I’m broken, bleeding, but there’s no way I can stop. I have to fight. There’s a roaring in my ear, a sick churning in my gut. An engine fed by pain that drives me on and on.
I lost Sadie. There’s nothing left for me. But I can still fight.
I’m disoriented, and by the time I get my wits back, a black and orange wolf slams into my side. I snarl and lunge, trying to catch him, but Rafe dances out of the way. He backs onto the lawn, facing me in challenge. A smarter wolf would stop and go to its belly before its alpha.
My wolf isn’t smart. It wants to die. I show my teeth in a deadly smile, and hurl myself at Rafe. This time he’s ready for me, and doesn’t bother skipping out of the way. He side steps and slams his shoulder into mine, unbalancing me. I find my paws again and lunge. Rafe knocks me over again. A third time, and he snaps at my haunch, a tiny nip that draws blood. And my wolf goes crazy, attacking and charging Rafe over and over as he rips into me. He’s a second faster, a hair stronger, and a million times as lethal. My wolf rises to the occasion, but Rafe bleeds me little by little. And then, finally, he knocks me to my back. I try to move, and he pins me with his weight.
There are teeth on my throat. I go still.
The light is breaking in the east. My last dawn. I don’t fear death. I don’t welcome it either, but if I can’t live with Sadie, there’s no more reason for me to walk the earth.
Rafe growls against me. He’s got me pinned. I scrabble my paws, hoping he’ll make it quick.
“Stop,” Lance is yelling. “It’s a trick.”
Rafe growls again but doesn't move.
“It’s a trick,” Lance insists. “Look at him.” He points to me. “Think about how he’s acting. He wants the bite.”
Rafe’s body goes still. And all my hopes are destroyed as he pulls away. I flip onto all fours, and I bare my teeth in Lance’s direction, but he ignores me. He’s figured it out.
Rafe shifts and stands as a man. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
Lance gestures to me. “He wants the bite. He’s trying to get you to kill him. Whenever he had you in a hold, he didn’t kill you. He kept going until you had him pinned. He’s not out of control. He planned this.”
“Is this true? Suicide by Alpha?” Rafe crouches to look me in the eye. I duck my head. “If that’s true, then you are in control, more than you think.” He grips the scruff of my neck and hauls my head up again. I show him my fangs, but I don’t mean it. Fight’s over.
“Change,” Rafe orders, and my spine bows backwards as the wolf releases my body.
Rafe backs away, giving me space. In man form, I’m still bleeding, but my wounds are healing.
“Bastard,” I mutter, but I take my alpha’s hand when he offers to help me up. He grips my shoulder, and I wince. My skin is still sensitive from the shift.
“This changes everything,” Rafe says.
“No,” I growl, but inside my heart, my wolf raises his head, wanting so desperately to believe.
Sadie
It’s my father’s phone call that changes everything. It’s Wednesday, a school night, and I’m pacing in my living room. I cancelled our girl’s night. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t think. I had a few days with Deke, a few days of heaven, and now I’m left with nothing. My ovaries are in bed, eating bon bons and moping. My heart is a cracked and bleeding mess.
My phone buzzes. I snatch it up and answer on autopilot.
“Sadie,” my father’s nasal voice drones. “Finally. I’ve been wondering if you were still alive.”
The sarcasm barely registers. “Yeah.”
“That last voicemail was something else.” He pauses, and I don’t say anything. If he’s waiting for me to apologize, he will have to wait the rest of his life.
My father clears his throat. “Now that I have you on the phone, I want to talk to you about Scott. I think—”
Oh my God! Will this man never listen?
“I only dated him for you,” I interrupt with sudden, blazing clarity.
“Excuse me?” My father sounds affronted, but I don’t care. If anything, it’s a bonus.
“I only dated him for you,” I repeat. “You were nicer to me when I was with Scott.” It’s true. All the barbs, the little digs, the insults—they stopped when I was with Scott. I used Scott as a shield between me and my dad just for some relief. Except Scott was worse.
“You both treated me badly.” I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.
“Listen—”
“No, you listen. You don’t get to treat me like I’m a child or someone lesser. Those days are done. I don’t need Scott. And I don’t need you.” I hang up.
Already I feel lighter. My instincts aren’t wrong. I just never listened to them before. It’s time I stop listening to other people. They don’t know what’s best for me. They might think they do, and they might have some good advice, but my life is my own. My choices.
And my happiness is available, right in front of me. I just have to reach out and take it. No one’s going to hand it to me, and it doesn’t matter. I can choose happiness for myself.
That’s how I find myself in my car, coaxing my little Hyundai up the mountain road. The little engine is slow to propel me forward, but slowly we gain elevation. And then I’m turning into the road for the lodge and speeding down that thickly wooded way. I pull into the parking lot in front of the garage big as an airplane hanger. Deke’s black Mercedes G63 is there, and so is his bike. My heart squeezes and thumps.
Here goes nothing.
Deke
“It changes nothing,” I rasp at my alpha. But he keeps grinning at me.
“You’re in control, Deke,” he says. “You always have been.”
I step back, away from Rafe, and glance at Lance, at Channing. Both my packmates are nodding.
“But what does this mean?” I know what I hope for, but it’s too good to be true.
Rafe must know I’m reeling because his voice is gentle. “It means you have a mate.”
A mate. I run a hand over my head, trying to catch my breath.
The sound of an engine makes my eyes snap up, alert. A little white Hyundai rolls down our drive and up to our garage. I only know one person who drives a car like that. My legs weaken, and I'd fall to my knees if I wasn’t so wounded and my wolf wasn’t so adamant that I not show weakness right now.
Sadie’s here.
Sadie
I get out of my car and startle when I realize Deke’s right there on the lawn, a few feet away from my car.
“Sadie?” Deke calls. He’s naked with blood marring his skin.
He’s all ripped up. Has he been fighting? Behind him Rafe and Lance are tugging on their jeans. I see blood on them, too, and they all look shameful. I’ve broken up quite a few scraps on the playground, and I know those guilty looks.
There’s a huge brown and white wolf behind them, lurking on the edge of the woods. Channing? Geez, these werewolves are big.
“Who did this to him?” I demand in my best teacher voice. I glare at his friends who all grow more sheepish. My legs tremble, but I hold my ground.