He held me as I lost all control, kissed me as he filled me.
Later, we lost each other in the waterfall, again and again.
And each time was better and wilder and more than the last.
He’d brought a tent and a sleeping bag in his pack. After setting it up, he made a fire by the pool. We ate out of cans heated on the fire. Wrapped up naked in a sleeping bag.
Made love deep into the night, bare every time.
I knew the risks, but with Ink, I didn’t care. The only risk was pregnancy and, crazy as it sounded, I wasn’t afraid of that either. I just needed Ink, needed this with him, needed to feel him. Feel us.
I wanted to feel and be loved by him—and know that my love for him was enough for him. That we were everything to each other.
We lay in the tent, drowsing near dawn.
“Build a love with me, Cass. Build a life with me.” He dug in his bag. Pulled out a small crimson velvet bag. Produced a ring—a tiny diamond solitaire.
“This was my great-grandmother’s. Supposed to go to my mom, but Dad insisted she have his. So I have it. Had it for years. Just held on to it, carried it around with me.”
I swallowed hard. “Ink…” I gazed at him in the gray soft light. “Really?”
“I want to grow this love with you, Little Sparrow.” He touched my hand, lifted my finger. “Say yes.”
“Yes, my love. Yes, a million times yes,” I whispered, choking on my own emotion, my tears, my love, my words.
He stared at me, almost shocked at my answer. “Yes?”
I flexed my finger. “I want to love you forever. I want your grandmother’s ring. I want us. I want to live in Ketchikan and dance and make babies with you.”
“It’d be a miracle if we already haven’t,” he said.
I stared at the ring, marveling. “I’d be okay with that, honestly.”
He marveled. “You would?”
I laughed. “I’m all in, Ink. All in, all the way.”
He wrapped me up. “What did I do to deserve you?”
I laughed as we found each other yet again. “I don’t know, but I’m excited for our future.”
“Me too.”
Our future held love, days of it.
At the waterfall, at the cabin. In the woods. Outside by the pond.
His home.
My home.
Our home.
Home.
I was home.
Epilogue
Charlie
My phone rang. I peered at it, grunting an unladylike curse. 3:33 a.m.
Lexie.
Why was she calling me at three in the morning?
Why was she calling me at all?
She never called.
I answered it, rolling to my back, putting it on speaker and tossing the phone on my chest. “Lex? What is it?”
“Charlie, god, thank god you answered. I…I’m sorry. I couldn’t call Mom. I didn’t know who to call.”
“What’s wrong, Alexandra?”
A sniffle. “I’m in trouble, Char. I…I need help.”
This from the most independent human being I’ve ever met. The girl who was cooking herself breakfast by four, packing her own lunches by kindergarten, had a job at fourteen, a car at sixteen, and despite her ostensibly hand-to-mouth existence, better credit and savings than me.
She never needed help. Had always refused it.
“What kind of trouble, Lex?”
A sob. “Not over the phone.”
“Oh geez, honey. It must be bad.”
A sob. “Yeah. It’s bad. I’m a terrible person. I’m a sinner, and I’m going to hell, and I’m in serious trouble.”
“Drugs, the law, or babies?” I asked.
“Charlie, please.” I’ve never heard such a raw, broken plea from anyone before.
“Where are you, and what do you need?”
“I’m at college. But I need you to…to…to come get me.”
“It’s not close, sweetie.”
“Please.”
“Now?”
“Can you get here any sooner than right now? I need to get out of here. I can’t stay here anymore.”
“What the hell happened, Alexandra?”
Another sob. “I’ll tell you everything when you get here.”
I put her college into Google Maps on my phone, and it spat out a drive time of around three hours. “I’ll be there by seven. I’ll call you when I’m close.”
She sighed. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”
“This had better be a life or death thing, Lex. I’m dealing with my own crisis.”
“It is. I mean, I’m not going to die, but I’d half like to. Thought about it.”
“Alexandra!”
“Truth, Char. I did. I thought about it.”
“That bad?”
“I’ve just transferred to Sarah Lawrence. And now I have to leave.” She sniffled. “God, why?”
I sighed. “Be safe, be smart. I’ll be there by seven a.m., okay? Just hang tight. Big sis is on the way.”
“What would I do without you?” She sounded utterly relieved. “And Charlotte?”
“Yeah?”
“When I tell you my story, will you…will you promise to not judge me? Or, not judge me too harshly?”
“You’re my sister, Lex. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. You and me, okay?”
“Promise you won’t hate me?”
“I don’t make promises, Lex. But you’re my sister. I won’t hate you.”
“You don’t know, Char, you don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into.”
I sighed, roughly. “If you want me to come get you, you have to let me go so I can get dressed and drive all the way there from Boston.”
“Okay, okay. Just…just call me on the way? I can’t be alone.”
“My god, Lex. It’s going to be okay. I promise you.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
I got up and started getting dressed. “Lex, believe it. We’ll…” I thought of Mom, and my last talk with her. “We’ll have a road trip. You and me. New York to Alaska. We’ll go see Mom and Cassie and their new boyfriends. We’ll drive, take our time. Slow and easy and fun. We’ll talk it through, and we’ll figure it out. Sound good?”
She hiccupped. “Yeah, it does. That’ll take weeks! It’ll be great.”
“It does and it will. So pack your crap, sis, we’re going on a road trip!”