Max reached out, wiped a tear away with his thumb, and left his hand cupping my cheek. “Please don’t hate me,” he breathed.
Hate him? How could I ever hate him? I’d never stopped loving him.
“I could never hate you, Max.”
“Even though I would deserve it?”
“Never.”
“I wish things were different. I didn’t know about the baby until after I’d offered you the job here. If I’d known before you called me…” He trailed off and sighed. His shoulders slumped. “I don’t know what I would have done. I might never have offered you the job to spare you finding out like this. But then again, I might have anyway because I could hear how desperate you were to get out of New York.”
“I’m glad you did,” I said, wiping away more tears.
“Are you just saying that?”
I shrugged.
Max surprised me by moving to sit beside me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Instinctively, I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in the smell of him. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall, and all the while, he rubbed my back. I could hear his heart beating steadily and I listened to him breathing.
I nuzzled in closer.
It felt good to be so close to him. For a moment I pretended, we were still us and the rest of the world didn’t matter anymore. Sienna and her baby didn’t matter. Neither did work or our past, or the futures that now lay ahead of us, forking in different directions. This moment was enough.
Max’s fingers were suddenly under my chin, lifting my face to his.
My eyes fluttered open and locked onto his gaze. His lips parted, and we leaned into each other, and before I had time to process what was happening, he kissed me.
It started out gentle and soft, like we were reminding ourselves of what it felt like to kiss each other and be so close—like we were afraid. It deepened within moments, and soon, his fingers moved from under my chin to the back of my neck, where they worked up into my hair and tightened into a fist so he could hold me fiercely against him and kiss me like he was trying to brand me with his lips.
If he could have, I would have let him.
I wish I was yours, I thought as his tongue pressed between my teeth. I would give you anything to be yours again.
I whimpered against the kiss and pressed my hands flat to his chest.
“No,” his soft protest was lost between our lips.
I knew what he was thinking. Please don’t make me stop.
But I had to. This would only lead to more pain.
I pressed harder against his chest and he broke away, eyes downcast, chest rising and falling like he’d just run up and down several flights of stairs.
“I can’t,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”
Chapter 12
Max
“What do you want from me?” Janie’s eyes flicked back and forth between mine.
My chest ached beneath her palms. “I don’t know.”
Was that the truth? My head was a storm of thoughts and confusion. I hardly knew up from down, let alone what I wanted from Janie in that moment, besides the comfort of her familiar touch, her body, her kisses. She’d always known how to chase away a bad day when we were together with those lips of hers. She’d shown me mercy I never knew before.
I wanted that now, but it was unfair to ask it of her.
Janie let herself slump against my chest. She rested her cheek against me and didn’t pull away, so I wrapped my arms around her.
“Have you talked to your sister?” she asked.
Yikes. Holly would rain hell down on me when she found out about Sienna and the baby.
“No,” I said.
Janie let out something between a sob and a laugh. “Too scared?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t blame you.” Janie shifted and sat up, wiping away the last of her tears as she brought herself back under control. “You should call her, though. She’ll want to know. And God be with you if she finds out from someone else.”
Now that was a scary thought. “I’ll call her.”
“Today?” Janie asked.
I nodded. “Today.”
“Good.”
Was this what we were now? Broken conversations and one-word answers? Was there any chance Janie and I could ever get back to who we used to be? Would she ever want to, now that I’d gone off and made a single mistake that would change the rest of my life?
Janie nodded toward her door. “I’ll be okay. You should go call her. She’ll be able to give advice that I can’t right now.”
“I don’t want to leave you in here alone.”
Janie forced herself to smile, but it didn’t touch her eyes. “I’ll be okay.”
No you won’t. I can tell.
“Go,” she said again.
Knowing she’d made up her mind and wanted nothing more than for me to get out of her office so she could cry in peace, I got to my feet and went to her door, pausing to look back as she stared at the rows of books on her bookshelves.
“Janie?”
She glanced at me.
“I’m still just next door, yeah? That hasn’t changed. I’m still always going to be here.”
She swallowed, her brow furrowed, and her bottom lip trembled. “I know that.”
With that, I left her. As soon as the door fell closed behind me, I heard her break down again. The sound of her pain hurt me. A thousand tiny knives poked at my insides as I went to my own office and picked up the phone to call Holly.
As it rang, I told myself this conversation could in no way be more difficult than the one I’d just had with Janie. I could handle whatever Holly threw at me.
My sister answered the phone right before my call went to her voicemail. “Long time no talk, stranger. It’s been so long I almost forgot I had a brother.”
“I’ve been a bit tied up with things.”
“I know, I know, Mr. big shot CEO. You’re always tied up with other things. Don’t worry, I forgive you.”
“You might not feel the same way when I tell you why I’ve been out of touch.”
Holly paused. There was background music playing and it sounded like she might have been in a mall or a boutique. My sister definitely loved her shopping. Knowing her, she was on the prowl for a new pair of summer sandals or a dress perhaps.
“What did you do, Max?” she asked.
How did I put this as delicately as possible?
My hesitation only made Holly more agitated. “If you don’t spit it out right now, I’m coming down to your office to drag it out of you one way or another. What’s this about?”
“I got a call from Sienna two weeks ago.”
“And? What of it? That psycho is always calling you. I don’t know why you ever dated her in the first place, Max. Honestly.” Holly paused and I knew she was shifting the phone to her other ear while she most likely held up an article of clothing to get a better look at it. She hummed briefly, considering, and continued. “She has literally nothing going for her. Sure, she’s got a pretty smile, but she paid for it to look that way, just like everything else about her. Someone should have told her no amount of money can make a cruel person pretty.”