“Mila, you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine.”
Just walk, Mila. All you have to do is walk. Don’t stop. Just. Keep. Walking.
Five steps.
Sixteen steps.
Thirty-four steps.
I’m going to shit myself.
“Mila, slow down!”
“I can’t! I have to go!”
“Just go in the lake. It’s right there.”
Once again, I ignored his statement, puckering my butt cheeks together.
Please God don’t let me poop in my leggings in front of my best friend.
“Lala, what’s going on?”
“I told you, I have to go to the bathroom.”
“And I told you, just pee in the lake. It’s not a big deal.”
If I had to pee then I would go in the lake, Leo!
I resisted the urge to say exactly that. Our friendship was close, but not that close. I didn’t go number two in his presence.
Ever.
Even when I stayed the night in his cabin, I always went home in the morning to use the bathroom. Even when he crashed at my apartment, I’d walk over to the clubhouse while he was still sleeping to use the restroom. I wasn’t raised that way. We did those things in private. This was uncharted territory for me and I hated that the most.
However, my stomach didn’t care about my humiliation.
Please don’t poop! Please don’t poop! Please don’t poop!
Sixty-five steps.
Eighty steps.
One hundred and ten steps.
Finally!
I gripped onto the handle of the bathroom door and pulled back.
Oh, God, please no…
I cried out, “It’s locked.”
“Relax, it’s not a big deal. Just pee—”
I snapped around and glared right into his eyes. “I don’t have to pee, Leo!”
His stare went wide for a second before a hint of a smile crept on his face.
“Don’t you dare,” I warned with an edge in my tone.
“Are you ground hogging right now?”
“Oh, god…”
Could this get any worse?
“I’m just anxious and nervous from breaking the law and it’s all your fault!”
“My fault? How is it my fault that you’re ready to shit yourself?”
I scowled at him and he lifted his hands in a surrendering gesture as he started laughing his ass off.
“You’re not helping!”
“Mila, oh fuck…” he cackled, holding onto his stomach like I was but for a whole different reason.
“Leo, stop laughing!”
“I can’t…” He was hyperventilating from laughing so damn hard. “This is just fucking hilarious. You’re so polite when it comes to things like this and now you’re holding in a turd.”
I’m going to die. This is what dying feels like.
“Leo… please…”
“Okay, okay.” He governed his bearings, trying to look at me with a straight face when it was obvious all he wanted to do was continue to laugh at my current state. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m being an asshole. Let me see if I can unlock the door for you.”
I stepped aside, desperately clenching my butt cheeks. I could feel my skin getting clammy, I was beginning to lose my shit.
Literally.
He roughly yanked and rammed into the door with his shoulder a couple of times.
No luck.
I was screwed. It wasn’t even budging.
Taking a deep breath, he turned to face me. Quickly, he nodded his head toward the huge oak tree about thirty feet from us.
“Go drop your bomb behind that tree over there. I’ll stand guard here.”
“A tree!”
“Yeah.” He nodded to it again. “That one over there.”
“But—” I frantically shook my head no “—I’ve never pooped in the woods before.”
“I’ll find you a good leaf.”
“A leaf!”
“Yeah, it’s to wipe your dirty butt.”
“Oh my God, I can’t do this.”
“You can always drop the kids off at the lake, Mila.”
“Leo, you’re not helping.”
“Dude, it’s just a poo. Shit happens.”
“Yeah, but not in front of you.”
“Would you like me to let a fart fly to make you feel better?”
“No!”
He shrugged. “Hey, I offered.”
“You know what? Fuck this.”
“Let’s try—”
I instantly spun around, kicking in the door as hard as I possibly could. To both our surprise, it jolted open. Crashing into the wall.
“Add destruction of private property to the fines you’ll be paying.”
With that, I walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind me. Praying, I’d make it to the toilet.
—Leo—
“I can hear you dropping a deuce, Mila!”
“Get away from the door!”
“I’m kidding. Geez, who would have thought taking a shit would make you so moody.”
“Leo, I swear to God if you don’t get away from the door I’m going to—”
“Okay! Okay! I’ll be sitting by the lake. Make sure to courtesy flush, I can smell your ass from here!”
“Leo!”
I laughed, I couldn’t help it. This didn’t bother me one bit, if anything, I thought this was hilarious. Mila had always been reserved when it came to stuff like this.
She was such a girl.
I walked down to the lake and kicked off my sandals before sitting down on the grass. Getting close enough to the edge, I slid my feet into the water. Appreciating mother nature while I waited for Mila, I took in my surroundings. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, it was the perfect afternoon to spend here.
The last time we were at this lake, we had our college acceptance letters in our hands. Opening them at the same time, we sat in this exact spot. Our excitement flooding out of us, we were ready for our first taste of independence from our parents. Except, I didn’t move out. Mila did. And now, she was moving across the world with my other best friend.
Cain and Mila.
Mila and Cain.
She swore there wasn’t anything going on between them, so did he.
They were just friends.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved he’d at least be there for her when she needed someone. As much as I hated she was leaving, I had peace of mind that Cain would be there to look out for her. Mila could take care of herself though, I made sure of it.
I thought about the future of my life without her in it, until I heard footsteps fast approaching.
“I hope you washed your hands, stinky butt.”
“I swear to God, Leo.” She sat down beside me. “If you ever bring this up again or tell anyone what just happened, I will never talk to you again.”
Our eyes connected. “Do you feel lighter?”
“Leo…”
I laughed, laying back onto the grass to look up at her face and the sky.
“I’m being serious.”
“So am I. You feel better? You look better. Not so shitty.”
She glared at me.
Chuckling, I taunted, “Your love for me is like taking a poo. You can’t hold it in.”