled every day in the shop, but it was rough on him, Rasul knew. He’d stopped apologizing because Jacob had made him, but he hated how this grit from his past had cast a pall over everything.
Worst of all, Les Clark was having a field day, tarring Jacob in the paper and declaring his choice of company and his lifestyle a cancer on the town.
It wasn’t bad enough he’d shot his own rising career in the foot. Now Rasul was dragging down the man he loved. It was his worst nightmare he didn’t even know to fear come to life. And he had absolutely no idea how to get out of it.
JACOB DESPISED what the sex tape scandal did to Rasul.
They were prisoners in the apartment that first night. Though the police made regular patrols past their house, there was more press in town now, all of it tabloids looking for a scoop. Jacob was annoyed, both at the interruption and at his helplessness. The people of Copper Point were in much the same boat, Gus reported via text. The novelty of this much excitement had worn off quickly.