A waiter materializes beside us, asking with a kind smile if we are ready to order. When I say that everything looks delicious, Liam suggests getting everything that’s on the menu. Maybe it’s just me, but he appears to be somewhat restless. I can’t decide if he’s trying to get rid of the server, or he’s just starving? Impatient? Or . . . nervous?
The waiter smiles at Liam’s suggestion, and with the same friendly grin says, “How about a few starters to the center of the table and a couple of mains to share?”
“Sounds good, but won’t it be a bit too much?” I ask.
My edgy dinner partner quickly jumps in. “It’s perfect. Brings us your best dishes and a bottle of—” he turns to me in question.
“Chablis, Chardonnay?” I say, looking at Liam for confirmation.
“Sure,” he says absentmindedly, looking rather impatient.
Our server does his best to keep his friendly demeanor and turns to me, probably realizing that my companion wants him gone, and the sooner the better. When the waiter leaves with our order and a less enthused smile, I’m surprised to find Liam even more agitated. I’ve known the guy for a while now. I’m well-familiar with his restless signs, the unconscious tapping of his foot, a quick temple scratch, pointer finger rubbing repeatedly over the surface of his thumbnail. All there, telling me I’m not the only nervous one.
However, looks like Liam is even edgier, his demeanor throws me back to our night together, The Night, to the part which I tried very hard to forget. The Grand Finale. The part that still makes me feel a little queasy even a few good weeks later. With each passing second my guards come a little higher. I feel like I need to lighten the atmosphere for both our sakes because it’s becoming slightly awkward. “So we’re gathered here tonight to,” I say and gesture my hand for Liam to take it away.
Liam looks tense, murmuring something with a shade of conviction under his breath. He looks up at me and that’s when he drops the bomb.
“Let’s move in together.”
I jerk back a little, afraid my hearing is out of whack. I try to make sense of what I thought I heard. “Let’s do what together?” I ask because what I heard simply can’t be true.
Appearing more relaxed, Liam repeats his words, this time calmly. “Let’s move in together.”
I look at him puzzled. “Sorry, I think I didn’t hear right over the ludicrousness.”
Liam’s lips stretch into a side-smile. “You heard right the first time, I said,” he repeats slower, annunciating each word. “Lets. Move. In. Together.”
I gape at him; he grins in return like he’s not being completely ridiculous.
Okay, so it might not be a conscience clearing meal, after all.
“Are you high,” slips out of my mouth before I even have a chance to think. “What happened to you over there? Did you start using or something?”
Liam lets out a humored chuckle and shakes his head with amusement.
“Why don’t we wait a minute before shipping me off to rehab. No, Anna, I’m not high. And never will use, worked way too hard to lose my license.”
As I’m trying to make sense of this surreal moment, the waiter returns with our wine. Liam greets him with a smile that’s designed to ward off company. But he’s not the only one, this time both Liam and I are less welcoming. When the waiter pours wine for us to taste, I grab the glass, throw it back, not even tasting it and blurt, “Good.”
Reading the uninviting climate, the poor server hurries to fill our glasses and disappears. “He deserves a huge tip,” I say while reaching for more wine.
Liam watches me, his eyes crinkled at the sides as I down the thing in one go. Putting the glass down, I train my eyes on the crazy boy before me and wait for some sort of explanation, or a humored “got you.”
“You know,” Liam says, having my full attention. “My grandparents have been together since they were fifteen and you can still see how deeply they feel about each other.” He chuckles lightly before resuming. “My grandma always jokes that it’s not really love if you don’t want to kill the other person from time to time.”
He checks for my reaction. I nod in agreement, still perplexed.
Liam goes on, “We used to tease them all the time about missing out, and that maybe they should see other people for a while. My grandpa, DJ Felix for you.” I smile at that, remembering how Liam told me about him in one of our first email exchanges. “DJ Felix,” Liam’s smile stretches as he goes on, “always had the same answer and it stayed with me. He used to say, imagine finding both love and friendship in one person. That’s a keeper for life.”
I hold still. What’s going on inside me is a different story. What is he telling me here?
And . . . we’re forced to pause again. The food arrives, little plates are placed on the table but neither of us touch it.
As soon as we’re alone again, Liam holds my stare saying, “See, usually you first fall in lust with someone and then you get to know them and like them. I fell in like with you way before I was attracted to you. And the feeling only intensified as I got to know you better. And intensified more while I was away.”
His eyes take a somber shade when he says, “I’m sorry for hurting you. I made such a huge mistake pushing you away.” He licks his lips. “And . . .” He shakes his head, leaving me hanging for a torturous moment. “I fell hard for you, Anna. And those feelings haven’t gone away. I want for us to be together if you’ll still take me.”
I search for the wine, my face and whole body warming with the intense beat of my heart. Finding my empty glass, I grab Liam’s and take a rich mouthful. Liam’s eyes wrinkle with humor as he watches my mildly erratic behavior, waiting for me to verbally react. I need to clear my throat and consider my words, mainly shake myself out of the surprise he threw me into before I respond. Talk about an onslaught of unexpected confessions.
“You know,” I say. “Back then when you were so adamant to convince me how we’d never work, if you had just listened I would have told you just knowing that you’re mine and that you’re out there fulfilling yourself, doing something you love and that eventually, you’d come back to me, even if just to sleep next to me, would have been enough. I never expected you to be someone you’re not, nor did I expect you to be there all the time, or compromise anything for me.”
I fiddle a little with the napkin resting on my lap. “There’s nothing I want more than for us to work,” I begin and his lips tip at the side. “I want to enter this relationship with the thought of happily ever after with a hope for it . . . but I feel, based on our recent history, maybe you’re entering it with a different state of mind, maybe with a happily right now till you push me away again.” I lift my eyes to his.
He shakes his head. “I want what you want too,” he says. “I do. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I promise you I wouldn’t be here saying this to you if I weren’t a hundred percent sure.”
“You know, I left my ego out of it. All along,” I say with a sad little smile, worrying my lips as we trade intense stares. My voice comes out a little shaky when I whisper, “You hurt me.” Finally letting out the heavy feeling that’s been weighing on me since The Night.