She was tired and hungry, which she thought was a good sign, feeling immensely better. Her side still hurt like hell. But last night, Saint had deemed her wound clean and ready for stitching. They filled her in on their plan and she assured him that when the time came, she would be ready to go.
She turned to look at 2-Stroke, his face peaceful in sleep as if some of his demons that had dogged him may have been exorcised. But then she saw the circles under his eyes, and she realized that she must have caused him some sleepless nights since she’d been shot and was lost in that terrible fever.
She reached out and cupped his jaw, turning her body carefully so that she was on her good side. He made a soft sound, then opened his eyes.
“Hey there,” she said, her heart full.
He took one look at her face, swore softly, and caught her in a fiercely protective embrace.
“Ah, babe,” she whispered huskily. “I never meant to worry you like that.”
Holding on to him for dear life, Chry flattened her hands against his back, tears slipping down her face.
“It doesn’t matter now,” he said. “You’re awake and you’re getting better each hour.”
He tightened his hold, pulling her gently against him as he buried his face against the curve of her throat. He didn’t say anything more, just held her, the tension in his body making his arms tremble. Closing her eyes, Chry caught him by the back of the head and soothed him. It wrenched at her, knowing that he was feeling so raw. Trying to contain the ache around her heart, she was content to just lie here with him for the time being.
He didn’t move for a long time, then he finally inhaled heavily, relaxing his hold just a little. Smoothing back his hair, she eased away and looked at him. His face was etched with strain, and there was a starkness around his eyes that made her heart twist.
He held her gaze for just a moment, a flicker of hesitancy in his eyes. “I thought I was going to lose you there for a while.”
“But you didn’t. I’m going to be fine.”
His eyes darkened. “We’re not out of the woods yet.”
“I know, but we have a plan to get out. All we can do is try, Neo. We can’t let them win.”
The threat that was so close didn’t seem quite so scary now—not as long as 2-Stroke was holding her.
“I don’t give a damn about them. I just want you safe.”
“I know, but that’s unrealistic considering where we are and what we still have to endure.”
2-Stroke shifted his hand, lacing his fingers through hers. “I know, but as you said, we have a chance, and we’ll make the most of it.”
She nodded. She could tell by his tone that he was slipping into protective mode, into SEAL mode, taking him a bit away from her. She strongly suspected he’d worried it around in his mind just as much as she had, and he was right. There was nothing to be gained from talking about what might or might not happen. But maybe now was the time to talk about what had happened through all this.
He went to move, to get up and slide all that emotion she’d just seen in his eyes away so she wouldn’t see it. But she wanted 2-Stroke, all of him, even the parts he thought were unattractive. She wanted all of him but was afraid that he maybe couldn’t offer her all of him because he was afraid that if he did, he would lose too much of himself.
Bracing her shoulder, she shifted her position and grabbed onto his arm. “Talk to me, Neo.” Her heart skittered when he frowned. “Neo?” she whispered softly.
He met her gaze, the faint early morning light casting his face in disturbing shadows. “What?”
“You’ve been through a lot. Do you want to talk about it?”
He stared at her a moment, then looked away as he began toying with her hair. His voice was gruff when he finally answered. “I was scared as hell. I don’t like admitting that weakness, but I can’t lie about it to you.”
She wished he would look at her, that he wouldn’t avoid her gaze the way he was. A flutter of uncertainty stirred in her middle. “It’s not a weakness.”
“It is if you’re a SEAL, Chry.”
He didn’t say anything else, his face unreadable as he continued to finger her hair. Chry watched him, trying to think of something to say that would ease his mind. And she suddenly realized that she had been as guilty as he in the past about not being open. Her own apprehension and doubt had kept her from speaking out, that he didn’t know what went on in her mind any more than she knew what went on in his. With a burst of insight, it hit her that this was about building bridges and the honesty and openness—and trust—it took to do that. It took her a moment to assimilate that realization, then another to think about what he needed to know. And she realized that if they took care of the present, the past would take care of itself.
Trying to ignore the quavery feeling in the pit of her stomach, she frowned, clasping his shirt in her hand, trying to find the right words.
“We have something special between us, Neo. Something that no one can take away from us regardless what happens to us physically, emotionally, mentally. We…” She tugged him close to her. “We may discover we’re not good together romantically or we can’t find a way to work it out, but we will always have this between us. There isn’t anything that you can say that will make me turn away from you, ever.”
2-Stroke’s hand stilled, and there was a slight change in his breathing, but Chry kept on, afraid to look at him, afraid what she might see in his eyes. “I have no secrets or regrets. I was thrilled to be assigned to your team. I had nightmares that you wouldn’t accept me in that role. I should have told you how I felt before you left. It might not have changed anything, but it would have let you know that you didn’t have to feel so guilty about just leaving me without an explanation. But stupidly, I thought it was easier to say nothing. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you, but I hurt you anyway, and I feel awful about that.” She finally looked at him, met his somber gaze. “We love each other,” she whispered, holding his gaze, hoping he could see the absolute sincerity in her eyes. “Beyond the physical, beyond the fantasy, beyond sex and desire. It transcends all that.”
2-Stroke stared at her for a moment, the expression in his eyes softened into something warm and honest. “You really mean that, don’t you?” He smiled then, a soft smile that made her go all weak and warm inside. “I knew all that the moment I met you.”
Profoundly touched by his admission, she tried to smile back. “You were eight years old, Neo.”
The smile deepened, and the light in his eyes had a trace of mischief. “Yeah, I certainly was.”
He kissed her neck, then hugged her. “I have been so worried I was going to lose you. I couldn’t think straight.” He took a breath. “I only loved one other woman in this world, Chry. My mom. She was taken away from me too soon. I feel that same way about you, but I’m beginning to wonder if a million years would feel too soon.”
He met her gaze, his expression drawn. He frowned and looked away, carefully smoothing back her hair. “It brought all of it back to me. The panic, the fear, the sickening dread.”
“Oh, Neo…”
The torment in his eyes made her heart stall, but he went on as though she hadn’t spoken. “I got so angry at everything back then and now. I could handle—” His voice broke, and he roughly massaged his eyes. “You are right. We do have something special.” He swallowed hard and swiped at his eyes again, trying to control the moisture that gathered along his lashes. He drew a deep breath and dropped his hand, his face scored by the same raw emotion that had roughened his voice. He didn’t meet her gaze as he went on, his voice strained to the limit. “I was so torn up inside after I left, and I was having such a hell of a battle with feelings that I thought I had buried years ago, that I couldn’t put it all together.” Finally, he looked at her, his face ravaged by torment. “When I lost my mom, I lost myself. Then I found Riley and Dean, and I lost them too. I thought somehow, I didn’t matter, that all that mattered was standing up for what was right. I think I left for BUD/S believing I didn’t deserve you. Somehow I had squandered my relationships and been punished for it.”