Well, not until my conscience screamed in my ear.
“Matt. Matt,” I called, pushing his shoulders back. “This isn’t right.”
“It sure feels right,” he mumbled against my navel.
“But we’re related, remember?”
“So?”
“So, it’s not right. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
He sat up straight and looked at me, as I pushed up on my elbows.
“It’s a bit late for that, isn’t it?”
“We didn’t know then, did we? But we do now.”
“Does it matter?”
I bit my lip and looked into his deep brown eyes, quietly reassessing my moral compass.
“No.”
His smile was slow as his lips dropped to my neck. Butterflies erupted in my belly and I moaned with pleasure. Until an image of Grannie Carol popped into my mind.
“Yes!” I cried, once again pushing him away. “It matters. I shouldn’t be feeling this way about you anymore.”
He released a drawn-out breath and rolled onto his back. Seeing him lying there, the soft hair on his toned chest rising and falling with his breath, I started to question my resolve.
“Maybe we can rethink this after today,” he suggested, rolling onto his side and propping himself on his elbow, his fingers tickling my inner thigh. “I mean, we didn’t know when we made our baby, so we could just kind of push it from our minds for like five minutes?”
“Five minutes? Is that all it takes?”
“Babe, I haven’t seen you in over a week. Five minutes is me stretching it out.”
I could easily forget our complicated relationship for five minutes. In fact, I’d like to forget about it forever. But it no longer felt right.
“I think I need to work this out first. Get my head around the whole cousin thing.”
“What are you suggesting?” Matt’s fingers stopped tickling.
“That you give me some time.”
“Like how much time?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been in a situation like this before.”
“But Molly, are you saying that you may never be okay with it?” Panic flooded his eyes as he hurriedly sat up straight. “We’re having a baby. We’re in this whether it’s right or wrong.”
“It’s not that simple anymore.”
“Yes. It is.”
I shook my head and shuffled off the bed, making my way to the bathroom. I needed to distance myself from his gaze, from his scent, and most definitely from his touch, or I had no hope of ever figuring out how I really felt about things.
“I’m sorry Matt. Just give me some time.” With that I closed myself in the bathroom and dissolved into tears.
****
By the time that I had controlled my emotions, straightened my clothing and fixed my make-up, my mood had gone decidedly downhill. It didn’t help that the waist band of my Calvin Klein jeans was a little on the tight side and my pregnancy app was adamant that it wasn’t because of the baby’s growth. Sighing, I conceded it was probably more to do with the three helpings I had of mum’s carrot cake, along with the double portion of trifle I’d had for desert at the hospital last night. I wasn’t exactly succeeding in lowering my sugar levels.
Untucking my rose-pink v neck T-shirt, I popped the top button on my jeans, slung my Prada bag over my shoulder and slipped my feet into my sparkly Jimmy Choo’s. I didn’t care about the risks of varicose veins. Right now, I needed Jimmy.
Matt was sullen as we travelled down in the lift. Fair enough. I’d stirred his hormones and muddled his brain, and I didn’t even want to think about what I was doing to his heart.
“Are you sure this is a good time to visit your grannie?” he asked, quietly.
“Yep.”
“It’s just you’re a bit...”
“A bit what? Uptight? Is that what you were going to say?” It seemed my mood was getting worse.
“I was going to say tense. You’re not supposed to get your blood pressure up. I was wondering if you’d prefer to stay home? I’ll pick Harper up from your parents and drop him to you and you could have a relaxing day reading a book.”
Now that did sound nice.
“I have far too much work to do to sit and read.”
“Then why don’t you stay here? I’ll talk to Carol and let you know what she says.”
“No way! You’re not shutting me out of this.”
“I’m not trying to shut you out. I just need Carol in a good mood.”
“And you think I’ll ruin that?”
“You’re the first person to admit she’s not your favorite.”
“She’s even less my favorite now.”
“Exactly.”
“Matt, don’t even try to keep me out of this,” I warned.
He placed his hand in the surrender position. “Okay. But please remember to stay calm.”
I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest as the elevator dinged open. Matt strode ahead of me, reaching the car and beeping it unlocked. Holding the door open for me, his gaze fell to the front tire.
“Oh no! I’ve got a flat,” he hissed.
“Do you have a spare?” I questioned as he hit the remote so the car boot popped open.
“Yeah. I just haven’t checked it for a while so I hope it’s got air in it.”
My bad mood dissolved slightly as I thought of the day he was having. It certainly wasn’t one of his luckiest.
“What the fu—?” He stopped and looked down at his back wheel. “This one’s flat too.”
“How? Did you run over something?”
He ruffled his hair with frustration as he knelt to inspect the tire. “It’s been cut.”
“What are you talking about?”
“This tire looks like it’s been slashed.”
I moved alongside him and agreed that it did look like the tire was slashed. “Is the front one the same?”
Matt stood and checked it out. His sigh told me it was.
“Who would do that?”
I shrugged. “It is a pupil free day at the high school so maybe it was some bored kids.”
Matt kicked the wheel. “Looks like we’ll be taking your car,” he commented resignedly.
“Great. Just one problem with that. My car’s at Danny’s.”
****
Thank goodness for cabs. It took us to Danny’s where I collected my keys and then drove to Grannie Carol’s.
She had no idea we were coming. Which was good as it meant she wouldn’t be able to fake not being at home. Sure, that was more something Grandma Mabel would do, but I wouldn’t put it past Grannie Carol.
Grannie Carol’s house wasn’t overly large, but it was slightly intimidating. Dark brown brick with deep green trim, the house was federation style. Seven white and green painted steps led to the veranda that was dark, and oppressive. The stained glass insert in the door was pretty, though, and added some much-needed levity to the drabness of the exterior.
As I child I’d never liked visiting here. Grannie Carol believed small children should be seen and not heard, which meant Lizzie, Danny and I had to sit on our hands to not fidget, and only allowed to go to the toilet if we were absolutely busting. And don’t even get me started on meals.