“I don’t want to lose my best friend to England, I’ve said that from the start. But I could get over that if living there made you truly happy. However, I’m worried about you. I’m worried about your heart. You’ve fallen for some guy you don’t even know!”
I could feel my cheeks burning hot with indignation. “I do know him!” I yelled back, momentarily forgetting she was pregnant. “I know him! And he knows me. Better than anyone knows me.”
“Ouch.”
I winced, softening my tone. “I’m sorry . . . but it’s the truth. There are just some things even best friends can’t know about you. But Roane gets me and I get him. I didn’t come here expecting to find that, Greer, but you should be happy for me. I’m not saying I’m staying in England. But I’m not saying that I’m not either. That’s why I called. To prepare you . . . in case . . .”
“You’re in love with him,” she whispered.
I hesitated a second; the way I felt about Roane seemed too big sometimes. When I thought about it too much, those emotions seemed to fill up my chest, making it hard to breathe. “Yeah I am.”
“Evie.” She breathed my name. “I wish I could be there. I wish I could meet him so it would make me feel better about all this . . . but I know it’s not about me. I just . . . what if you don’t come home and you miss . . . I know I’m being selfish.”
“If I decide to stay, and there is a huge possibility I might,” I answered honestly, “I will fly to Chicago to see you, and then when the baby comes, I’ll find a way to fly over again.”
“To Chicago. You said ‘fly to Chicago’ not ‘fly home.’ That means you’re already thinking of England as your home.”
“Well, the truth is, if I decide to stay, it wouldn’t just be because of Roane, although he’s a massive part of the decision-making process. I’m happy here, Greer. I’m not trying to hurt you, and nobody will ever take your place in my heart . . . I’m just being honest. I haven’t felt this content in a long time. And I felt that way before Roane and I got together. It’s just now . . . I’m no longer just content. I’m blissfully fucking happy with him. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
I heard my friend sniffle. “I want that for you. I do. I’ll get over myself. I promise.”
“You don’t have to. You think it’ll be easy for me to stay here and not see you every week?”
“It better not be.”
I laughed at her petulance, but the laugh broke on a sob that took me by surprise. “I’m not making any decisions just yet. Okay.”
Greer sighed. “Evie, I know this isn’t easy for you. I can hear that. I’m sorry for making it harder. Don’t . . . don’t think about anything but what you need. You’ve put so many people before yourself in the past. This is about what you want. Remember that. And forget my earlier selfishness. Blame my grumpiness on the hormones. Speaking of the baby . . . it’s pressing on my bladder and I really need to pee.”
“Okay.” I felt despondent as we said goodbye.
The reality of the choice looming ahead of me was starting to set in. My eyes stung with tears as I wandered out of the storeroom and into the shop. I came to an abrupt halt to find Roane standing in the middle of the room.
He wore an intense expression on his face. “The door was open.”
Oh my God, how much of that conversation had he heard?
“Oh?”
“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”
Shit. “How much did you hear?”
“Not all but enough.” With that, he crossed the distance between us, clasped my face in his hands, and pressed his mouth over mine. I clung to him, moaning as his tongue licked against mine, the kiss greedy and deep. When we finally stopped for air, he pressed his forehead to mine and whispered hoarsely, “I’m blissfully fucking happy too, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone either. Just so you know.”
The emotion I felt before I’d seen him welled up inside me, my eyes burning as I determinedly fought back tears. Roane saw the glitter of them and lifted his head to meet my gaze. “That doesn’t come with pressure, Evie. I don’t want to make this any harder for you.”
“I know.” I melted against him, pressing my cheek to his chest, and reveling in the feel of his strong arms wrapped around me.
Holding me tight.
No pressure, I thought. He didn’t need to put pressure on me to get what he wanted.
Our wants were in sync, as most everything between us was.
And deep down, I was already thinking about applications and visas, and how the next time I flew back to Chicago, my stay would not be a permanent one.
* * *
• • •
The sun set a little later in this part of the world in July than it did in Chicago. Roane told me that the farther north you traveled into Scotland, the longer the days were. I’d crossed the border into Berwick, so I was happy to say I’d visited Scotland, but I wanted to go to the Highlands so bad and was already planning a romantic getaway in my head.
Not that I needed the Highlands as I walked along Beadnell Bay, enjoying one of the most stunning sunsets I’d ever seen. The water appeared dark purple from shore, slowly turning lighter until it was a shimmering pink and then growing darker again toward the horizon. The sky above the horizon was gold edged in orange. But the clouds in the sky were dark pink, shadowed in purple.
Waves lapped gently at the shore, a lulling rhythm that suffused me with peace as I walked barefoot on the sand, my shoes in one hand, Roane’s hand in my other.
Shadow trotted ahead, his nose to the sand, enjoying all the scents he could find there.
We’d spent the evening with Caro after she’d invited us for dinner, and decided to take a walk on the beach before heading back to Alnster. The farther we walked, the fewer people we saw, although there were several dog owners still out on the sand.
Roane and I had been walking in contented silence when he suddenly commented, “You said you’ve never been in love.”
A fluttering occurred in my chest. I had said that.
It wasn’t true anymore, and the words had been on the tip of my tongue for days. But Roane hadn’t said them yet and I didn’t want to push too hard too fast.
“I did say that.”
“I find it hard to believe.”
“Well, don’t.” I shot him an unhappy look. “Before I came here, I was exhausted by dating in Chicago, and that was after a two-year break.”