“Scared?”
“Yes, you’re scared. Over what, I have no idea, but I just wish the back and forth would end. Either you want to pursue this with me, or you don’t.”
Shit, I wish that fight inside of her didn’t do it for me the way it does.
“I didn’t want to kiss you,” I say.
Her face drops. She moves to grab her stuff and her hip hits mine to slide out, but I dig my feet into the floor.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I run my hand over the back of my neck and pull to relieve the blockage that is obviously stopping the oxygen from hitting my brain and allowing me to form a proper thought.
“You’re batting a thousand tonight. Let me save you some time. I’ll go sit up front and you can stay here. We’ll get off at Cliffton Heights and I promise you tomorrow morning I’ll only be your co-worker.”
Here we go. This is like Sierra all over again.
I slide out of the bench and go to my side. Just like she promised, she takes her bags and leaves. As if she can’t even stand to be in my car, she gets up and goes to another car.
When Todd walks through, he raises both eyebrows at me. “What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
He sits down and I open up the caramel bars for him. He takes one and leans back in the seat. “Come on. You guys were going to be the story I tell my grandkids. The two strangers who met on a train.”
I blow out a breath. It’s not like I have anyone else to talk to about this. Dylan says nail her. Seth says don’t. If my mom found out, she would get all hopeful.
“Turns out we work together.”
“So?”
“I can’t date someone I work with.”
His eyebrows move together. “Against company policy?”
I don’t even know if it is. Knowing Phil, it’s not. He’d probably go get ordained online so he could marry us. “I’m not sure but that’s not it.”
“Then what is it?”
We’re almost at Cliffton Heights so I get my bags together. “It’ll end in disaster.”
“Have you had a work relationship before?”
“No.”
“Then how do you know?” He steals another bar and I put the lid back on and pass the container to him. “The kids will love these.”
“How many relationships do you know that turn out well? Plus, it’ll make me weak.”
He chokes on his cookie from laughing. “Weak?”
“Yeah, you know because I’ll worry about how I look in her eyes. It’ll compromise my craft, change me.”
He blinks a few times like he can’t process my words. “Are you different at work?”
“A little. I like to keep a distance between me and them.”
“Them being your co-workers?”
“Yeah.”
“So, your co-workers are the enemy?”
“No.” I stop and consider what he’s asking. “I just mean… if they see my weakness they might use it against me.”
“Like an enemy would.” Todd chuckles.
“You’re ridiculous. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“If you view your co-workers as enemies then you view her as an enemy and maybe that’s what’s really going on here.”
“I just said you have it wrong. Quit with the enemy thing.”
He laughs and I stand to get off, seeing her through the train windows.
Todd stands right behind me. “It’s a shame. From the way you look at her whether you pursue a relationship or not, I’m pretty sure your work relationship is already affected. Even though you might try to, you can’t control who you’re attracted to.” He clasps my shoulder. “And you and that girl are like magnets right now, sooner or later, the draw is going to be too powerful and you’ll come together. Work or not.”
The doors open and I spot her rush out of the train car ahead. I say goodbye to Todd and walk down the steps.
Todd’s words trigger something in me. He’s right that work has already changed because she’s there every day and I seem to have no control over my feelings for her. Isn’t it best to play your hand before the opponent does? I need to get a handle on this before it spins out of control.
“Blanca!” I call out and she turns to face me. I’m surprised that I didn’t have to chase her.
“Yes, Ethan?”
I walk until I’m right in front of her. “Have dinner with me? After the article publishes. We’ll celebrate.” My hand itches to grab hers, but I refrain from not going too fast.
“Are you asking me out on a date or another work meeting?”
My shoulder deflate. “A date to celebrate our work success.”
“That’s pretty ambiguous.”
I blow out a breath and when I look back at her, she’s smiling. “A date. Blanca, go on a date with me.”
“I’d love to. Thanks for asking.” She swivels on her heels and walks away.
I watch her for a few moments before my phone rings in my pocket.
“Hey, Mom,” I say.
“You’re home?”
“Yeah, I’m home.” I walk in the opposite direction as Blanca no matter how bad I want to be walking beside her.
Chapter Twelve
Blanca
I’m sitting at my desk on Friday. The articles go up online at eleven and my heart beats like I just hopped off the bike in the middle of a cycling class.
“D day.”
I swivel my chair to find Ethan standing behind me with his cocky stance that gets me hot and bothered on display. “I’m nauseous.”
He chuckles and situates himself where he usually does, sliding his ass along the top of my two drawer filing cabinet, his legs hanging in front of him. He tosses an apple from hand to hand before taking one big bite out of it. “Relax,” he speaks over a mouthful of apple. “It’s your first.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ll get used to the nerves.” He bites another hunk of apple off, chewing non-stop.
“You sure about that?”
He laughs and follows my vision to the apple in his hand. “Well, I’m not nauseous.”
“I’d rather be nauseous than eat my weight in food because I’m anxious.” I tap my pen on my desk and lift my cell phone off the table to check the time.
“Comments won’t start for a while. We won’t know anything until later.” The sound of him biting another huge bite of apple rings through my cubicle.
I say nothing in response to his comment. The man hasn’t mentioned anything about us going to dinner since Sunday night after we got off the train.
We sit in silence while he continues to eat his apple. I grow more and more annoyed with his cavalier attitude about dating me. I told myself that when I got involved with someone, I would be that person’s number one. It’s probably because I witnessed my brothers fall down on the sword of love. They’d do just about anything for the women in their life. This half-assed approach of Ethan’s isn’t working for me.
The sound of his feet landing on the ground alerts me that he’s probably leaving. I refuse to turn around. At this point I’m embarrassing myself by openly throwing myself at him.