“There isn’t.”
“Then why bring him up?”
“He’s beside the point.”
“Then why mention him at all?”
“Ugh! You’re not answering my question!”
“That’s because I don’t know the right answer!”
“You either want me or you don’t, Leo. It’s that simple.”
“Not to me. This is the hardest request you’ve ever asked of me. I can’t answer you when I can still taste you on my tongue, when I can still feel your pussy gripping onto my cock, when I can still hear you screaming my fucking name!” I argued, trying to gather my thoughts. “This isn’t simple. Nothing about what happened between us last night is simple, Mila. And the fact that you think it’s so easy for me to just change what we are together when your flight leaves in four hours, is so fucking mind-blowing to me! All I’ve done for the last month is try to get used to the idea of you not being here every single moment of my day. To try and get used to not relying on you, hanging out with you, waiting for you. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember and I’m just trying to return the favor. I can’t ask you to stay and I won’t. Especially, for me.”
“If it isn’t simple, then that’s all I have to know, Leo. That’s all we’ve ever been… simple. Mila and Leo. Leo and Mila. If what you feel for me isn’t easy to answer, well, then I guess that’s the end of this conversation.”
“How do you want me to feel? What do you want me to feel?”
“I can’t answer that for you.”
“Then why would you expect me to ask you to stay, for me? I can’t choose your life for you. It would only ruin what we have.”
“You don’t think last night already did that?”
“For fuck sake, Lala. I made you come! Why is it that all girls have to read into it?”
“So, I’m all girls now?”
“No! Shit! I don’t know what I’m saying. I didn’t mean that. I’m just… fuck!”
She backed away, looking every bit as disappointed as I felt. “All right, I understand. Loud and clear, Leo. Loud and fucking clear.”
With that, she turned and left.
I wanted to rip my hair out and I resisted the urge to do exactly that. Instead, I paced around the cabin, not knowing what to do.
Chase after her?
Tell her what she wanted to hear?
What I wanted so desperately to say.
How?
Things would be good for a while until she realized she gave up her dreams for me. I wouldn’t lose her, just to have her stay, only to end up losing her in the end. I’d rather she stay in my life as my best friend than risk losing what we have.
Even though…
It killed me inside.
Chapter 25
—Mila—
One month later
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Every morning my day started at six a.m. I shoved the covers off my body and made myself get up. This was the trick in making sure you didn’t hit the snooze button on your alarm, place your phone on the opposite end of your room. Since I lived in a studio apartment in the marina, mine was my kitchen.
The biggest obstacle was to not crawl back into my bed. On most days, I accomplished this task very easily. It was better to keep my mind occupied rather than let it wander. The moments it went on its own, I thought about you-know-who.
Yep, I reverted to referring to my best friend as you-know-who. In my head, it made it much easier to not picture his handsome, stupid smiling face when I thought about him at all.
The last month, my day started with drinking a full glass of warm lemon water while I leaned over the island. I went through my emails, noticing there was one from you-know-who. There was always one from you know who. It wasn’t that I was trying to ignore him, it was more like I honestly didn’t have time for him.
My day was packed already as it was and adding you-know-who to the equation would only slow me down and probably put me in a shit mood. I decided what was best for me was to try and live my own life.
It was what I was here for, right?
This was our first huge fight and living in two different worlds made it easier to push him away. Don’t get me wrong, when I did let my mind wander to him, I felt this huge empty space in my heart. I guess I just didn’t know where we stood, and I wasn’t ready to figure it out.
I was pissed at him.
Mostly, I was hurt.
I wanted and needed space to figure out my own emotions and where we went from here. Living in paradise and making more money than I knew what to do with helped. My boss wasn’t lying when he said the captains loved to tip the pretty girls. I was getting fifty bucks to fill up gas tanks that took me a couple of minutes to ring up. I loved my job, there was never a dull moment.
And don’t get me started on the eye candy…
Shirtless, tanned, good looking men were everywhere, and let me tell you, they loved to tip too.
If I wasn’t working, I was in class or studying. I didn’t have much of a social life. I’d yet to make it out to any of the clubs or nightlife. I didn’t want to go alone. Sure, some of the guys asked me to hang out, go to dinner, watch a movie, however, I always said I was busy.
I was, right?
Cain decided to stay a little longer in Tennessee, saying he’d make it over here in a couple of days.
A ding on my Facebook messenger brought my attention to the tab opened on my computer I was checking my emails on. I skimmed the cursor to the tab.
Are you blowing me off?
I took a deep breath, seeing Leo’s question so blatantly on the screen in front of my eyes. Before I changed my mind, I typed back. Top of the morning to you too, stranger.
The blue bubble appeared, he was tying away. So I’m a stranger now?
Narrowing my eyes, I replied, No.
No? That’s all you have to say to me?
You’re up early. How’s work?
Are you going to ignore the fact that this is the first time I’m talking to you after a month? I’ve called you, emailed, sent letters… I have to hear from Cain that you’re doing just fine. Happy. What the fuck?
I don’t really have time for this right now.
How about you make time then? Can we talk later?
I work late.
Mila.
There’s nothing to talk about.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Damn, he was pissed.
Weighing my response, I typed, I have to go.
MILA.
Fine. Meet me back here at ten tonight.
I watched as the blue bubble appeared and on pure impulse, I shut my computer, not reading his retort. I grabbed my yoga mat against the door and walked over to the gym in the marina. No one was ever in there that early and I loved having the space to myself. It had every machine I could possibly need and then some, not that I used those. The only machine I did use was the treadmill, but first I stretched and did yoga. Trying to find my Zen and happy place.