“I’m hardly ‘settling down.’” I’ve thought long and hard about how to approach what I want to say. Now or never. I reach over and rest my hand against hers. “I know how much Dad hurt you when he left—”
“Oh, screw that man to hell and back.” Her eyes are practically spitting sparks. “I don’t care about him walking out on me.”
The table jiggles and I tilt my head to the side. My mother’s bouncing her leg so fast she’s about to launch herself into the sky.
“Maybe I should’ve told you this when you were younger.” Her words are soft and hesitant now, but that leg of hers is still jumping a mile a minute.
“Told me what?”
Her throat works as she struggles for words and breath. That can only mean she’s about to mention my sister. Which makes sense. Hayley and my father’s departure are so deeply and painfully intertwined in our family history.
“Your father and I…even if Hayley hadn’t…we would’ve split up.”
I piece together her fragmented sentences. “Really?”
“His reaction…the way he handled Hayley’s diagnosis…shredded me. Some couples, a tragedy reveals who each person is at their core. Their strengths complement one another and bond them together. Or it exposes their weaknesses and breaks them apart.”
“I remember you fighting a lot,” I whisper. “Now I can see it was a tremendous amount of pressure for both of you to be under.”
“Our finances made it worse, but that wasn’t all of it. Instead of being stronger together, we turned on each other. He wanted me to work more so we weren’t so broke but I couldn’t not take care of Hayley. Be with her. It was an impossible choice.” Her eyes shimmer with tears. “Well, not impossible. I would’ve moved into our car rather than leave my baby girl alone in the hospital.”
My throat tightens and tears blur my vision.
“We still had you, so maybe that was irresponsible on my part,” she says. “Neither of us were wrong, I guess…”
I sure think one of them had it backwards. “I wasn’t neglected,” I whisper. “And I never resented the time spent with Hayley. I wanted—” My voice breaks. “I wanted to be with her as much as possible. I would’ve hated it if you were working instead of at the hospital with her.”
“Thank you, Shelby. It means a lot to hear that,” she says softly, as if my simple admission lifted a weight off her shoulders.
“Anyway, I don’t hate your father for leaving me. I hate him for leaving you. You’d already lost your sister. Losing your father too…I can never forgive him for that.”
“Do you…do you think something happened to him?” The little girl in me always wonders if maybe my father died and that’s why he never contacted me again.
“No.” She kills that theory with one word. “I tracked him down once. Begged him to see you. At least spend time with you. But he refused. I never told you because…”
“I understand.” It doesn’t feel good to hear that now; I can’t imagine how a younger, more vulnerable me would’ve swallowed the rejection.
“I’m sorry. I never wanted to tell you that.”
“I’d rather know.” As much as it hurts, I prefer living with the truth than constantly wondering.
“You were such a joy, Shelby. In the darkest part of my life, you kept me going. I’m sorry if that put a burden on you. It broke my heart that he left. I couldn’t understand how he chose to miss out on your life. Maybe that’s why I worked extra hard to be so involved in everything you did. To make up for what you’d lost.” She reaches over and cups my cheek. “I’m proud to be your momma. Watching you grow up and become the woman you are is the best thing I’ve ever done. He’s a fool for missin’ out on it.”
My throat’s so tight, I barely choke out a “thank you.”
She sighs and delicately wipes a finger under her lashes. “That’s enough emotional talk. I don’t want a stuffed-up head on the plane.”
I force a smile and a bit of a laugh. “I’m surprised you’re gettin’ on a plane at all.”
She narrows her eyes. “Don’t remind me. I was so worried about you on the way here, I didn’t have time to fret about it.”
“You’ll be okay.”
“God bless Rooster for organizing everything for me.”
“Wait, what?”
Pink spreads over her cheeks. “He’s certainly a man of action. Had all the arrangements made before he called me.” She drops her gaze. “I don’t know how I’m gonna repay him. I’m sure that last-minute ticket cost a bunch.”
“Wait. He did that?”
“Yes. How else do you think I was able to get here?”
Jeez, and she still had the nerve to give me grief.
As if she read my thoughts, she says, “I do like Rooster, honey. If you were more…settled in this new phase of your life, maybe I wouldn’t worry so much.”
I snort. “At least I know he’s not after me for my money.”
She bites her lip. “Eventually, you might be making a lot more, honey.”
“Big might. I might also be waitressing again.”
“You need to believe in yourself.”
“I do.”
“Afternoon, ladies.” Rooster’s warm greeting lights a fire in me.
Before I even know what I’m doing, I jump out of my chair, knocking it backwards. I slip my arms around him, dragging him down for a long hello kiss. “I missed you,” I whisper against his lips.
“Missed you too.” He presses a quicker kiss to my lips. “I’ll go away more often if you always greet me that way.”
Next to us, Jigsaw clears his throat—loudly. “Do you need a refill, Lynn?” he asks my mother.
While they chat, Rooster leans down, touching his forehead to mine. “How was rehearsal?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
His mouth turns down but he rights my chair, and holds it out for me to sit, then drags a chair over for himself.
“She’ll get there,” my momma says. “Just listening to them play was good for her.”
Rooster nods but the tight line of his mouth seems to say he disagrees.
“Greg says there are a lot of interview offers and other stuff he needs to discuss with me,” I say to take the attention away from rehearsal.
His eyebrows shoot up. “Good.”
“I didn’t tell him about the PR woman, because I wasn’t sure…” my voice trails off.
“That’s fine.”
“One of the interview offers was from People,” my mother says.
“Really?” That’s news to me.
Momma’s eyes glitter with excitement. People has been one of her favorite rags for as long as I can remember. She takes a long dramatic pause, her gaze pinging between us to make sure she has our full attention. “They want an exclusive and they’re willing to pay.”
“An exclusive with me? I thought they only paid for celebrity babies and super-secret superstar weddings.”