I shake my head with a smile as I fill a glass for Hadley and listen to Naomi’s rough strum of an E-minor chord. We also learned a C, but that one’s been even sketchier and she doesn’t attempt it. I’ve never heard the animated gossip side of Naomi before. It’s kind of a fun twist on the sullen, moody misanthrope I’m used to.
“Wow. That’s awesome! You learned a chord. Is that the surprise?”
I enter the room and hand Hadley the glass.
“Not the chord,” Naomi says with a laugh. “The guitar! Uncle Julian bought it for me today.”
Hadley’s eyes widen as she stares at Naomi for a moment, then lifts her gaze to me. I shrug and drop to the loveseat perpendicular to them.
Swinging my guitar into my lap, I start a light strum, content to let them do girl time while I work. I wouldn’t mind a distraction from the disturbing effect of Hadley’s presence either. Whatever changed last night is making it a lot harder to be near her. Somehow her hatred was easier to manage than her interest.
The girls are talking about something Viv-related now, and I manage to tune it out in favor of my strings. That lyric has been bugging me non-stop lately. A constant loop at this point, and still nothing to go with it. No chords feel right. No other lyrics are good enough to go before or after.
Please stay. I need you for the better days.
Who is it for? I don’t even know. Where did it come from?
I think about Ashley and how she used to tell me not to focus too hard on the future or I’d miss the steps to get there.
“Any dream worth having will take a piece of your soul.”
How many times did she tell me that when I’d come home frustrated after a disappointing gig in front of nobody? When tips and stipends didn’t even cover my minimal expenses? How many hours of gazing at the big names, and even mid-level names, and deciding to give up because it seemed so far out of reach and then…
“Uncle Julian?”
“Yeah?”
“What happened with Eastern Crush?”
I choke out a cough. “What?”
“Just…” Naomi looks away. Hadley looks like she simultaneously wants to shrink into the couch and go grab a bowl of popcorn.
“I… where did… what?” I ask again.
Naomi’s eyes center on me, and I see confusion above everything else. Maybe a little fear. Both trigger my anger. Not at her, just at the whole screwed up situation we’re in. I just bought her a guitar, paid to have the action adjusted, bought her extra strings, a tuner, even a small amp so she can play around with the electric component of her new acoustic-electric. I thought maybe we even bonded a little. Somehow that should earn me a reprieve from the negative stuff, right? How can she still look at me like she doesn’t trust me or know me at all?
She sighs. “Never mind,” she mutters, strumming through another few passes at the E-minor. Is the chord actually getting worse? It’s possible. She’s been at it a while so her fingers are probably tired and sore—like me and every muscle in my body and neuron in my brain.
“Naomi, it’s just…” I glance at Hadley, who clears her throat.
“Maybe I should go,” she says quickly. She starts to push up from the couch when Naomi grabs her arm.
“No, don’t leave. It’s fine. It’s not important. I don’t even care.” But we all know she’s lying. Something made her ask that question out of the blue. And something made her do it in front of Hadley.
Hadley and I exchange a long look, everything that happened last night flooding back in agonizing detail. Is she thinking about it too? Burning for more and wanting to pretend it never happened at the same time?
Old Julian would have accepted Naomi’s deferral. New Julian has learned what happens when you do that. Danny Ps fill the gap.
As much as I’d rather gouge my eye out than have this conversation, especially in front of Hadley, I force the words from my lips. “No, not never mind. Something is making you ask that question. What’s up, Naomi?”
She huffs and straightens. “Nothing. You’re right. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.”
“If something’s bothering you, then I’m glad you did,” I say, surprising myself. I am glad she did. I’m fucking relieved she asked me and didn’t text some random predator she met on the internet.
She grunts and releases a heavy sigh. “Okay. It’s just, Dad always said you guys were criminals and rapists. What did he mean by that? And what really happened?”
Ouch.
I stare at her for a second, pretty sure my stunned expression is giving away everything stirring inside me. I don’t want to be so transparent, but how do you recover from that? Also, what psychopath abandons his daughter to a man he’s previously labeled as a criminal and rapist? Allan better be wearing a full armor suit if he ever dares to show his face again.
I feel Hadley’s direct stare as well, and avert my gaze. How the hell do I answer Naomi? Picking at the strings on my Taylor, I run her questions through my mind and fish for any answer that will make sense to them. I barely understand what happened, let alone an eleven-year-old who’s probably been filled with heaven knows how much misinformation. I don’t really know what to do other than go back to the beginning… well, kind of.
“You probably don’t remember much about living in Pennsylvania. You were young when you and your mom moved out here to L.A.”
“Mom was from Pennsylvania.”
“Yeah. We grew up right near the town where you were born. That’s also where the guys from Eastern Crush were from. And Mason West.”
“Wait, you grew up near Mason West?” Hadley asks, shrinking at my cynical look. “Sorry. Just… sorry. Continue.”
I force away a smile. Okay, then. Guess this is going to be a full audience production. “Yeah. He’s the one who started Eastern Crush, remember? Except then it was Western Crush.”
“So you played with him?” Naomi asks.
I shake my head. “Not then. I played mostly solo stuff back then. Or did contract gigs for other people. Pretty much anything I could do to get on a stage and put a dollar in my pocket. Hell, I did some street performance for a while.”
I sense Hadley’s eyes on me again, but don’t want to risk getting derailed now that the words are coming out. Maybe it’s good for her to know the truth. She seemed pretty damn sure about the lies yesterday.
“Anyway Western Crush was always a big deal in our circuit, mostly because of the hype around Mason, so it was huge news when they got signed by Ex1t Row Records and Mason quit the band to take care of his kid.”
Hadley frowns at me, and I lift my hands. “I know, okay? Obviously, that’s not what really happened. At the time, though, that’s what they told me. That Mason quit to focus on family, Rob was stepping up to take over lead, Rick was moving into his spot which left an opening for a rhythm guitarist.
“Honestly, at the time it felt like God himself had stepped in to hand me this opportunity. After everything I’d been through and all the years of scraping by, here’s a free ticket on a train about to explode to the top. All the hard work had been done, dues paid. I just had to hop on and take the ride.”