Despite it being in a psych ward, the library smelled heavenly. New and old books filled the air, promising adventure, love, and betrayal. I desperately wanted to check out a few books on poetry—and maybe some of Shakespeare’s greatest sonnets—but I wasn’t there for that.
There were six laptops in the far corner. All empty. I took the one closest to the wall and quickly ventured down the rabbit hole known as YouTube. It occurred to me while hunting that if there were any videos of my darkest moment, then there were probably a few comments too. That alone sent a wave of panic crashing through me.
In the end Varla was right. Typical. Several videos were uploaded—including an interview I had given to a New York reporter on the third day of the trial. Breathe. Breathe…you have to do this.
I swallowed hard as the thumbnails of my face laughed back at me. This was the one and only time I wished I had taken my morning meds. Heart pounding, legs shaking, I put on the available headphones and click the mouse.
“Miss Evans, you say that you were abused by District Attorney Evans for the last ten years but that you didn’t speak-up for fear of retaliation. What gave you the courage to finally take that extra step and report your stepfather?”
Dressed in a cream skirt and lavender top I walked past the glass windows of the courthouse with my attorney, Malcolm, ushering me through the crowd. The New York reporter followed behind like a lost puppy.
“Miss Evans?” The reporter pressed on.
I looked straight at the camera as we entered the parking lot. “My sister. She deserves justice and I intend to make sure that she gets it.”
“Mr. Evans testified today that you have a history of self-harm—”
“—I have never cut myself!” I was past the point of irate and pushing people to get out of my way.
Oh God…
My finger pointed at every reporter in sight, “If you believe him you’re nothing more an accessory to his ongoing torture and abuse! I did the right thing! I told you the truth! Why won’t you help me?”
Tears pooled into my eyes as I stared at the eleven inch screen. Closing the laptop, I buried my face in my hands and took a deep breath. I was supposed to be getting justice for her, not playing house with a bunch of misfits. The image of Joe jerking down her panties blurred my vision. He was pissed, his menacing eyes glared at her bed as he grabbed a fistful of her blonde hair and jerked her head back.
I wasn’t there in the library.
No.
I was back in the closet watching helplessly as he ripped off her shirt. I wanted to scream for him to stop, to grab the bat underneath the bed and finish what Elizabeth had once promised to do—but I couldn’t move. At the sight of him thrusting inside of her my body went numb.
Breathe…
Squeezing my eyes shut I grabbed my chest and slowly rocked back and forth, begging for the air to come back to my lungs, all the while whispering the same phrase over and over: You’re mommy’s little bumblebee. You’re a bumblebee, yes you are. You’re a bumblebee to the stars. You’re a bumblebee, yes you are. You’re mommy’s little bumblebee.
“Hey.”
A soft shake came to my shoulder.
You should’ve helped her.
“Stray! Hey!”
My body shook involuntarily.
“Open your eyes!” The voice commanded. There was too much going on and I couldn’t process who it was speaking to me.
“Go away.” I stammered, hugging myself. Go away Joe. With tears coursing down my cheeks, I continued to rock.
And then a pair of strong hands cupped my cheeks. “Deep breath, come on. Pull yourself out of it!”
My teeth chattered. “He’s coming after me.”
“No!” The hands gave my head a rough shake in an attempt to stop the madness. “Let’s talk about the bumblebee, alright? You’re a bumblebee, yeah?”
“Bumblebee.”I sobbed. The pain in my chest seemed to intensify with each passing second—and then as quickly as it came it vanished when a warm finger caressed the side of my cheek, sending an electric spark flowing through my body like quicksilver. I cracked my eyes open.
Laces was knelt down in front of me, his unruly black hair hanging in his eyes as he shook me again. There was worry roaming around his gorgeous blue gaze; a worry I’d never seen from any man before today.
“He’s coming after me!” I wailed, throwing my arms around his back. His muscular arms wrapped around me so tight, I thought my lungs would burst… “He did it, Lincoln. He killed her!”
Resting his chin on my shoulder, Laces stroked the back of my head as though I were a child. “It’s okay.” he soothed.
“I can’t do this!” Everyone else had abandoned me to the ward. I had no one.
Laces placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “Shhh, bumblebee.”
Thirteen
Laces
“I hear initiation is tonight.” Nurse Kline tossed a chocolate peanut into her mouth and winked. We were in her personal office hidden away from prying eyes. Her sweet voice, which I had once thought would be my saving grace in this hellhole, didn’t sound so sweet anymore; there was an unspoken threat behind her playful urgency, a tension that I couldn’t place.
Giving a curt nod, I bit into my apple and slowly began to chew as she did a once over of me sprawled out on the suede sofa. The window was right beside me and the heat from the sun’s midday rays felt good against my chilled skin. Of everything in the ward there was to bitch about—no cell phones and lack of privacy—my constant complaint was always the temperature. Because of germs the staff was required to keep the thermostat at fifty-five degrees at all times, which made for some chilly nights. Throwing my arm behind my head, I eyed Nurse Kline’s expectant gaze. I sighed. “What?”
“I want to know what your plan is.” Nurse Kline clasped her hands together and propped them under her chin, a vindictive smile spreading across her thin lips as she urged me on. “Thorne could keep guard at the doors and you can do what you do.”
Do what you do…
I stopped chewing on my apple and narrowed my gaze. What she was speaking of—the dark path that had at one point consumed my every waking thought and most of my unconscious ones too—those of which had been buried for so long. “You can’t be serious.” I murmured dryly.
“Oh, come on, Laces. Don’t you miss seeing the fear in someone’s eyes? The rush?” Her voice dropped to barely a whisper as she teased, “Being in full control? Having someone at your mercy?”
“No.” I muttered. There was more force than I intended behind my words, but oh well. She was basically asking me to awaken a demon, a demon I wasn’t sure I would be able to put back to bed once it came out to play, and I couldn’t do that. Not to her. Seeing the disappointment welling into Nurse Kline’s eyes, I tossed what remained of my apple into the trashcan beside her desk and decided now was as good a time as any to bail from this fucked-up charade that I’d been a part of for, oh, the last four-eight hours. Coming up behind her desk, I held onto her desk for support and seductively leaned forward until we were an inch apart. “You don’t want to share me with anyone else, do you baby? Let’s cut the shit and go back to the way things were.” Yes, more fuckin’, less plotting. Her pussy and my dick would be sated, and at night she would go home and fake an orgasm for Kenny. From where I was looking it was a win-win for both of us. Yes, I like this plan very much…it didn’t have Gambrielle anywhere in the equation, which was an added bonus. The thought of the poor girl enduring any misfortunes at my expense put an awful taste in my mouth.