I shut my eyes and reminded myself of the goal.
I pictured myself sitting in a busy cafe in the middle of New York City. The smell of the coffee. The sounds of the city. On a really cool fall day too. The kind of days that never existed here. And I’d be listening to some chill music, earbuds in my ears, working on my next book.
It was a calm feeling.
A really calm feeling.
Then I made the mistake of opening my eyes.
The rush of rock stardom was right there in my face.
Filthy Line was off the stage, walking by me.
Celebrating another show.
Last off the stage this time was Nash.
He was slow, his face stone like.
I looked at him.
He looked at me.
As he walked by me, he was the only person who made me feel like I was in existence.
He touched my face with his right hand and kept going.
It was a second, if that.
His rock star, lead singer, sweaty hand.
He kept walking and had a security guard on each side of him. Head down, looking tired and deep in thought. Shirtless. Tattoos on his muscular back. The right back pocket of his jeans ripped off. I wasn’t sure if that was on purpose for looks or an accident by design.
Nash then stopped and pointed for the security guards to keep going.
He turned his head and the wild stare he shot at me made me touch my chest to make sure my heart was still beating.
I stepped forward one step and he disappeared.
I thought about going to find him but then remembered about his Line Whore. Hand-picked like a piece of meat at a fancy steakhouse.
I turned and Toby was right there.
As though he were watching me.
“You scared me,” I said.
“You’re scaring me,” he said.
“What does that mean?”
“What are you doing right now, Olivia?”
“I’m going to my room,” I said. “Get me a ride. Now.”
If Toby was going to be up my ass about Nash and whether we were getting close or not, I was going to take advantage of it.
And I did.
There was a car waiting for me that drove me to the hotel.
I went to my room and fell face down onto the bed and screamed.
That felt good.
Really fucking good.
Then I decided to call Eve. She was the only one I could talk to right now who didn’t get all crazy eyed because I was on tour with a famous rock band.
“Hey, freak face,” Eve said.
“Ugly pants,” I said.
That’s what Jacob Smirth used to call us when we were in the ninth grade. He was this older, jock asshole who refused to leave us alone. His name calling was pathetic. So one day after a gym class we snuck into the boys room and pretended to flirt with him. Then me and Eve kissed. And let’s just say it made Jacob make a mess of himself and we told the entire school about his no-touch-one-second-squirt issue.
He never bothered us after that.
“How’s the road?” Eve asked.
“It’s crazy.”
“Like really crazy or just crazy?”
“It’s really crazy. I can’t even…”
“So, all the rock star things are true?”
My mind flashed to images of the booze, drugs, women… the stripper pole in the dressing room… the number of women’s breasts I had seen in such a short time…
“Yeah,” I said. “They had one thousand green gummy bears delivered.”
“Excuse me?”
I laughed. “Nash told me for each show they do something stupid to piss off their manager. They can demand anything they want and they get it.”
“Gummy bears?”
“Just to be pricks,” I said.
“Hey, tonight Jerry smacked me in the face and called me a bitch.”
“No,” I said, gasping.
“Yeah,” Eve said. “Brian was watching some crime movie and Jerry was napping on the couch. Or so he thought.”
“Oh god,” I said, laughing. “What did you do?”
“Told him my mother didn’t raise no bitch,” Eve said.
“You didn’t.”
“In my head I did. In reality I told him to never say that again. And to never hit a woman. Then I texted Brian and told him he has to figure it out.”
There was a knock at my room door.
“Hold on, Eve,” I said. I turned the phone away. “I’m sleeping!” I yelled.
“Food service,” a muffled voice yelled.
“I didn’t order anything!” I yelled.
“Food service.”
I stood up. “Sorry, Eve, but there’s food here. I didn’t order anything.”
“Maybe it’s from the band,” she said.
“Are you going to get all starry eyed now too?”
“No,” she said. “Sorry. Even if it is fucking Filthy Line. Like, when do I get my ohmyfuckinggod moment?”
“You’re a bitch,” I said.
“I know. Love you. Enjoy your food. I bet it’s gummy bears.”
“I’ll kill Nash,” I said. “I swear.”
“Listen to you. Talking about him like that. Like you’re old friends.”
“Far from it. I’m trying to hold things together. I get through this tour and all these people get to work, the band gets a deal, and I finally get my shot at a real book deal.”
“Well, go get it done,” Eve said. “And if things get too crazy, remember me. You could be sitting on the couch in heart pajamas waiting for your favorite reality show to come on.”
“That actually sounds amazing right now.”
Now there was banging at the door. “Food service!”
“I’ll buy you a pair of heart PJs,” Eve said. “Now go.”
The call ended.
I ripped open the hotel door ready to punch the asshole with the food.
I had to jump back and I didn’t get to punch anyone.
It was Filthy Line.
The entire damn band… well, minus Sab.
Rushing into my room.
“So there’s no food?” I asked with my arms crossed.
Nash stood across from me, trying to mimic me with his arms crossed.
“You hungry for something, babe?” he asked.
“Oh, this is a fucking sweet room,” Jay said. “Nice bed. Got some miles on it.”
I looked and had to do a double take. I imagined me telling Zoe that Jay from Filthy Line was in my bed. And that Dex stood with the balcony door open, smoking a joint. And that Reed sat on the dresser next to my bag chugging vodka like it was water.
“Where’s Sab?” I asked.
Nash pointed to the door.
The timing was perfect, which irritated me.
The door opened and in came Sab carrying three pizza boxes.
“Order’s up,” he said.
“What took so fucking long?” Reed asked.
“You know what he was doing,” Jay said. He humped the air for a second and laughed.
“No, more like this,” Dex said as he made a fist and jerked off the air.
“Ah, how sweet,” Nash said. “Does she know you stroke it when you’re texting?”
Sab dropped the pizza boxes to the bed and reached for Reed’s bottle of vodka.
“You’re all pieces of shit,” Sab said. “I’m not saying a word because you won’t hear it.”