Me: Hahahaha, funny girl. How long did it take you to type that out? Yeah. I can grab some on my way home before we head over to the field.
My Girl: A long damn time and thanks, babe. I love you. Tonight xxxxxxxxxxxxx
My Girl: In case you misunderstood that, that was me raining kisses down on you.
Me: ***strips in anticipation***
And just like that, we’re back to ourselves. Well, almost. As long as we can keep the extra bodies out of our bed and actually stay awake long enough to do something about it.
Chapter Five
Tess
“Oh my gosh, I’m gonna throw up.” I stop talking for a few moments and take a deep breath, choke down a little bile, and spray water from the spout on my water bottle onto my face. “Nope, false alarm. I’m good,” I take a deep breath and blow it out before continuing. “Can I ask a serious question please? Who the hell invented burpees? And wall sits, and knee lifts, and friggin’ mountain climbers? Seriously. What sadistic jerk thought of these workouts? Who thought it was awesome to jump and then fall to a push up then start all over again?” I mumble to Lauren who’s been coming over to my house to work out together for years now.
We used to go to a gym, but when it became clear that neither of us could really do jumping jacks or jump rope without peeing a little, we thought it best to move our workouts to a more private location. Only, just recently, we’ve decided to jump the CrossFit bandwagon but do the half-assed workouts at home rather than torturing ourselves with medicine balls and kettle balls, and heavy weights at the gym. So basically, we’re doing schoolyard workouts, but it makes us feel like we’re at least doing something. Plus, doing it together gives us the motivation to keep going.
I assume Lauren doesn’t want to look like a quitter just as much as I don’t. And it’s more fun. We can laugh together (and at each other) and have girl time. It’s perfect. Or it has the potential to be if we were in yoga pants and drinking wine rather than wearing yoga pants and pretending to work out.
“Someone with a major complex who enjoys watching people puke just trying to get in shape.”
“Clearly. This is ridiculous.” I groan as I roll over onto my back with my arms spread-eagle.
Lauren is next to me, lying prostrate on the ground. She lifts her head, looks my direction, and gags a little bit. Pretty sure she just swallowed her own vomit. No judgement, though, since I fought it off just moments ago. The stupidest part of it all is that we do this crap voluntarily. Voluntarily! But it’s either that, or Grady will give us his own WOD to follow, and I’m absolutely positive that would be worse.
Maybe.
Probably.
Not really sure which would be worse at this point in time.
I stand up on wobbly legs, moaning and groaning like a big baby the entire time. Lauren snickers up at me until she tries it, then she moans and groans the same way.
Back away from the brownies and wine, ladies.
“The most ridiculous part is, now I want to eat. All. The. Food. And I’d probably throw up anything that I put in my mouth, but I’m so damn hungry. Still, anything I want to eat will make everything we just did pointless,” Lauren says. “I just need to get a pair of plaid pregnancy pants and be done with it. Or borrow Monica’s lavender tunic. Then it won’t matter if I work out or not.”
“Definitely not the paste pants. Those won’t hide a thing.”
“So true.”
“Not even if I… Pivot!” I exclaim in response for some unknown reason and shove my fist in the air. We both lie there and laugh at our Friends references and continue making them for a solid five minutes before our stomachs start growling at us. “If you think I went through all that work just to eat some weird carb-free, flaxseed, protein, imitation muffin, you’ve got another thing coming. I’d eat one of Rachel’s meat trifles at this point. I’m so hungry. We’re going to Christine’s, and I’m ordering a latte and one of her cream-cheese-frosted cinnamon rolls,” I say with authority.
“There’s a reason you and I are best friends.”
“So what’s new with you?” Lauren asks as we sit down to have lunch.
We came straight from my house, so I can’t imagine what we both look like. A hot sweaty mess, more than likely. We are at our favorite coffee shop. It’s actually Christine’s, Bri’s mom, but she doesn’t seem to be working today. It was her dream, and when her husband passed, she discovered that he had been setting aside money for it. It was hard for her to accept at first; she felt like he should have been the one to help her set it up. After several months, though, Barrett and I helped her to take the leap and start Dreamin’ Beans.
“Same old same old. You?” I respond and shift the focus to her quickly.
“What’s wrong?” Lauren asks immediately. “I can tell something’s up. You know you can’t hide anything from me. How long have we known each other?” she asks. However, she doesn’t give me a chance to respond before she continues. “I’ve known you since I was seven years old, Tess. There’s nothing we haven’t been able to take on together yet. You know I won’t think any differently of you.”
She’s so right and, at this moment, even though I should probably be talking to my husband about this, I decide I need my best girl’s perspective. I lick my lips and then roll them together to muster up the courage to talk it out with my best friend. “Something’s going on with Barrett and me,” I blurt out.
“Bullshit. You two are like the perfect couple,” she defends immediately.
“You only see us on the outside. Not that I’m trying to present this ‘Oh we’re the perfect couple and my husband is perfect and my kids are perfect’ but…”
“I get it. Your troubles are your troubles. No need to air them because that’s your business and your business only. But… tell me what’s going on.” She prods anyway.
I know it’s not her being nosy. It’s her caring. Which is a big difference.
“I don’t know, to be honest. It’s like we’re both so damn tired all the time. We argue over little things that normally don’t even faze us. Oh! And I can’t believe I’m about to admit this because you’re gonna think the worst of me and speaking of, not sure why you haven’t mentioned it…”
“Tess, you’re rambling, and stop twisting your hair!” she says with raised eyebrows and a chuckle. She knows I ramble and twist my hair when I get nervous.
I release my hair from around my finger and drop my hands to wrap around my coffee cup. “No judgement, right? This is bad.” I pause, trying to gain some strength to admit everything. “Lauren, I forgot MaryEllen retired and had no clue who Keri was. I questioned Barrett about Keri, for pity’s sakes. I know better. I know deep in my heart that he would never step out on our marriage,” I tell her, then lower my voice. “I think I was just a little on edge because of finding out about Andy and Heather, you know? I guess I just never imagined they would split, or that she’d cheat on him. Hearing it just scared me with how distant we’ve been with each other lately. But most of all, we’re both so hard up in the bedroom that I swear I’m about ready to start sitting on the washing machine or break out Mr. Rabbit.”