I didn’t know where Liam was taking me, but I realized after the first few minutes of our ride that I didn’t really care. Whatever version of Liam I had my arms around was the version I wanted to keep in my mind. And while he was still here, it was the only version of him I wanted to think about.
We cruised south on I-95 for forty minutes until we reached North Kingstown and continued east to Aquidneck Island. Twenty minutes later, we reached Newport, a destination I’d always heard my friends rave about but I hadn’t visited until then. It was an area known for sailing and historic mansions that lined the coast.
We continued to cruise south a little more until we reached the end of Ocean Drive, where a beautiful white Victorian building sat overlooking the coast. Liam parked in the lot and gave me a sheepish grin over his shoulder. “There’s somewhere I want to take you, but we need to get our keys first.”
I let out a laugh, caught off guard but still exhilarated from the ride. “A room? Liam, you didn’t say anything about spending the night.”
His sheepish grin said it all. “I might have booked us a room.” Then his eyes widened, and his grin faded slightly. “But we can turn around and go home tonight if you’d rather. I figured it would be a long ride, and…”
His voice trailed off as I looked out over the coastline at the twinkling lights of boats sailing slowly in the peninsula. Island music played from the inn as lively voices chatted and gentle waves rolled in, crashing against the rocks. It was all the perfect soundtrack to a romantic night, but I couldn’t let myself believe that was what Liam had in store for us. My heart would never forgive me for it.
“No,” I finally said, daring a glance back at Liam. “We should stay.”
Something in his smile that followed was neither sheepish nor cocky. It was a look of relief, like he’d been banking on my response. I didn’t know why, but I had a feeling I would find out soon.
We got off the bike, and he took my hand, leading me to the front desk where the woman greeted us with drinks and two keys. Our room was lofty in size with a high ceiling, white wood-paneled walls, and a wall of windows with a French door that opened out onto a balcony. But Liam didn’t give me time to explore the room long. He set down a duffel bag I hadn’t even seen him carrying and pulled me straight back out of the room. “C’mon.”
Back downstairs, we crossed the dining area and wraparound porch where a live band played under strung-up white lights. Then he took me down a well-lit path, over rocks and sand, between tall grass, and onto an obscure path with dimmer lights.
“Where are you taking me?” I laughed.
For someone who lived across the pond, he sure seemed familiar with this area. I hid my curiosity as I held on tightly to Liam while he pulled me over rocky terrain until we left the path to where a lighthouse stood at the bottom of a set of stairs. I gasped. “Whoa. How did you know this was here?”
Liam beamed proudly as he extended an arm to the large structure at the edge of the cliff. It wasn’t tall and towering over us as I’d expect of a lighthouse, but it was still dominant in structure, with its rotating light calling attention to the jutting coastline.
“My family and I came here every year when I was little. It was Blake’s favorite place in the whole world.”
A fluttering erupted in my chest when I realized he’d brought me all the way here to revisit one of his childhood memories. He easily could have come alone. Liam didn’t strike me as the type of person who needed the company, but for whatever reason, he’d wanted me there, and I was glad I’d come.
He led me off the path and onto a set of large rocks, where he sat and helped me down.
“My brother was obsessed with boats and used to love watching them sail by at all hours of the day. I always thought he’d move here when he got older, maybe when he retired, or maybe before that. Maybe he’s here now.”
My throat tightened, and I reached for Liam’s hand. He was silent for a while longer, and I could sense something weighing heavy on his mind, so I waited.
Then he looked up, his eyes bloodshot, and he sucked in a deep breath. “Truth is, I didn’t want to come back here alone, especially not today.”
When he looked at me, a sad smile on his face, my heart tightened in my chest. “Why not today?”
“It’s the anniversary of his death. I can’t believe it’s been seventeen years.”
For a second, I couldn’t breathe. Hearing him talk about his late brother was hard enough, but for him to bring me here on the anniversary of his death, I didn’t know how to take that or what to say. A flood of emotions washed over me, and I really didn’t know how to make sense of anything. All I could do was inch closer to him and squeeze his hand.
“Well, then I’m glad you brought me.”
“You are?” He let out a laugh, his eyes still rimmed with red. “When I tried to get you to hang out with me the other night, I was just going to take you to this arcade I’d heard about. I was planning to get you embarrassingly drunk and drag you into a karaoke booth and make you sing Journey songs with me. When you wanted to wait a couple of days…”
He shrugged instead of finishing his sentence, and I realized it was all meant to be just as it had turned out.
“You know,” Liam started quietly. “Even though this is hard, I haven’t felt this right in quite a while.” He put a fist to his heart and knocked on it before flattening it against his chest. “No one tells you what to do when someone you love dies. It’s almost as if everyone expects you to grieve then just carry on with it, but this feeling.” He rubbed his chest again, shaking his head. “The loss. The emptiness. It’s an aching void that doesn’t ever fucking go away.”
Looping my arm around Liam’s, I scooted closer to him, holding him tightly to me while he rested his head on mine. I didn’t know what to say. Everything that came to mind felt insignificant compared to what he must have felt at that moment. So, I continued to hold onto him, just wanting Liam to know I was there. And I would continue to be there for as long as he let me.
27
Liam
Chelsea and I took showers separately when we got back to our room. She had to call her parents, so I went first, then she slipped in after me. While I debated climbing in there again, this time with her, a better idea popped into my head.
As Chelsea stepped out of the bathroom in her fluffy white bathrobe, her hair still wet from the shower, her gaze immediately fell to the tray of fresh strawberries, cheesecake, and champagne sitting on the bed. I handed her a bubbly glass, and she accepted it with a surprised smile.
“What is this?”
I leaned in and placed a kiss on her cheek, instantly getting a whiff of her sweet after-shower fragrance. “For you.” I pulled back, hooking my pointer finger through the belt loop of her robe. “I know it’s late, but I wanted to thank you for handling my little surprise like a champ.”
Her eyes batted down to the champagne in her hand then back up to me. “You don’t have to thank me, Liam. I’m glad you brought me. But…” She let the word linger as she stole a look at the cheesecake. “I definitely won’t let that cheesecake go to waste.”