An uneasy laugh tumbled from my lips as my hand subconsciously passed across my stomach. My head shook even as the words broke free. “Thirteen years?” One of my shoulders lifted. “You can get thirteen years back for me.”
Her glassy stare darted away but snapped back to me and widened when I continued.
“Why did you leave, Madi?” I asked, voice filled with pain and begging to understand. “I hate that it happened at all, and I am absolutely furious for so many reasons. But I am so hurt that all of it led to you being so far removed from my life—from Hunter’s life—for years. That it ended in so many lies. That it drove Beau to lie to me and keep things from me for so long.” I clenched my teeth when my jaw began trembling and gritted out, “If y’all had just told us then, so much of that pain could’ve been avoided.”
Her head shook quickly as she sank to the couch. “I was terrified,” she said, looking up at me as tears spilled down her cheeks. “I thought—” Her throat shifted with a forced swallow, her eyes pleading with me to understand. “I know Hunter told you everything, so you already know I thought I was pregnant. Hunter’s,” she hurried to clarify.
“Right,” I acknowledged softly as I sat beside her.
“And even then, Hunter was—gosh, Savannah, he was everything to me, you know that. I would’ve found a way to marry him, I didn’t care how young we were. But still, pregnant at seventeen was an absolutely terrifying thought. Thinking I was pregnant in the middle of the worst months of my life?” A jagged breath escaped her. “I already felt like I was suffocating, then Beau said he was gonna tell you, and it felt like my world started collapsing. I panicked. I was so sure none of us would survive that, so I did what I thought I had to so at least some of y’all would.”
“We would’ve survived better if you’d stayed.”
“I was seventeen,” she said softly. “I couldn’t see that. I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t just let Beau do what he wanted, that I pushed him into lying to you for so much longer. I thought I was protecting everyone. If I could change it all, I would.”
I nodded, thoughts drifting as I wondered what our lives would’ve been like if they had told us. If Madison had never left.
How different everything would be then.
“Me too,” I mumbled.
“But, Savannah, what’s happening between y’all now because of this . . . y’all can’t get a divorce. You love him too much to let this be the end.”
“I—what? We aren’t,” I said firmly, surprised that Madison would’ve listened to town gossip.
She blinked quickly, her stare falling to my hands before searching my face. Her voice uncertain when she said, “Hunter said you gave your wedding ring to Beau . . .”
“Jesus, how many people know?” I asked, groaning out my regret and shame.
“I was with Hunter when Cayson called,” she explained, apology twisting around the words. “He said Beau had texted, asking to buy the condo, or something like that. Hunter and Sawyer met Cayson there to talk to Beau. Hunter filled me in the next day.”
My head bobbed subtly before shaking. “It was a mistake—I’ve been such a mess. Hating that Beau’s been gone but not ready for him to come back. Every time he tried talking to me, I either lost it and said the meanest things, or didn’t say anything at all when I absolutely needed to speak up.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for my part in this.”
“I know you are, and I know he is,” I breathed, my soul aching as bursts of Beau’s agony this past week flashed through my mind. “But I wasn’t allowing myself to really deal and come to terms with what happened, so I couldn’t see a way of getting past any of it. And I kept pushing and pushing him away while, inside, I was screaming, absolutely terrified I would lose him.”
“Tell him this,” she urged gently.
“I have.” I looked to the side as I thought, a wry smile playing at the corner of my mouth. “In so many words. Somewhere in the middle of talking and crying and yelling and rounds . . .” I mouthed the words one, two, three, lifting the respective fingers as I did.
Madison inhaled quickly, expression all surprise and feigned shock. “Savannah!”
A soft laugh rolled up my throat, and for a second, it felt like the old days with her. “We’re gonna be great,” I said confidently, “it just took me a while. Longer than it maybe should’ve because I was too afraid to see where we’d end up . . . but we really are fine. And speaking of rings.” I reached out for her hand, genuine happiness blooming in my chest as I looked at the diamonds decorating the band on her finger. “Congratulations.” I tugged on her hand before releasing it. “I get to say that this time.”
Her chest shook with a muted laugh, her eyes studying mine as if searching for any lingering resentment. “You’re not mad?”
“At you? God, no. I was shocked when Beau said it and mad that the boys kept it from me until then. But you and Hunter? Madi, that’s . . .” I shrugged. “I told you when you came back, that’s all I wanted for him and what I want for you, even still.”
“Thank you,” she said, voice soft and strained. “You have no idea what that means to me—what you being here means.”
“Yeah, well, for a while, I kinda thought I’d start screaming when I saw you. So, just so that’s out in the open.”
“I expected it.” Her eyes danced as she leaned against the couch, resting her head in her hand. “Something totally amazing in that Savannah way that can make even the Dixon boys hang their heads in shame.”
A laugh burst from my lungs. “Well, I think I got all that out about fifteen minutes ago with Stephanie Webb.” My eyes rolled as I said her name.
Madison’s eyes and lips popped wide. “Oh my gosh, I heard about the that. Poor Beau and poor you. What’d you say to her?”
“Um,” I said, voice rising in pitch as I avoided her curious stare. “Some things I probably shouldn’t have considering I went after her where Beau works. Which, you know, just so happens to be a school.” My tone lowered and quickened as I rambled, “I might’ve mentioned that she was a whore and never had a chance with him, and the next time she tried to trick someone into fucking her, he should actually be single . . . among other things.”
Madison’s shoulders bounced with her silent laughter. When she finally caught her breath, she said, “Let the town networking system spread that.”
“I’m gonna feel terrible for it later.”
She made a face like she didn’t believe that. “Eh.”
Another laugh left me as I matched her position, relaxing against the back of the couch, facing her. Savoring the feel as the last of the weights left me and were replaced with a deep sense of contentment.
The difference after my afternoon alone in my thoughts had been staggering. But my thoughts and emotions had still been so at war until I’d been faced with finally having it out with Beau.
I knew there were still some things he and I needed to discuss. Clear up. But I felt so at peace after fighting it out with him and the short and simple confrontation with Madison.