Video reminders of every single breakup played throughout the show, only digging a deeper hole in the wounds I’d created. I’d never apologized so much in my entire life, and while I couldn’t be sure how genuine the women were, I was genuine in my apologies. It had never been my intention to hurt anyone.
We’d just gotten back from a commercial break when Colin invited Francesca onto the stage to join us. The crowd clearly loved her. She’d received the loudest applause when first introduced at the start of the show, and the crowd rose to their feet when she headed over to the couch.
I stood and hugged her, the same as I’d done with all the other women that had joined me. “Nice to see you again,” I muttered. In a way, it was good to see her again. After all, she’d played a huge part of my time on the show, time when I’d genuinely started to have feelings for her.
“Sure it is,” was her response. So dry, so cold. I was surprised to see the warm smile on her face when we pulled apart.
She turned and blew kisses to the audience, followed by a princess wave, then we both sat down. I hadn’t expected to feel my blood boil at any of my interactions with the women, but when I saw Francesca playing the audience just like she’d played me on camera during production, I was reminded of how our off-camera time had gone on our last night together.
“Is this the first time you two have spoken or seen each other since the show?” Colin asked, faux curiosity written all over his face. He already knew the answer to that.
Francesca and I both agreed that it was, in fact, our first time speaking, but then Francesca decided to take it even further. “It’s just so strange to see someone every day and to be so sure you’re going to marry that person, and then they just disappear off the face of the earth.”
Francesca pouted just slightly to get a sympathetic reaction from the crowd.
“What do you have to say to that, Liam?” Colin asked, keeping the perfect balance of imploring and sensitive.
“Well,” I started while I turned to face Francesca. “I suppose everything became strange after-the-fact. Breaking things off was hard for me too.”
She pushed her lips out farther in a bigger pout. “But you broke up with me.”
“That doesn’t mean I enjoyed it, Francesca. People break up every day. You date, you get to know people, then you either stay together or you break up.”
I cringed, realizing that could come off sounding heartless in the situation. I’d been reminded every day for the past three months that I’d broken women’s hearts. When could I finally move on?
“But that’s what I don’t understand,” she said, shifting on the couch to face me straight on. “Our dates were amazing. We got along so well.”
“On the surface, yes.”
Everyone in the room sucked in a breath while Francesca’s mouth hung open, like she’d just been slapped.
“Look,” I said, turning to Colin. “Every single woman sitting here tonight deserves to find love. The perfect, magical, amazing kind of love that comes along once in a lifetime. I couldn’t give that, even when I thought I could. Throughout this entire process, I learned more about myself than I ever had in my life. Making that lifelong commitment is a big deal, and I would have done every woman here a disservice if I had picked them.” I turned my glance to the group of women sitting offstage. “Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. That wasn’t something I could control or predict, and I’m very sorry I couldn’t be that person.”
I was more than surprised when a round of applause came from the audience. My eyes searched the crowd to see nodding heads, like I’d finally said something they understood. I was finally being honest.
“It doesn’t matter what you say now,” Francesca said with an incredulous look on her face. “You’ve had a month to prepare for this reunion. Emotions aren’t nearly as high as they were when the show ended.”
I took a deep breath, trying to control my rising annoyance. All I wanted was to walk off the stage, take my phone back from production, and find Chelsea, whether she was back in America or still in London. I had to find her, and the longer this interview carried on, the harder that would be.
“I’m very sorry, Francesca.”
“Clearly, you’re not,” she pushed. “You said you’ve learned so much from being on the show and that you’ve gained perspective, yet even when you’re off the show, you’re breaking women’s hearts.”
I tilted my head, trying desperately to hold onto my wits at her subtle mention of Chelsea. “It’s a little impossible to break someone’s heart when that heart was never yours to begin with. You never loved me, Francesca.”
Francesca’s jaw dropped. “And what do you know about love? You had thirty chances here, and then you broke up with us all, ran to Providence, and snuck around with some—nanny?” Her voice was practically squealing when she was done.
I pressed down on my ear with my pointer finger and wiggled it a bit, hoping to stop the ringing. By the time I regained my hearing, I felt like I was ready to explode. “Yes, as a matter of fact, that’s exactly what happened, and you know what I realized?” I looked to Colin. “I’m not the bad guy. You can all paint me as the villain if that’s what you need to do, but I joined this show for the right reasons. Because I wanted to find love. And you know what? It actually worked. I found love. Not in the way you all expected or wanted, but I found her, and I’ll do anything to get her back.”
“Wait a second,” Colin said, looking as confused as ever. “Are you saying that you’re in love with the nanny?”
My lids fell shut as annoyance raged through me. Then I thought of Chelsea’s face. Her presence that had always steadied me when I least expected it. I opened my eyes and smiled. “First of all, her name is Chelsea. And not only am I in love, but I finally understand the meaning behind that phrase.”
The audience gasped and talked amongst themselves, even while the stage crew tried to silence them with frantic waves of their hands.
“I thought she was just your friend,” Colin said, still trying to understand.
“She is my friend, my best friend, but I never should have reduced her to just that. She’s my soul mate, my everything, and I need to find her.”
I stood up from the couch and looked down at Colin, my hand moving to the microphone inside the back of my trousers. I was so desperate to remove the microphone that I barely noticed Colin announcing the commercial break.
“Can we help?”
Colin’s question more than surprised me. “Really?”
He nodded and stood up, clapping his hand on my shoulder. “Well, yeah, bud. If there’s a love story here, I think we all want in on it.” He turned to the audience, even though the cameras were off, since they could still hear. “Right guys?”
The audience roared with their applause.
As exciting as the enthusiasm was, I still had a major dilemma. “Well, alright. But I have no idea where to start looking. She could have gone back to America for all I know.”
“She hasn’t checkout out of the hotel, mate. She’s still in London.”
We all swiveled toward Bart’s voice coming from side stage.