He swept my wet hair away from my face and lovingly gazed into my eyes. “I thought if I did that you’d just end up resenting me for choosing your future for you. I knew if I asked you to stay for me then you would have, and I didn’t want that kind of resentment building in you. I couldn’t ask you to stay, Lala, but that doesn’t mean I wanted you to go. I needed you in my life, and if that meant we just stayed best friends then so be it. If I would have known for one second that you were going to push me away then I would have begged you to stay with me. Please tell me you at least know that.”
“I thought you didn’t care about me. We ended things so badly and we’ve never fought like that before. I didn’t know how to act around you anymore. It’s why I said those things to you over messenger. I was just mad, upset, and hurt. The only way I knew how to deal with it was to push you away. I know that’s not very mature, but it’s what felt right at the moment.”
“And now?”
“I don’t know what to feel right now, other than shock that you’re actually standing in front of me. We haven’t spoken in so long and now you’re here.”
“I’m here for only you. Come home with me, Mila. I love you.”
“I… I just… I don’t know, Leo. I’ve thought about you the entire time I’ve been gone. And when you stopped trying to talk to me, it made everything worse in my mind. I understand why you did it now. It makes sense why Cain brought you up all the time.”
His jaw tightened.
“Nothing happened between Cain and me. I barely kissed him. I couldn’t. Anytime he’d kiss me, all I could think about was you and how wrong it felt. One of the biggest reasons I enjoyed his company so much is he makes me feel closer to you. And since we weren’t talking, he was a great distraction for me.”
“What I just walked in on didn’t seem like you were missing me that much, Mila.”
“The only reason you walked in on that, was me trying to forget about you. I read your conversation with Cain this morning on his laptop which he obviously left open for me to see and I was so angry, I wasn’t thinking. I acted irrationally and impulsively. The only reason I did that was because I was trying to forget about you.”
God, how could I have been so blind?
He gave me so many hints this entire time, but I didn’t catch on to any of them.
“Everything you said to Cain was another knife in my heart. I thought I could go through with it. I thought I could have sex with him.” I shook my head, pausing for a second. “I couldn’t. I did stop him, and I was about to tell him I just wanted to be friends.”
“All you guys did was kiss?”
“Yeah, and like he said, those were brief. I actually kneed him in the balls one time just to stop kissing him.”
“Good girl.”
I half-smiled.
“These last few months haven’t been a walk in the park for me either, Mila. You pushed me away. You blew me off. You told me, that you regretted us making love. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about that?”
“I know. I was wrong. I’m sorry, Leo. I just thought you didn’t care about me and that you expected us to go back to being Mila and Leo just like that. I didn’t know how to do that. I couldn’t pretend like you didn’t hurt me. Especially when you’ve never hurt me before. If I could go back, I would have just talked to you about it. We’ve always been able to talk about everything and this shouldn’t have been any different. I got scared. My mind wasn’t thinking clearly. For a moment in time, I overlooked who we were to one another. How we’re best friends first, no matter what.”
“I’m sorry for hurting you, Lala. But I’m finally where I need to be. I’m standing in front of you right now, telling you I love you. That I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you. Come home with me. I need you, more than I’ve ever needed anyone. You’re my girl.”
The serious expression on his face captivated me in the same way it always had. Placing his hands on the sides of my face, he brought me closer to him. “I can’t lose you again. I won’t. Please come home with me.”
My chest rose and fell with each word he said. I felt him everywhere and all at once.
His scent.
His body.
His stare.
His mouth.
“I don’t know if I can come home with you, Leo. I have a life here. It’s only been four months and…” I shrugged. “I’m so confused. I wasn’t expecting any of this.”
His mouth was so close to mine I could feel his breath on me.
“You’re just being fucking stubborn, Lala.”
I shut my eyes. I had to. “Leo, please…”
“Please what, baby?”
“Please… I just don’t know. I’m sorry. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. I just don’t kno—”
He kissed me.
Long.
Hard.
True.
Making me feel whole.
Softly, he pecked my lips one last time before rasping against my mouth, “You know, Mila. You know just like I do. You’ve always been mine, like I’ve always been yours.”
“I need some time, okay? I need to think. Can you please give me that?”
He reluctantly nodded, backing away. I didn’t stop him when he turned and left.
This time… I was the one who let him leave me instead.
Chapter 34
—Leo—
One day later
“I told you.” Ashton lifted his beer. “The Playboy Pact for fucking life.”
“I don’t know about all that.”
“Oh come on, dude, don’t give me that shit. You just got your heart stomped on by your little Lala.”
“Don’t talk about her like that.”
“How can you defend her when she just let you leave like that? That plane ticket cost you fifteen hundred dollars, one way, because it was so last minute, and you didn’t even get to cop a feel. If I were you, I’d send her a bill for wasting your fucking time.”
“Ashton, I’m fine.”
“Bullshit. You’re not fine. You don’t even look fine. You’re miserable. I say, we go see some strippies. Titties in your face, on me, bro. What?” He jerked back. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m trying to help you get over her and the only way to do that is by letting another woman ride you. Okay?” He patted my shoulder. “Let’s go.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Especially to a fucking strip club. If I wanted titties in my face, Ashton, I wouldn’t have to pay for them.”
“Free titties end up being more expensive in the long run. They want dinner and drinks and to go to the movies.”
“Not tonight, man.”
He shook his head, sighing. “Fine. But can you promise me one thing?”
“What’s that?”
“You’re not going to sit here all night and think about Mila.”
“I can’t promise that.”
“Dude, look at you. She’s got you by the balls and you’re not even getting a blowjob.”