Cayson grunted in affirmation.
“It was weird if we went a day those first few months where she didn’t start crying over something random—like not liking the way her keys were placed on her keyring.” At Cayson’s barking laugh, I mumbled, “I’m serious.”
“No, I believe it. I’ve been around pregnant women before this.”
I glanced his way at the cryptic words that hinted at a life I didn’t know about, but he didn’t explain, so I didn’t ask.
We weren’t there yet.
“We’re having another boy,” I said confidently.
When he spoke again, his voice was soft and genuine. “Congratulations, man.”
I cleared my throat and looked down, head bobbing quickly. “Yeah, I’m not really all that great at saying that, I guess,” I murmured in apology. “Think a part of it is that I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything. It’s crazy that my two youngest brothers are gonna be dads. It’s crazy that you’re here.”
“In your house or in Amber?” he asked, words a half-assed attempt at a joke.
I gave him a dry look and rolled my eyes when he laughed in response. “Think a bigger part is that—well, probably because I am just an asshole, and I don’t always say things that I should to y’all or Mom. But I’ve always had a hard time talking to y’all the way I can talk to Savannah.”
“I get that,” he said under his breath, a deprecating laugh creeping from him. “Trust me.”
I folded my arms over my chest at the second reminder of what he’d gone through and forced back all the worries and fears that came with it.
“But I’m happy for you,” I finally said, voice tight. “Really.”
“That means a lot coming from you.”
“Coming from you.”
God damn if that didn’t sting.
But I knew I deserved it and more.
I looked over to where Savannah and Emberly had moved to the table, talking excitedly to each other as they picked at food from the containers. “Was one of those for me?”
“Uh-huh,” Cayson hummed, adoration pouring from him.
Amusement tugged at my mouth. “Good. She needs it more than I do.”
“We’re also going to dinner in an hour.”
“She’ll eat there too,” I said undoubtedly.
He grunted in acknowledgment. “She was getting sick all the time, but she kept saying she felt great. Wanted to keep working all day. Then she was sick a little less and a little less. Next thing I know . . .”—he gestured to the girls—“two dinners.” He grinned at me, shrugging. “Whatever she wants, man.”
“That’s the way it should be,” I said in agreement. “So, have y’all told Mom that you’re having a girl?”
Cayson’s smile turned feral before disappearing altogether. After a while, he tilted his head in denial. “Saw has company, and Emberly wanted to check on Savannah after yesterday, so we came here first. I figured Mom would hear from one of y’all or hear us talking about it at breakfast one weekend. I don’t really give a shit how she finds out.”
I waited.
Focused on the immediate reaction to his words and demeanor.
Let myself feel it all and let it slowly start fading away before I ever attempted to respond.
“Thought y’all were doing okay.” I tried to unclench my teeth when the words came out too hard, too cold, and said, “Saw y’all at Hunter’s this weekend.”
“I mean, I see her. I talk to her if I have to.”
My head moved in a sharp nod as I was dragged back ten years. “Look, I get that I don’t know what coming home was like for you. You were pissed at us for not listening, for not believing you—I really get that. Trust me, Cayson.” Turning to fully face him, I lowered my voice and said, “We weren’t there when all that shit happened to you. But none of us were there when Dad filled Mom’s head with a bunch of bullshit about you. And you didn’t see her when you left.”
“Drugs,” he said flatly. “She thought I was doing hard drugs. She thought I came back to ask for money or steal it.”
“She believed it because we all believed everything Dad said,” I said coldly. “After he died, she asked me where she’d gone wrong with you and had this look on her face like there was something she knew about you that devastated her, and I never knew what that was until you came back. But she was a fucking wreck when you left. She and Sawyer moved out of the house because she couldn’t stay there anymore with you and Dad not there. And do you know how many times she begged me to go find you? Like I would’ve gone to find you.”
His eyes hardened on me.
“I hated you. To me, you ruined all of our lives, and we were fine without you. Sawyer was talking to you, so I knew you were alive.” I lifted a shoulder. “That was more than enough for me.”
“Thanks,” he said tightly.
“Was,” I repeated. “I was also wrong, and I’m sorry, Cayson. I’m fucking sorry that I didn’t see what Dad was doing, or that you were giving everyone else a version of yourself and hiding you. Because, of anyone, I should’ve seen all that,” I ground out, regret weaving through my words. “But, Mom? She reacted off what she’d known to be true for at least a decade and guarded herself when you came back, the same as the rest of us did. Then got hit with the truth about Dad, and that shit crushed her. Give her a fucking break. She spent ten years crying to us because you weren’t coming home.”
Long seconds passed before he weakly nodded. “Yeah.” His stare darted all around before settling on me. “Yeah, you’re right.”
I settled back against the counter and looked over to see Savannah and Emberly watching us as they spoke quietly, Savannah seeming to take in the feel of the room and my mood before smiling softly at me.
“Emberly’s gonna be pissed,” Cayson said with a huff. “You actually apologized to me. Twice.”
“Idiot,” I mumbled under my breath. “Speaking of pissed . . .” I glanced over at him. “I already know he has company, I saw them, but y’all should really go see Sawyer.”
Suspicion slid across his features. “Why?”
I gave him a look as if he should know better than to expect me to tell him. “You shoulda told me my wife was pregnant.”
“And then I would’ve been kicked out of my house,” he said blankly.
“Good thing you have a condo.”
“Asshole,” he muttered, but his mouth was lifting in a grin as he started stepping away. “Hey.” He turned back, his smile softening as he looked at me. “I’m glad y’all worked through everything. Really, man, we were all hurting for y’all.”
“Me too,” I said quietly. “Appreciate your help and the condo. I’ll get my stuff out of there tomorrow.”
He nodded as he faced the girls. “Em.” When she looked at him, he gestured out of the kitchen with his head. “Let’s get out of here. We need to swing by Sawyer’s real quick.”
“Yeah, I dunno how quick it’ll be,” I said under my breath and bit back a smile when Cayson gave me a questioning look. “Have fun with that one.”