Challenging.
Waiting for me to respond.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
“You’re free to go,” he drawled irritably. “You know the way.”
Once he stepped out of the way, I walked past him, heading down the familiar halls with him on my heels until I was on my way out.
Until I was on my way to her.
Slowly pacing the length of the lobby with her arms wrapped around her waist, her expression cold and warning anyone to try her.
When she saw me coming toward her, she stopped. Shoulders sagging slightly before she quickly straightened her back. Trying to be so strong when she shouldn’t have to.
When she should’ve never had to go through this shit at all—let alone . . . fuck, how many times has it been now?
She offered a supportive smile when I neared her. Short. Pained. Fake as fuck and lacking everything that was Savannah.
And it had a tendril of fear snaking through my chest.
“Be seein’ y’all soon,” the deputy stationed at the front desk said with a laugh.
Instead of firing back at him as she normally would, Savannah’s stare fell to the floor before she closed her eyes tightly and turned for the doors. But the tears she hadn’t been quick enough to hide rooted me in place for long seconds before I was able to follow.
Each step taking all my strength.
Each breath feeling like it might be my last.
This was different. She was different. And it terrified me.
I sank into the passenger seat of her car, unable to take my eyes off her. Watching every shift and every emotion she was struggling to hide as she took her place in the driver’s seat, mumbling indifferently.
“Those guys tried to say you attacked them, unprovoked. But I told the deputies that one guy had been pushing you and the other grabbed me. I don’t think they believed me or anything, but they saw it on the restaurant’s video. And you hadn’t been responsible for any of the damage in the restaurant.” She nodded absently. “That was on them. Not you.”
“Savannah, I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she said, the words bursting from her on a stifled cry. Her chin trembled and her face creased with exhaustion and pain as she dropped her hands and the car keys to her lap. “I know you’re sorry, Beau. I just—” Her head shook quickly, fiercely before she straightened in the seat and put the keys in the ignition and cranked the engine.
“Savannah—”
“Not now, Beau.”
“I tried,” I said gravely, unable to let this rest when I could barely breathe. “I tried leaving. I tried getting us out of there. I tried ignoring all of it. But he touched you, and I . . .” I lifted a hand and stared at her helplessly.
“I know,” she whispered, head down and eyes once again squeezed tightly shut. “I’ve always known, Beau.”
She had. She’d understood me when no one else had. She’d seen me when no one else had cared to try.
But that suddenly seemed like a burden she could no longer bear.
And I was scrambling.
For words.
For air.
For peace, when that kind of weight on my chest had panic coursing through my veins and easily bleeding into a half-dozen other emotions I couldn’t afford to feel right then.
Shaking . . . fucking trembling as I fought to suppress what I’d never been able to control.
All of it growing and growing in the weighted silence of the car ride until everything inside me went horribly, unnervingly still when she pulled up in front of my parents’ property, not even bothering to put her car in park.
I ground my teeth so hard my jaw ached as I opened the door. “Every last breath, Savannah,” I vowed, soft and low, before getting out.
No sooner had I closed the door behind me than I heard hers opening.
“I said your name,” she claimed, voice thick and wavering as she stormed around the front of the car. “I screamed your name, and you still didn’t stop. I tried to get you to see me, and you wouldn’t.” A sob crept up her throat as tears rolled down her cheeks.
I went to her on instinct.
Reaching for her. Needing to hold her.
And she stepped away.
Felt like she knocked out my knees and froze me in place with that one, small, horribly significant action.
“You wouldn’t,” she repeated. “Not until I was the one you were going after.”
“Savannah, I—” I choked on my apology, my head subtly moving as I tried to remember those moments she was talking about.
I always stopped for her.
I always heard her.
It’d been that way since the first day.
“I don’t . . . I don’t remember,” I admitted, shame filling me. “Savannah, I’m so fucking sorry, but I would’ve never hurt you.”
Her head snapped back, her dark eyebrows pulling together in a mixture of surprise and confusion. “I know,” she said slowly, confidently. “You think I would’ve thrown myself on top of Alex when you were about to swing if I didn’t?”
My hands slowly curled into fists at her reminder. Stomach dropping and fear turning my blood to ice at the image of Savannah beneath me as all that red-hot rage pounded through my veins.
“That was dangerous,” I ground out.
“I am not afraid of you,” she said just as fiercely. “But I can’t do this anymore.”
I staggered back a step and then I was falling into an abyss.
Drowning in open air.
Dying . . . this had to be what death felt like. Slow and excruciating, only to be brought back to start from the beginning.
And only a second had passed.
“I love you, Beau,” she said through her tears. “I love you more than I will ever be able to explain to anyone.”
My head shifted as if trying to block out words I’d expected for years and had dreaded every day of that time because I’d always known she deserved better. My heart beat painfully in protest, twisting and reaching for Savannah in an attempt to keep her.
“But I can’t keep watching you take people down, afraid that person will be the one who pulls a knife or a gun on you. I can’t keep watching you be put in handcuffs, worrying that will be the time you won’t be getting out after a night or a quick bond. And my heart truly breaks for you because all the assholes in this town have somehow gotten you to believe that you are only your anger, but I know you. I see you, and you are kind and amazing and gentle. And I’ve spent so long trying to get people to see you the way I do, but God, Beau, why can’t you?”
My stare flashed to her, studying her determined gaze and wavering chin.
“I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I’ve wanted a life with you since I was a little girl, and nothing about you will ever make me want anything less. But I cannot have a life with you if you can’t control your anger.”
“Savannah—”
“No,” she said quickly, cutting off my strangled plea. “No, whatever you’re about to say, please don’t. Because right now, you can’t promise me that you will. And if you tell me you can’t without even trying? My heart won’t be able to handle that.”
“You think I’d throw away my life with you by not even trying? Savannah, I’d destroy the world for you, don’t you get that?”