Audrey
For the first time ever, Tate sat as the fourth person at our dining room table, helping himself to my dad’s cooking. He was so big he dominated his side, balancing out my dad.
It actually felt comfortable having him here, although his worried expression bothered me.
Thankfully, my dad had made tacos and not pork chops. I couldn’t survive Tate having to eat my dad’s pork chops. Especially given his mom’s profession.
“It’s nice to have you here, Tate,” my mom said.
“Thanks. I wasn’t planning on crashing your dinner, but it’s good timing. I’ve been working all evening and haven’t stopped for a break.”
I passed him the salsa. “How was the party?”
“It was fine.” He sipped his water. “Actually, it was Dr. Lopez’s birthday party.”
My stomach sank. “Oh?”
“Yeah.” His voice went husky, and he passed me the taco meat. “I talked with Jade.”
“How did that go?” I asked, knowing I sounded anything but nonchalant.
“She said you weren’t going to New York this fall.”
I closed my eyes and opened them to see my mom and dad watching each other warily.
“Audrey,” my dad said. “You haven’t told him?”
“Are you not going to the Fashion Institute?” Tate’s voice cracked.
“Tate,” I said, doing my best to keep my voice calm and to not tear up. “I have to stay and take care of my mom.”
All sorts of emotions flitted across Tate’s face. Anger. Sadness. Regret. “So it’s true.” He turned to my mom. “Mrs. Staunton, are you doing okay?”
“Oh yes,” she said. “It’s new, but I’m managing. This disease is my new companion. I’ll just have to learn to deal with it.”
“It’s not fatal,” my dad said, and Tate let out a relieved sigh. But then he swiveled to me, his eyes hard.
“Why didn’t you say anything before? We had all these plans—”
“Because I was scared of what you’d say.”
My mom and dad watched us like a tennis match, and I couldn’t handle the audience.
“Can you excuse us?” I asked.
I stood up, and Tate followed me to my room. I closed the door, trusting my dad wouldn’t come knocking.
I took a deep breath and faced Tate. He held up a hand. “I have to tell you. Jade kissed me.”
This stopped me from saying what I intended. “What?”
“I’m not keeping anything from you. At the party, she made a pass at me. I didn’t kiss her back.”
He told me what happened. That bitch. But Jade touching Tate was minor compared to what I’d done.
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry Jade touched you. But I’m sorrier that I didn’t come to you first. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to talk with you about this.”
“Audrey,” he said. “You can talk with me about anything.”
“Not about this.”
“Why not? It involves me. It involves us.”
“Because you’re not the only one who likes to figure out everything in advance. And this problem doesn’t have a solution. If I can just hold out for the school year, Dad receives his full retirement. They asked me to help out.” I dropped my eyes. “I couldn’t say no.”
“So, that’s what you’re doing? Delaying for a year.”
I nodded, not trusting my voice. But I managed to say, “Because he can’t take care of her by himself. I have to help my family.”
“And you decided this without talking to me.”
It wasn’t a question. I sighed. “Tate. You can’t solve this. You can’t buy your way out of this. You can’t change my dad’s retirement age. You can’t make her better. There’s no solution.”
Tate closed his eyes then opened them. Then he went to the door, his hand on the knob. “I’m sorry your mom is sick. Truly.”
“Me too.” I squeezed my eyes shut.
“But I don’t understand why you didn’t talk to me about this. You just assumed, what—that we’d have to break up? We could figure something out. I can stay home—”
I held up my hand. “No. See? That’s what I didn’t want. I knew you’d offer something like that. And I can’t make you give up New York.”
“Why didn’t you ask me what I wanted?” The hurt in his tone chastened me. “Because all I want is you.”
I’d fucked up.
And tears really began to stream down my face.
“All I want is you, too. And I can’t have you.”
“I’ll stay,” he said.
“No. I can’t ask you to do that.”
“I’d do it for someone I love.”
His words made my insides seize up. Tate loved me.
“I love you, Audrey. But this is a two-way street. We have to be able to talk. If you don’t feel like you can talk with me, then maybe our relationship isn’t what I thought it was.”
“It is,” I said quickly. “I just couldn’t figure out a good time to tell you.”
“So you settled on not telling me?”
I didn’t have an answer to that.
He faltered, his eyes imploring me. And then apparently resigned because he must not have seen what he wanted to see in my eyes. “You know what? I need to go home.”
Giving me one last look, he opened the door and walked down the hallway. I heard him say thank you to my parents.
Then the front door closed and the MLR drove away.
When I stepped back in the dining room, red-faced and tearstained, my parents didn’t say anything. I opened my mouth, but no words came out.
“Oh, honey,” my mom said. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault you’re sick.”
But I couldn’t eat anything.
Later that night, I texted Wren.
Audrey: Tate found out about me staying home this fall
Wren: What happened?
Audrey: He was upset
Wren: <Unhappy face emoji>
Audrey: You were right
Audrey: I should have talked with him
Audrey: It sucks
Audrey: I hurt him
Audrey: And I feel awful
Wren: I wish I could make it all better
I was headed for bed when there was a knock on my bedroom door. My mom wheeled in. “Can we talk?”
I nodded.
“I’m sorry.”
“Mom. Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. It’s just the way things are. You’d take care of me if I were sick, and I’ll take care of you. Don’t worry about it at all.”
She gave me a watery smile and held out her shaking arms. I threw myself into them, holding her tight. Her feeble hug made up for its lack of vigor by letting me stay in her arms for a long time.
When she wheeled herself out of my room, she paused and gave me one last glance over her shoulder. “I love you, Audrey.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
On my desk was an official-looking envelope I’d received in the mail today. I opened it up and almost choked.