Holy. Fucking. Shit.
“Wait,” I say, sitting. My eyes are wild. I can tell by the way she recoils. “Say that again.”
“What?”
I waggle a finger her way. “The thing you just said. About why you don’t ask him to stay home.”
“It’s his passion. He loves it. And although I hate that he’s gone and the worry that comes with it, I won’t be the reason he doesn’t live a fulfilled life. I won’t do that to him, and I don’t want to carry that guilt around either. I love him too much.”
My brain scrambles to process this. Could it be true? Could this be why Sophie didn’t ask me to stay?
“That’s how I knew I loved him. I’ve lived a pretty wild life—partying and carrying on. I’ve always said I could not be tamed.” She lifts her chin in a hint of defiance. “But then Blake walked into my life, and it was like my world was flipped on its axis. Like it started spinning the opposite way. And I knew who he was and what he did from the beginning, but man, I’d rather build a life with that boy and deal with the inconvenient stuff than to try to have a life with a man that didn’t give a shit about me. Because I’ve tried that. It doesn’t work.”
She rambles on and I feel guilty not listening, but my head has already checked out of the conversation . . . and is checking into the Honey House.
If Roxie’s right, Sophie didn’t ask me to stay because she knew I wanted to come here. The exact reason I didn’t ask her to come with me.
If we would do that for each other out of respect, then . . .
“The key is respect.” Pap’s words ring loud through my ears. “That’s good. Always respect her. Prioritize her. She gave you her heart.”
I’m a fucking idiot.
I’m a fucking idiot for not seeing this. I’m a fool for leaving her behind. I’m an idiot for thinking it would be okay to take this job after misrepresenting myself in the first place, and I’ll be damned if I follow through with it. I know better. I am better. And I will be better.
Everything is suddenly clear.
My chair screeches against the patio tiles as I propel myself back. Roxie flinches, taken aback by my sudden movement. I shove my notepad in my briefcase and find my wallet. Fishing a hundred-dollar bill out of the cash in the billfold, I hand it to Roxie.
“Will this cover my bill?” I ask hurriedly.
“Yeah. About four times.”
“Keep the change,” I say, locking up my briefcase.
My heart is pounding in my chest, sweat is dotting my forehead, but it’s not the right sun.
“Follow the sun, kiddo. Go where your soul feels warm . . . You’ll know what choices you need to make in life if you follow the sun.”
Pap’s words clang through my mind.
Sophie. She’s my sun.
And I bet Pap knew it all along.
I can’t help but chuckle. I bet he’s watching the dog clock with a stethoscope around its neck to see how long it takes me to figure it out.
I start toward the door but stop. I turn to see Roxie watching me.
“Thank you,” I tell her. “You have no idea what you’ve just done, but thank you.”
“Go get her,” she says with a grin.
I smile back at her. “I intend to.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
SOPHIE
Gravel crunches beneath the tires as I pull into the Honey House’s driveway. It’s a perfect almost-fall day. The air is warm with a slight chill—a breeze ever so slight that it warrants a hoodie. The leaves on the trees in the yard are tinted with golds and burgundies, and I could sit on the porch swing all day and enjoy the shift in seasons.
I could. But I can’t. And not because my painting project can’t wait or because a couple from Ohio is coming this afternoon for a long weekend.
I can’t because I’m afraid that if I sit too long, I’ll start to cry. Again.
Sometime around two in the morning, I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep. The pain from missing him was almost completely overwhelming. If I hadn’t been in Liv’s bed, I’m not sure how I would’ve made it. Having her next to me kept me from breaking completely down.
As the night crept along, I found a nugget of peace. It was a small nugget, a tiny sliver of contentment that I’d done the right thing. With it came a little hope. I’m not sure for what, exactly, other than the fact that I didn’t feel . . . broken. Splintered, yes. Devastated, absolutely. But not broken.
When I was left before, I was empty. Tangibly, in the sense that he had taken much of my money and some of my belongings. He had also loaded up my self-esteem too. But as I lay in Liv’s room last night, I realized how different it is this time.
Holden is gone. But that was a choice I made because it was the best for both of us. And unlike my marriage to Chad, I don’t regret marrying Holden. Although it lasted far less time than we expected and maybe wasn’t even necessary to start with, seeing it from this side of things, it changed me.
I know now without a doubt that I know what love is. I understand what it’s like to be appreciated. For the first time, I stayed up late with a man and just laughed. Someone made me breakfast. Another person cared whether my doors were locked.
Holden gave me more than a zero balance on my taxes or a new last name. He gave me the chance to see myself from a new angle. And it turns out that I like this me.
That’s a gift I could never repay him for.
I take out my phone and pull up my photos. I flip between the snaps that Haley sent to me from our wedding day. There’s so much excitement in our faces, so much happiness.
I wouldn’t give that day back. Not a chance. That day led me to so much that I never would’ve experienced or learned otherwise.
Everything happens for a reason. I grin sadly.
My phone rings as I climb out of my car. Naturally, my heart leaps in my chest because it’s stupid. It hopes it’s Holden. As if not to jinx it, I refuse to look at the screen before I answer it.
“Hello,” I say, holding my breath.
“Hey, Sophie Girl.” Fred’s voice is soft and kind, and the sweetness in his usually laughter-filled tone brings tears to my eyes.
“What’s up, Fred?”
“How are you? You holding up okay?”
I climb the stairs but don’t go inside. When I walked in this morning from Liv’s, reality hit me hard. I don’t want to be on the phone with Fred if that happens again.
“Well . . .” I choke back a half laugh, half sob. “I’m hanging in there. You?”
“I miss the little shit already.”
My laugh breaks free. I wipe a tear from my face. “Yeah, well, me too.”
“He called me last night and told me he was taking the job. He said you were staying here.”
I look around the yard of the Honey House. It’s where I belong. I’ve known that since I left for college, and I promised myself I’d never leave again.
And I won’t. Not even for him.
“I can’t leave Honey Creek,” I say. “This place is a part of who I am. And I know that sounds crazy and I should probably just reconsider leaving, but—”
“No. You can’t do that.” He blows out a hasty breath. “Holden left here because he’s trying to find meaning in his life. I know he has all of these other reasons for it, but they’re all inconsequential.”