“I know, babe. Look…New York Presbyterian isn’t super far from here.” Jordan looks my way again as she listens to whatever her husband is saying. I can only imagine what it is. “No, I’m not alone. Mels is with me. You just worry about getting here as fast as possible.”
Wait? Does she think I’m…
“I don’t know. Call Justin—see if he can bring you in a cruiser. He can put the lights on.”
Can we maybe go back to the part where she said she’s with me and discuss what that means, please?
“He’ll totally do it, and just to be sure, I’ll text Madz. The girls and dogs are already with your mom. All you have to do is grab the hospital bag and make it to me before I push your impatient son out of Tuckahoe Fun Land.”
“Um…?” I bite my nail, not sure how to articulate what I’m trying to ask as Jordan disconnects the call.
“Jake and I bonded over our love for How I Met Your Mother when we first got together. I figured a little HIMYM humor was needed at the moment,” Jordan explains, reading my mind.
“So when you said Mels is with me, you meant…”
“That you would be the one holding my hand until Jake can get here.” She holds up a hand before I can ask my next question. “And by ‘hold my hand’”—she puts air quotes around the words—“I mean I’ll squeeze yours painfully tight until the drugs are in my system and I’m feeling no pain. Joys of childbirth my ass. Give me all the drugs.”
I focus on gathering my things and not the tears that are threatening to spill.
This might be the most ridiculous, crazy, couldn’t-make-it-up-if-I-tried situation ever, but it only drives home the fact that Jase isn’t the only one I lost.
Chapter Forty-Five
All our lives, JD and I have always been able to sense when something is wrong with the other.
Broke my arm playing roller hockey in third grade—JD brought Mom to the outdoor rink before anyone could call her.
When JD’s appendix was close to bursting in seventh grade, I was the one who convinced Dad she should probably go to the hospital.
When Ryan and I snuck out for the hockey team’s prank night freshman year of high school and were almost caught by the cops? Yup, you guessed it, JD was there to create a distraction so we could get out before that happened.
And when JD had nightmares after her douchemonkey ex-boyfriend, Tommy, went after her, I woke up no matter how late and called her.
So when I spend the end of practice with a rock in my gut, the first thing I do when I get back to the locker room is call her. I shoot her a text when she doesn’t answer.
THE BIG HAMMER: Checking in? You okay?
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: What makes you ask?
THE BIG HAMMER: Well you are in your 22nd month of pregnancy and all *pregnant emoji*
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: *middle finger emoji* I’m 9 months pregnant, you dick. I’m not an elephant—even if I feel like one most days.
THE BIG HAMMER: *GIF of an elephant rolling in mud*
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: OMG I hate you so much.
THE BIG HAMMER: No way! I’m your favorite brother.
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: That’s debatable.
THE BIG HAMMER: But for real. Is everything good? I’ve felt off for a while.
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: Well, knowing this is going to drive Ryan nuts *laughing face emoji* It’s funny that you ask…
THE BIG HAMMER: *voice memo of Jase saying, “Jordan.”*
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: Ooo a voice memo and my real name.
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: *GIF of the Joker asking, “Why so serious?”*
THE BIG HAMMER: And you wonder why I can’t ever be serious?
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: *memoji of Jordan shrugging*
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: Also…I totally love these things ^^
THE BIG HAMMER: Jordan Danielle Donovan used to be Donnelly, don’t make me come to Jersey.
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: Yeah…about that. Funny thing…
THE BIG HAMMER: ??
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: I’m kinda…
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: Sorta…
THE BIG HAMMER: OMG STOP texting like Becky.
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: I’m in the city. At New York Presbyterian, to be exact.
THE BIG HAMMER: WHAT?!
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: Calm your shouty capitals. I’m fine. I’m just in labor. That’s all.
THE BIG HAMMER: THAT’S ALL?!
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: What did I say about your shouty capitals?
“Um…bro?” Cali asks as we store our stuff in his Maserati.
I pull my focus from my phone and the overwhelming urge to commit sororicide. “What?” There’s a little more bark to my tone than Cali deserves. Whatever—I blame JD and her cavalier attitude.
“Wanna tell me what’s up with this?” He holds out his phone so I can see the text thread on the screen.
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: Hey Cali, can you pull the hockey stick out of my wombmate’s ass and drop him off at NY Pres on your way home from practice?
“She’s in labor. And before you ask what she’s doing in the city and why she’s not at home, I have no idea.”
Cali shrugs and climbs into the sports car. “Okay then. Let’s go meet our nephew.”
Chapter Forty-Six
From the Group Message Thread of The Coven
MOTHER OF DRAGONS: Is it wrong that I pretty much forced Melody to accompany me to the hospital?
MAKES BOYS CRY: What exactly do you mean by “forced?”
YOU KNOW YOU WANNA: Like you dragged her in by her hair?
YOU KNOW YOU WANNA: Or was it more like Look Who’s Talking-style where Kirstie Alley made John Travolta be there for her?
PROTEIN PRINCESS: To be fair…in LWT John Travolta kinda got suckered into being there for Kirstie Alley because the hospital staff assumed he was the father.
ALPHABET SOUP: OMG how cool would it be if we could hear our babies’ internal monologues like in that movie?
ALPHABET SOUP: *GIF of baby Mikey in Look Who’s Talking laughing*
QUEEN OF SMUT: *GIF of girl smiling and clapping excitedly*