I stop struggling and let my body go lax. My shoulders hunch, and I let my muscles loosen.
Reena exhales a breath. She pulls her arms from around me and moves away, pushing herself to sit. “What were you thinking?”
Her voice is disturbed and angry, and yet I also hear genuine concern. She is Kayden’s sister, a man I now know I can’t trust, and yet Reena is like him but also not.
She’s the one who asked him not to hurt me, who tried to hold him back. And Kayden, it seems, respected her wishes and left right after that meeting. I haven’t seen him since. Is that good? Or bad? Where is he? What is he scheming about now? I am not quite sure, to be honest.
I am relieved that he isn’t around. It seems wrong to be in the presence of any other male, any other alpha except the one who is my own.
Except he isn’t...my own.
He belongs to no one—not to me, not to this city.
The mating cord shudders and cringes inside my chest. I rub the skin over it. It shouldn’t hurt so much to think of him.
To feel him flow through my blood as if his essence is already inside and mingling with mine. It should scare me to realize that I am sensing his thoughts, that I am seeing him more clearly than anyone else has. A deep loneliness bleeds down the bond, and uncertainty, and fear…so much fear. About his past, his future, about losing me. I shouldn’t feel it. I don’t want to feel it. It’s not right. I shouldn’t feel this close to a man, a monster who took me when I was at my most vulnerable, the one who bonded me before I had a say in the matter. He used my heat cycle, my need to be physically rutted through the cycle against me…a man who used my vulnerability to claim me?
Can I trust him?
Can I allow myself to see the sliver of genuine goodness I sensed somewhere deep inside him?
More than that… It is a strength, a passion, a fierce will to follow his heart, to do what is right. Except what he feels is right is not always right for the world. And I am the only one who can see it, feel it, sense it deeper than he ever has. What am I going to do about it?
Should I allow myself to draw him out, let Kayden capture him? Do I have a choice? If I don’t, Kayden will kill my clan. Yet, if I lead Kayden to Zeus, if I allow Zeus to walk into the trap, Kayden will kill him, and as one half of a mated pair, my days will be numbered. Either way, only one thing is certain—I am going to die.
A calm descends over me.
That is right. A peace, an end to this existence which has become so twisted and convoluted, so entwined with the life of another who I have no desire to call my own. To whom I am becoming more attached with every passing moment.
If I kill myself first…? It is only a matter of time before Zeus dies, too.
Kayden will get what he wants. And my clan will be safe.
The more I think about it, the more I know this is the only way out. The mating cord curls on itself and anguish pours from it. Fear pounds through it, slamming into the presence at the other end, and I know Zeus can sense I have decided on a course of action.
He doesn’t know what it is, but he knows already that he does not like it.
I sense his will flood down the bond. Sense him pulse reassurance, heat, a lick of fire…enough desire for my nerve endings to flare, to cramp my womb, my core moistening with need. He’s not holding back, Zeus. He’s trying everything possible to change my mind…from what, he can’t know, but it’s as if he’s thrusting the very force of his will, his dominance on me to stop me from what I am doing.
Sweat breaks out on my forehead.
At the same time, moisture laces my core.
My heart pounds so fast I am sure it is going to burst out of my rib cage at any moment.
A breath wheezes out of me; my lungs seem to be unable to take in any more oxygen. Every part of my will resists Zeus’ influence, even as my body insists I go to him. That I am half of him. I am nothing without him.
“No,” I scream and slam my fist on the floor. The skin over my knuckles breaks, and the smell of copper is in the air. I let the pain center me.
“What is it?” Reena’s voice sounds over me. She grips my arms and tries to hold me down.
“Help me,” I gasp out.
The world whirls around me.
My vision wavers. If I don’t see Zeus soon, feel him, scent him, lick him, and draw of him, I am going to be reduced to a blubbering mass of need that nothing and no one can fulfill. This is not what I want. Not to be bonded to someone who feels so close that they are a part of me…even as my mind, my very will, that primal, rational thinking part of me still resists. The fight is going to kill me anyway…if I let it. I didn’t choose how to come into this world, but I am going to choose how to end my life…in a way that benefits those I love the most. My family.
Reena’s face fills my vision. Her chin trembles, and her grip on my arms firms. “Tell me what you need.”
36
Zeus
I race out and onto the streets I’d traversed as a child. The safe house is in the East End of the city. I am sure this is where my father met my mother. Neither of them mentioned it to me, but the thud of my heart, the heavy feeling in my chest, and that sinking hole in my gut confirm to me this is where the two of them had run into each other. This is where my father took her for the first time. For all I know he fucked her in the very house, in the bed where I had lain at night. My gut churns, and leaning over, I puke. I’ve never done this before, been so affected by the thought of my parents, been so tuned in to the plight of my mother.
I cared for my mother, protected her from hoodlums in the neighborhood when I came of age…but had always consciously blocked out all thought of how it could have been for them to be together. How it was for her to have run into him, to be attracted to him, to submit to him knowing all along he was never going to recognize her. A whore from the wrong side of town, who survived the wildness of the streets. She had enough courage to face up to the alpha who wouldn’t let go of her, not until he'd had his fill of her…and yet she hadn’t been able to protect her heart from him.
She’d fallen for my father, the General, had been taken in by his fine clothes, his power, his charisma, and had submitted to him. Golan never gave her the recognition she deserved. He’d never taken her for a mate, not officially.
I realize now that my mother must have begun to affect him, too. He must not have realized how much the mating bond goes both ways. He’d thought with her death he’d be rid of her influence. He hadn’t bargained on how much her death would shorten his lifespan, too. He’d gotten progressively sicker, weaker after her death, and when it came to killing him, I’d eschewed the weapons and used the ways of the street.
The mighty Golan, killed by old-fashioned strangulation. Oh! The irony. I chuckle.
This scent of blood is heavy in the air, and the reek of poverty is all around me. The stench of desperation and helplessness that permeated my childhood clings to my skin, twists my insides. And I have had enough. I need to get out of here.
Pulse pounding in my temples, I swing into the armored car and set off. Sol and Ethan are following me separately. Ethan had insisted on that, and I know he is right. I owe my second a lot, not only for thinking on his feet but also for agreeing to me embarking on this harebrained mission on my own.