“Alright. Look, I gotta go. I’ve got a meeting in five minutes. Send me the police number to my phone and I’ll get on to that and sort through the other shit.”
“Okay.”
He exhaled sharply. “I really miss you, Sara.”
I smiled. “I miss you too.”
“Keep in touch today.”
“I will.”
“Bye, babe.”
“Bye.” I hung up and sighed in relief. That guy was too good to me. That realization sent a shard of glass through my chest. I wouldn’t fuck that up again.
As I looked up the bus routes on my phone, I suddenly wondered how Daniel knew I was in a dodgy part of town. Logic told me it was because his car was stolen, so it must have been pretty dodgy. But then he mentioned bikers, and he’d never been to Gosnells before. I never recalled telling him about the bikers here. Hmm, I’ll have to ask him about that.
I headed to the nearest stop. There was an extra bite in the chilly air that had me zipping up my black long coat. The sun was hidden behind large, dark clouds, and the wind had picked up, whipping through my hair and tangling it into a million little knots and reminding me why I hated November.
I checked my bank account balance as I waited for the bus and groaned in irritation at the extra six hundred dollars Daniel must have immediately placed right after the call. He’d done this. Often. When he thought I was going without, or if a bill was unpaid and the third warning had come into the mail, he had the tendency to drop a few hundred into my account. Of course I didn’t accept his money, and it became a game of ping pong. I’d return the money, and he’d resend it. The bank was so used to his money dropping, the transactions had become instant.
On the bus on route to my old neighborhood, Lucinda texted: I have two hair appointments to get around to, but I should be home by 5. Chinese for dinner?
I texted back. I’ll be there around 5:30. Chinese sounds great. I’ll buy it.
*****
My mother didn’t have a big wardrobe, but what was in her closet was very nice and chic – definitely a far cry from the ratty, baggy shirts she used to wear. I couldn’t help but breathe in every top of hers, taking in the familiar scent that I’d known so well to be hers. Despite her alcoholism, the scent had always lingered on her skin, around her collarbone and neck, and the few times she’d cradled me into her arms as a child, I had taken comfort in that smell.
I packed all the clothes into bags and set them on the floor of the living room beside the front door. Then I emptied the cupboards in the kitchen and packed them into boxes, setting them beside the clothes. My mom wasn’t big on clutter, I quickly realized. There wasn’t much around that was garbage worthy. She had only kept what she needed and used. I was seeing so much of this new her as I packed away her things. She loved scented candles and anything strong on aromas. The bathroom cupboards were overflowing with shower gels, shampoos, facial masks and creams. She’d really worked hard on her appearance, but I hadn’t crossed any photos of her to know if her appearance had changed. I imagined it did, though.
Why hadn’t she reached out to me when she had evidently gotten better and back on track with life? Did she really hate me so much, like him? What had I done to have grown up around that kind of loathing? I figured I didn’t need any more emotional problems in my life. I had enough with Jaxon and all. God, that guy only got sexier as he aged. Unlike me. “Some people hit their peak young, I guess.” I violently threw another bag in the pile by the door when I thought about that cruel line he’d used, in that cruel tone of his. Asshole.
Lexi rang me then. Bad timing. I was still fuming. “Hello,” I picked up, panting from the back and forth activity of packing.
“Hey, hot stuff, how are you going today?”
“Yeah, packing away her shit as we speak.”
“How are you feeling?”
“For fuck’s sake, does everyone have to ask me that question every bloody time they talk to me?” I vented out, collapsing onto the couch. I instantly regretted the words. “Shit, sorry. I’m not doing so great, if we’re going to be honest.”
“Your mom’s dead, and you bumped into your ex-boyfriend that you walked out on all those years ago. I don’t blame you for being upset.”
“Do you have to be so blunt about everything?”
“Yep.”
“Okay, since you’re Miss Blunt, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Am I fat?”
“What?” she laughed.
“You heard me. Am I fatter than when you first met me?”
“Did someone call you fat?”
“Just answer the question, and I want your brutal honesty.”
“You’re not fat. Your boobs have gotten bigger, and your hips are a bit wider, but you’re nowhere near fat. You’re healthy and curvy.”
I groaned in disgust. “Fuck, I’m fat, then.”
“You make me sick. Say that around a real fat person, and I bet they’ll clobber your ass to the ground. You’re gorgeous. Now who the fuck said you were fat?”
“Jaxon said I got bigger, and that I hit my peak young.”
“He was obviously trying to hurt your feelings.”
“Well, mission accomplished.”
“Sara, you left him in the worst way possible, and suddenly you’re back in his life and you’re doing well. He’ll say what he can to hurt your progress. Why? Because he’s pissed off at you.”
“He hates me.”
“Yeah, well, he’s entitled to hate you, but he isn’t entitled to make you feel like shit. Do yourself a favor and steer clear from him. I don’t want you getting any more hurt by him.”
Yeah, it was a given that I would steer clear from him, but I knew I was suppressing the side of me that would do anything to see him. Why would I want to torment myself? Maybe I wanted more of his cruelty, you know, as a way to hammer that last nail in the coffin, or some bullshit excuse like that.
By 4:30 in the afternoon, I’d put a huge dent in my progress. I had intentionally left my former bedroom for last. Something about those boxes had me shrinking away in quiet distaste. There were probably some personal things in them that I wasn’t entirely sure I was prepared to face. I decided to leave it for tomorrow.
On the three bus changes to Lucinda’s house, I’d picked up Chinese food near a stop. They were packed tightly in their containers so they’d still be hot and ready when I got there. It was funny even after all these years I remembered what she liked to eat.
Then I walked the three blocks to her gargantuan house, raking my fingers through my frizzy hair before I knocked on the door. It’d started spitting out, and I didn’t want to be caught in the rain on my way back to the motel. I’d have to ask Lucinda to drop me off, which I’m sure she’d be more than willing to do.
My happy smile immediately vanished when Jaxon opened the door.
Fifteen
No words escaped my mouth. I sort of just awkwardly stood there as he looked me up and down, water dripping from his head. Face red and skin moist, he must have just come out of the shower. He was wearing a white long-sleeve slim fit top that hugged every muscle on his upper body. As I gawked at him, I noticed the top button of his jeans was undone, flashing a little bit of his black briefs beneath. I flushed and turned away, hoping that the chill in the air had made my cheeks already red so he wouldn’t notice.