In effect, a question is part statement and part command. Accordingly, the familiar grammatical distinctions among the following four different types of sentences are oversimplified and cause confusion. For, actually, their distinctions are not as sharp, their definitions are not as accurate, and their functions are not as distinct as is generally believed.
Hence, according to standard grammatical definitions, a declarative sentence makes a statement or describes a state of affairs. An interrogative sentence asks a question. An imperative sentence issues a command or makes a request, and an exclamatory sentence expresses strong emotion.
In reality, however, the different grammatical structures of sentences and their corresponding different functions are mixed up, and they overlap. For example, questions and statements are alike in that they both convey information. Thus, the context or situation supplies some information that establishes the meaning of the question even when someone asks only “Who?” or “Why?” or “When?”
Questions and commands are also alike in that they both direct someone to say or do something in response. When we ask someone a question, for example, we expect an answer. When issuing a command, we expect someone to comply. Accordingly, there is always some residual imperative force in a question, even if it is meaningless and unintelligible. In fact, this helps explain the strange hold nonsense questions have on the mind.
exercise
Nonsense Questions
Does the number nine prefer to bounce or bluster?
How many smufflepuffs can a voodle recite?
1. Write an original nonsense question.
2. Introspect, then record your feelings and the mental process of writing a nonsense question. How did the process differ from writing nonsensical declarative sentences?
Nonsense Definitions
A definition is a statement that tells what a word means. Clear definitions make communication possible. Hence, they are essential for rational inquiry and for the regulation of human societies. They are indispensable tools for science, mathematics, commerce, and law.
pomskizillious: The coast scenery may truly be called “pomskizillious” and “gromphibberous,” being as no words can describe its magnificence.
—Edward Lear
definition: God is the shortest distance between zero and infinity. In which direction? one may ask. ± We shall reply that His first name is not Jack, but Plus-and-Minus. And one should say: God is the shortest distance between 0 and ∞ in either direction.
—Alfred Jarry
Nonsense can be formatted to resemble definitions, as the above examples show. Nonsense writers make up these meaningless definitions to be humorous, and readers are then unlikely to mistake the humorous purpose.
Sometimes, though, nonsense definitions create convincing illusions that meaningless words make sense. In these cases they can retard the progress of knowledge or help perpetuate and maintain brutal regimes. Nonsense definitions often have played a leading role in religion, politics, philosophy, and science. In later chapters we will encounter particular examples of this important phenomenon.
Nonsense also can be modeled on language for giving instructions on how to do something or carry out a procedure. Now we will turn to a couple types of nonsense formatted as instructions. And they remind us, again, that a corresponding type of nonsense can be built around virtually any structure of ordinary meaningful language.
Nonsense Directions
Giving directions to someone on how to reach a distant place is a basic social and linguistic skill that is obligatory for almost everyone. Consequently, everyone is familiar with stock phrases used for giving directions, as in these examples: “Turn right on the next corner” or “Go straight on down this road and take a left turn at the third intersection.” As a result, people experience these phrases as familiar, even when they are used in a meaningless, unintelligible, nonsensical way.
Peter Pan told Wendy the way to Neverland using the nonsensical direction “Second to the right, and straight on till morning.”31 The words and phrases do sound like directions, yet neither Peter Pan nor the narrator, nor any other information in the novel, provides a context in which those words would make intelligible sense.
Other patterns could also be used for writing nonsense directions. For instance, we could put some meaningless near-English words into sentences along with the stock terminology used for giving directions. “Continue south on this highway until you come to a plausamus hossamedge on the left, then turn right at the next intersection” or “To reach a splendid sploafer like you’ve always dreamed of, walk five miles down this road and then platterate at the next monastrum.” Similarly, many other patterns and designs could also be used for writing nonsense directions. In other words, we could create, indefinitely, many distinct subtypes of nonsense directions.
Nonsense Recipes
Unintelligible nonsense can be designed to look like instructions for performing a procedure. In fact, nonsense could be modeled on practically any kind of set of instructions. Nonsense could be tailored to look like instructions for playing games, repairing machines, building airplanes, assembling toys, growing flowers, or performing scientific experiments.
Apparently, though, nonsense recipes are nonsense writers’ preferred subtype of meaningless, unintelligible instructions. Edward Lear wrote a mini cookbook of three nonsensical recipes. “To Make An Amblongous Pie” never explains what the main ingredient, amblongouses, are. Similarly, “To Make Crumbobblious Cutlets” offers no clue about how to find “4 gallons of clarified crumbobblious sauce.” Some of the directions for making crumbobblious cutlets are self-contradictory, too. The recipe says, “Procure some strips of beef, and having cut them into the smallest possible pieces, proceed to cut them still smaller, eight or nine times.” Then, just when the dish is apparently ready to be served, Lear’s recipe says to “throw the whole thing out the window.”
Dr. Seuss also wrote a nonsense recipe with a meaningless, unintelligible ingredient. The recipe calls for adding “a hunk of something…Hunk of chuck-a-luck, I think.”32 This recipe for Glunker Stew requires a nonsensical cooking utensil, too: “a special frazzle-spade.” Finally, the concoction needs to be “spuggled” in a mixer.
Evidently, then, a variety of different ingredients can be used for cooking up nonsense recipes. Or, more generally, nonsense can be laid out to look like a set of instructions for performing procedures of practically any kind. Furthermore, in my course exercises, students wrote nonsensical versions of various kinds of instructions for procedures by following patterns. Students in the courses were also able to write nonsense that imitated the appearance and sound of specialized technical language of various professions.
Mock Professional Jargon
Meaningless, unintelligible verbiage can be tailored to look and sound like the technical terminology of medical doctors, scientists, or attorneys. I wrote the below passage of mock medical nonsense to serve as an example of more professional jargon. This type of nonsense is usually created for comic effect or for the purpose of deception.