Dylan stands to his feet, taking his time to start. I can tell he’s struggling with what to say—I know because he rubs his hand over his face aggressively. A habit he’s had from the moment I met him. I used to think it was hot to see him all flustered as he tries to find the right words. But now, all I feel is abhorrence.
I grow tired of his show and blow out a sharp sigh. “Your time is running out,” I say, annoyed.
“I know you think I didn’t love you, that I played with you all those years, but I didn’t. From the moment I laid eyes on you at the charity gala, I was in—”
“No! Don’t patronize me. I don’t want to hear about that or your excuses.”
“I don’t have any excuses, Lotus.”
I flinch at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. I’d forgotten how much it meant to me to hear him call me that. And just like old times, it gives me all the feels. My mind takes me back to the night we sat out on the patio at the hospital where I worked, where we met.
“You’re amazing, you know that? You deal with so much dark and heavy shit in this field, but no matter what, you always manage to smile and make your patients smile, too. Even if they’re about to be sliced to bits on the surgeon’s table, you find a sliver of happiness for them to focus on. I know you definitely do that for me.”
I blush and push my shoulder into his. “We’ve only been on a couple of dates. How is it that I do that for you already?” I smile.
“Babe, you can meet someone tomorrow and your whole life changes. That’s what you’ve done for me. In a sea of chaos, I find calm when I’m with you.”
I raise a brow and nervously shift from foot to foot. “I— wow,” is all that comes out.
“I think I’ll call you Lotus. Yup, that’s perfect for you.”
I squint in confusion because I’ve never been given a pet name before, other than babe or baby. And I’m curious as to why he chose that as a name.
“’Cause a lotus flower grows in mud but comes out beautiful. And I feel that describes the type of energy you present to those you treat or care for.”
Without hesitation, I rush into his arms and wrap mine around his neck, kissing him for the first time.
“Don’t call me that,” I say, snapping myself back to reality. “I was there, I know how we met and remember every lie you’ve told me. From the, I love you’s, to finding out about your wife. I don’t need a reenactment. Why are you here now, with a gunshot wound no less? Tell me why I shouldn’t call the police?”
He inhales and exhales forcefully before digging into his front pocket. Dylan squeezes his eyes shut and holds out what looks like a black billfold and lets the front flap fall open. From here, I can see that it’s some sort of ID. I reluctantly move closer and take it from him to examine it. Federal Agent Liam Wright is stamped in bold black letters next to a photo of him and the FBI seal. Everything stills around me as I try to make sense of what I’m seeing, of what he’s telling me. I’ve spent six years of my life with this man, this can’t be real. I’d know if he was… He moves forward, breaking my concentration.
“I can explain.”
“This is a joke, right? I don’t… I… What the hell is going on, Dylan?” I demand.
“My name’s Liam.” His gaze falls to the floor.
“No.”
“Yes. I’m a federal agent.”
“You’re playing with me. There’s no way you’re a fucking FBI agent.” I dart my eyes back to the badge. Fury rises in my chest, and I realize I never knew him at all. “I know this can’t be something that happened in the year we’ve been apart. So that means you’ve lied to me.” My voice cracks. “How could you keep something like this from me?”
“I couldn’t tell you, but believe me, I wanted to. Many times. I just wasn’t able to.”
His words sound sincere, but after the news I’ve just learned, I don’t know how to take this. There’s just too much happening all at once, from him being here, being shot, and now this. We talked about everything. Spent countless nights laid in each other arms, sharing our past and plans for the future. We went on and on about the hospital where we both worked. Was that all a lie, too?
“So you didn’t work in the IT department for the hospital?” I already know the answer, but I need to hear him say it.
“No.”
“When you approached me at the gala, you’d prepared the lie you were going to throw at me. The lie you kept up for six fucking years?” I toss the badge, hitting him in his chest.
“It wasn’t like that, Constance. I was…working and saw you and just couldn’t let you leave without introducing myself.”
“Working? You just said you didn’t work there, so what kinda work were you doing?”
He lowers his eyes again. “I was—”
“You know what, forget it. I don’t want to hear whatever excuse you have.” I throw my hands in the air, waving off his efforts, and storm to open my door. “You need to leave.”
After a few deep breaths, Liam finally heeds my request and exits my apartment. He stops midway and stares at me as if he’s waiting for me to change my mind. I turn away while tapping my feet against the floor. I know if I meet his gaze, he’ll never go, and I’ve had all I can take for the night. From my peripheral, I see him reach to stroke my cheek, but I pull away, stopping him in his tracks. A look of defeat and reluctance plasters to his face as I close the door, leaving me to wallow in all the confusion and hurt. I fall to my knees, unable to stop the tears from escaping.
There was a time when I thought I knew all there was to know about the man I loved, and to find out that after everything, he’s just another stranger—a stranger I allowed in my bed and in my heart. Learning he’d been married, crushed me. When his wife ruined my life and reputation, it broke me. I tainted my whole world being in love with him. Was forced here to try to pick up the pieces where no one knew my name or the terror that is Serena Dembrinsky. Just when I think I have it all figured out, he shows up only to dig the knife he left in my back deeper. His betrayal seems never-ending, and in this moment, I wish I did leave him out on my doorstep.
For the last five minutes or so, I’ve sat with my back pressed into the cold surface. My tears have long since dried up, leaving me spent and exhausted. I drag in a sharp breath and peel myself from the floor to head for my bedroom. Along the way, my foot brushes against the medical bag that sits at the foot of the couch. I contemplate putting it up, but I don’t even have the energy for that. All I want is to fall beneath my covers and dream it all away. I reach my room, tear my clothes from my body, leaving only my underwear then pull the blanket back and climbing into bed.
I’m jolted awake with a hand over the bottom half of my face. It takes a moment for my vision to adjust to the darkness. Liam’s sitting beside me. Cars drive by, streaks of light roll around the room, casting shadows against his peachy skin. My eyes widen as he tilts his head down and lifts his slung arm to place a finger over his lips. Slowly, he uncovers my mouth and grips something in his lap. I follow his hand and find he’s reaching for a gun. I nervously shuffle backward and prepare a scream, but all that comes out is a hoarse whimper. He releases his weapon and recovers my mouth, shaking his head vigorously. Liam scoots closer, and I flinch.