“How old is she?”
“Seventeen.”
“Wow. She’s vicious for someone so young.”
“A lot of the women brought up in our circles are. It’s a conundrum. Most seem to be either wholly innocent or spitefully evil. There doesn’t appear to be much middle ground.”
“I’m not sure that’s true or fair. Natalia isn’t like that.”
“You’re right. She isn’t, and I shouldn’t generalize.”
“You are being very conciliatory tonight,” I admit, extracting one of my hands from his so I can raise my glass of wine to my lips.
“I don’t like fighting with you, and I don’t want to let things fester between us. Today was shitty, and that’s not how I want to start our relationship.”
“Me either.”
“Am I forgiven?” he asks, arching a brow.
“Are you going to keep lying to me about things I need to know?”
He cups one side of my face. “Sierra. I will be as honest with you as I can. I promise to give you the information you need to be vigilant and to be cognizant of anything you need to know that impacts you personally.”
“Okay.”
Air whooshes out of his mouth in grateful relief, and a layer of stress seems to lift from his shoulders. “I didn’t think you would forgive me so easily.”
“There is nothing easy about it, Ben, but I don’t believe in holding grudges or withholding forgiveness. Grudges are poisonous and difficult to weed out once they have set in. You have apologized and promised not to do this again, so I would be in the wrong to cling to my anger, to fail to forgive you. That is not how I want our relationship to be.”
He kisses the corner of my mouth. “Every day, you amaze me more. Every day, you make me want to be a better man.” He kisses the other corner of my mouth. “I know I’m not worthy of you, Firefly. I know I have fucked up, that I will likely fuck up again, but I promise to continue trying to be the man you deserve. I have spent my life alone. My work has been my wife. This is all new to me, but I am trying.”
“I know you are, and I love you for that.” Alesso, Natalia, and Angelo have all remarked on the changes they see in Ben, and I see it myself. When he is with me, he has lowered a lot of his guards. That harsh, cold exterior has cracked wide-open, and he’s showing me the man he is underneath. The man I always knew he could be.
But I can’t expect miracles.
And I know he can’t change the man he is now.
Loving Ben means loving all parts of him. I have already accepted that. Now it’s time to fully embrace what that means.
43
SIERRA
“In the interest of transparency, and so you know I’m sincere, let me update you on a few things,” Ben says.
I smile, finally relaxing, because he is making the effort, and I cannot ask for more than that. “I’m listening.”
“The Russians have been at war with us for years, but in recent times, they appear to be getting their act together. They coordinated an attack on Vegas, one of our strongholds, and yanked it out of Salerno’s hands with no warning.”
“How is that even possible?”
“He was betrayed by his underboss. Gambini sold Salerno out.”
“Why? Isn’t loyalty and honor at the core of everything the mafia is about?”
“Gambini has some Russian blood, on his mother’s side. It was distant but enough for the Russians to reach out to him with an offer he couldn’t refuse.”
“Wow. I’m betting that pissed Salerno off.” I sit up straight. “Wait! He was in Vegas that night, wasn’t he? He was the big brute of a guy with the scary eyes.”
“That’s him. He’s lording over things in Vegas now. Thinking he’s King Big Dick. I can’t wait to wipe the smug smile off his face.”
“You’re going to war with the Russians?” I surmise, as nausea swells in my gut.
“We have no choice. We can’t lose Vegas. This is the very reason The Commission was reestablished. We need to show a united front or else The Commission is only a smokescreen to hide behind. If the Russians see that, they will keep attacking.”
He drags a hand through his hair, and I see the stark worry on his features. “Turn around,” I demand, spreading my legs wide. He settles between my thighs without question, his back to my chest. “You’re so tense,” I supply when my hands land on his rigid shoulders.
“I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. We received word of an imminent attack on Philly, so we’ve sent men there. We are all on edge waiting for it to happen. I’m also frustrated that we have no leads on Lucille. I need to find that bitch to eliminate the threat against you and Rowan. And to top it off, The Outfit is stalling now.”
“Why? I thought you said they were on board and ready to join The Commission?” At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what he told me the last time we talked about Chicago.
“So did we. But it’s that bastard DeLuca throwing a wrench in the works again.”
“That’s the big mysterious boss man who lives in Sicily?”
“Yeah, and it seems he’s as opposed to The Commission as he was the last time around.”
“How much damage will it cause if they don’t join?”
“Chicago is the second biggest Italian mafia territory in the US. If they back out, it might force others to reconsider. We can’t have them on the outside. Especially not now.” Frustration seeps from his tone. “I can’t fathom it. The Russian threat is real, and they aren’t our only enemies. If it’s known The Outfit is an isolated unit, they are likely to be attacked, so it makes no sense. They should want to unite. I don’t understand what is holding DeLuca back.”
I knead the tight muscles of his shoulders and upper back, wanting to erase the strain in his tissues.
“Fuck, that feels so good. Your hands are magic.”
“I can give you a massage or do some acupuncture, if you like? It would help.”
“A massage sounds wonderful.” He hops up, pinning me with a heated look that makes his intentions perfectly clear. “You can take care of me, and then I’m taking care of you.” He swoops in, scooping me up into his arms, and I giggle.
“You won’t hear any complaints from me!”
“You are spoiling me,” I say as Ben holds out a chair for me. I have missed him so much this week. Rowan has too. And I’m glad he made it back last night for my birthday weekend. I can’t believe he has gone to this much trouble or that he pulled it off right under my nose.
The rooftop has been transformed, and it’s like a magical fantasy land. An enclosed marquee and several freestanding heaters keep the space warm. Copious bunches of flowers surround the circular table in the middle of the area, scenting the room beautifully. The table is set with crisp linens and the most expensive silverware. A large candelabra sends flickering light against the sides of the marquee, giving the entire setting an old-school romantic feel.
“It’s your birthday, and I love spoiling you.” He kisses my cheek. “I’ve a lot of lost time to make up for.”