I tell a few jokes, and the kids loosen up a bit. Maybe I should rethink the whole college baseball coach thing and go for standup comedy, I’m pretty good at this.
Fay taps my shoulder and thank God because I’m running out of material. I pull the paper out of my back pocket and clear my throat one more time.
“Alright everyone. We all know that Principal Miller has left us to enjoy her new baby and so we’re welcoming a new principal into our school. Our new principal for the remainder of the year is Dr. Radcliffe. She graduated from Yale with her doctorate in education. She comes here from the lower forty-eight, so make sure you give a big Alaskan welcome!” About half the kids in the auditorium clap while the rest of them stare at the stage with an expression that only a bunch of unimpressed and uninterested teenagers can manage. Time to grab their interest and get them to buy in. “Principal Radcliffe’s hobbies include streaking during football games, ferret racing, and taking surveys for money.”
The kids roar with laughter finally looking like they’re interested and want to be here. Fay steps up and nudges me.
“Sorry,” I mumble an apology. “We’ll bring Dr. Radcliffe out to explain her hobbies more in depth.” I turn from the podium at the sound of heels clicking across the stage.
This is the part where my mouth drops open in surprise and my testicles jerk up seeking out protection.
See the auburn-haired woman walking right toward me?
The one who looks as pissed off as Sedona did when I honked my horn in the parking lot this morning?
Yeah, that’s my new boss.
The new Principal of Lake Starlight High School.
I don’t believe in kissing and telling, but I’ll tell you—this is the first and only principal I’ve ever given an orgasm to in the backseat of my Jeep.