“Yeah, I know. Where do you think Ryder gets all his good ideas? He steals them from me.” Smirking, she chuckles as she pats herself on the back.
There's a knock at the door, and my friend Hanna pokes her head in. “You almost ready? It's just about time?”
Hanna is one of a handful of my friends from New York that stood by my side after my step-father disowned me. There are not many people in that rich circle that would embrace a simple country girl like me, but I'm lucky enough to have found those diamonds in the rough.
Exhaling hard, I take another sip of water and stand up. “Yeah, I think I'm ready.” Running my hands down the front of my dress, I look at Hanna and ask, “Is Tara back?”
“Yeah, she's downstairs. Why?”
“Just making sure,” I answer nervously. “I'm ready.”
“Good,” Melody says. “Now let's make you a Jamison.”
I follow them downstairs, holding up my dress the best I can. I love my dress. I found it on the first day I went looking. I spotted it in the window, and I knew it was the one.
Champagne colored with a sparkling floral design that traces the hem, it hugs my body and curves perfectly. A small train extends off the back, and the bodice is multiple layers of silk that create a cross pattern. The heart shaped top shows a little bit of cleavage, not too much, just enough to give Ryder a peek. The back is open across my shoulders, and the laced up corset top creates more curve to my hips.
Our wedding is small. We're having it at the farm. The ceremony is in the field, and the reception is going to be in the barn. I did decide in the end to invite my parents, but neither one responded back.
I'm at least hoping my mother shows up, but if she doesn't, I know it's only because Troy won't allow her to. All I can do is wish she finds the strength to tell him to fuck off, that her only daughter is getting married, and she's coming if he likes it or not.
Except, I know my mother isn't strong enough to stand up to the man who holds her livelihood in his hands. If she goes against him, he'll punish her for it. He'll take her credit cards away, maybe even remove her name from the bank account.
She won't give all that up for me.
The music is playing, and the bridesmaids start to walk down the aisle. I peek around the corner and look at the tiny cluster of chairs still hanging on to the hope that my mother might be here.
Glancing over the faces, she's not.
Saddened, I try to understand. I know she could never stomach being sent back to this level. And that's okay. I don't hate her for it. I wish she was stronger, but in the end, it doesn't change the happiness that waits for me.
Her weakness has turned into my strength. My strength to realize that I don't need material things to be happy. The strength to choose love over status.
I won't let her absence ruin my day. Today is not about my mother or my step-father.
Today is about us.
The music changes, signaling it's my turn. I step out around the corner, smiling instantly. I can't stop it. My lips curl high and my cheeks flush as I lay eyes on the sexiest man on earth.
Ryder is at the altar, flawless and perfect. He's dressed in a coal black suit with a bright red tie. A red rose is pinned to his breast pocket, and his hair is tousled to perfection.
Our eyes connect. His glisten in happiness, and he grins from ear to ear as I make my way down to him. Holding out his hand, he pulls me in. The look in his eyes says he wants to kiss me right this very second, but he doesn't, he maintains control.
He braids our fingers together as the guests sit back down, and the justice of the peace begins the ceremony. I can hear her voice, but it sounds far away. I can't focus on anything but Ryder.
She finishes a really sweet speech about finding love and what it means to give your heart to someone else. Glancing between us, she asks, “Ryder, do you take Jenna to be your wife?”
“I do,” he says, slipping the band over my finger.
“And do you Jenna, take Ryder to be your husband?”
“I do,” I answer eagerly, slipping his band over his finger.
“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”
Ryder licks his lips as his smile broadens and he wraps an arm around my waist. I'm about to go in for the kiss, when he dips me hard. Swinging me around, he crushes his lips against mine, and kisses me.
Our friends and family all begin to cheer and clap as Ryder and I walk back up the aisle. We take some pictures out in the gardens, and then head into the barn for the reception.
It all seems to happen so fast. We dance, we eat, we dance some more. Everyone is having a great time, and that makes me so happy. From the corner of my eye, Tara is waving me over with a quick hand.
Kissing Ryder on the cheek, I say, “I'll be right back.” Hurrying over to Tara, I ask, “Did you get it?”
“Yeah, I put in the upstairs bathroom. You want me to come with you?”
“No, that's all right. Can you just send Ryder inside for me in like fifteen minutes?”
“You really think—”
“No, no, I don't think so. I'm sure it'll be fine. But just in case, tell him I need his help for a minute. If it's nothing, I'll at least be able to grab a few minutes alone with him.” Lifting the front of my dress, I head into the house, doing my best to navigate the tight hall to the bathroom.
Opening the cabinets, I shuffle through the drawers, and under the sink. Checking the closet, I eventually find the small plastic bag tucked in my makeup bag. I haven't touched that bag in months, so it's funny to me my friend from the city would think to put it there.
I should have known.
Tugging up my dress, it's even harder to navigate the toilet, but I get it done. It's a stupid test, but it'll ease my nerves a little bit. Ryder and I haven't exactly been cautious, but we've been together for over six months and nothing has happened yet.
The only reason I even want to take a pregnancy test is because I haven't felt like myself the past few days. Throwing up daily isn't normal for me but getting married causes your nerves to run wild, too.
This is just to ease my nerves.
If it comes back negative, there's no reason to think my upset stomach is anything other than being crazy nervous. If it's positive, then Ryder and I have a few things to think about. Our plans will have to change a little, but it will be worth it.
Tapping my nails against the sink, I pace back and forth in front of the mirror. I'm nervous, more nervous right now than I was before the ceremony. Nibbling on the tip of my nail, I can't sit still.
My pulse is beating rapidly, sending a cold chill down my spine. I'm breathing fast, only able to inhale short gulps of air. I have no idea how long it's been. The box says to wait three minutes, but time feels like it's going by so damn slow.
Screw it. I'm looking anyway.
Snatching the plastic strip off the back of the toilet, I hold it in my hands and close my eyes. I want to look, but something is stopping me.
Fear. Uncertainty. Excitement. It all flows through me in a matter of seconds. If it's positive, how do I know I'll be a good mother? If it's positive, how do I know I'll be able to give a child everything they might need?
If it's negative, will the disappointment crush me, or will it make me breathe a sigh of relief?