“Are we ready?” Lori shouted, poking her head out of the plane.
“About time,” Ryan replied, slapping George on the back. “George is getting all fidgety on me over here.”
Saved by the bell, Caleb thought, because this wasn’t the time or place for this conversation. “If you have anything you want to say to George, now would be the time.”
She paled. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this,” she said. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Ready, Doc?” George asked, rushing up to her side.
“Are you ready?” Caleb asked George, settling his arm around Shay’s waist, trying to calm her. “This is that live-or-die moment we’re headed toward.”
George nodded in earnest. “I know,” he said. “I know.”
“We went to a lot of trouble to let you jump tonight, George,” Caleb said. “So when you live through this, and you will, then you live. No more ledges. You get the urge to jump again, you come here, and you can jump with the Aces. I need that commitment from you.” He offered George his hand.
George stared at it a moment, and then shook. “You have it.”
“Over here, George,” Ryan called.
George eyed Shay. “You okay, Doc?”
She nodded and smiled weakly. “I’m fine.” She made a “go” movement with her hand. “See you in the plane.”
The minute he was gone, Caleb said, “Not only is there an auto-pull on his chute, but Ryan is both capable and prepared to deal with an in-air complication. He’ll be fine.” He leaned close, feeling her shake. “Easy, sweetheart. Sure you’re up to this?”
She leaned into him. “I’ll be with you,” she said. “I’ll be okay.”
His heart squeezed with the words. He wanted her to trust him, but then, she did—with her body. Just not with what he really wanted—her heart.
The next several minutes passed in a fury of engine and wind. Shay stood in front of Caleb, and he strapped them together, molding her body to his. After some stress and nudging from Ryan, George cast Shay a look before giving her the thumbs-up and jumping. Ryan followed.
Caleb whispered to Shay, “Last chance.”
She pulled her goggles down in answer. He didn’t give her time to think after that. It would only make it worse. He did a final harness check, ensuring she was secured against him, and then jumped. The wind gusted around them, and he could feel Shay stiffen against his body. Within seconds, he’d pulled the chute and had them under cover.
The fall slowed, the view of the Austin downtown lights shining gloriously in front of them. Caleb reached out and pulled her arms to the side, molding them together as one in flight. Letting her know he had her, she was safe. He pointed out a few lights, smiling when she actually responded with an excited wave of her hand.
Too soon, Caleb took them in for a landing in the open field they used for night drops, lights illuminating the ground from fence posts.
And something happened with the feel of ground again beneath his feet. A whirlwind of turbulence unleashed inside him. He cut them free of the canopy, unhooked them and tossed aside his glasses. He turned Shay over and yanked off her glasses.
He framed her body, the hard ground trapping her beneath him. Instant desire burned hot in his limbs, and Caleb forgot Ryan and George were somewhere nearby. His mouth came a breath from hers and lingered, not touching. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted all of her. But she wasn’t ready or willing to give him that, and he wasn’t sure she ever would be.
That thought brought a splash of cold reality, and he rolled off her and lay on his back, arm over his face. “You jumped for him,” he said. “Because you would do anything for your patients. But me—you wouldn’t jump for me.”
“That’s not fair,” she said. “I had to jump for him. To get him off that ledge.”
“I know,” he said.
“You know?” she asked. “You keep saying that. What does that even mean?”
He moved his arm and found her leaning on her elbow, staring at him. “It means I know you had to jump for him. Because you’d do anything for your patients.”
“You said that already!” She shook her head. “Wait. You mean I won’t do anything for you, don’t you?”
He jumped to his feet. “I’m not sure. I just want…” he broke off, looked away a moment.
She followed him to her feet, faced him, touched his chest and drew his gaze to hers. “Since when did me jumping out of a plane become the way you judge my dedication to you and to us?”
“It’s not about jumping out of a plane, Shay,” he said. “And I don’t know why that felt so important to me. Actually, I do.” Emotion threaded through his words as he continued. “This isn’t about the plane and the jump at all. At least, not that kind of jump. I pushed you to jump, to do something that scared you, for me, because I wanted a reason to ignore what my gut told me—that you aren’t willing to jump into life with me like I want to jump into life with you. If you were, you wouldn’t turn every obstacle into a mountain.” George and Ryan were down now, a few feet away. “Your patient needs you.” He turned away.
She grabbed his hand and then wrapped her arms around him. Her chin lifted and she stared up at him. Seconds passed and she finally said, “I can’t fix this, can I?”
His lips thinned. “I guess not.” Because not only was he an all-or-nothing guy, but he was also a realist. If she didn’t think she could fix it, she wasn’t trying hard enough. Which meant, she didn’t really want to.
19
FRIDAY NIGHT, more than a week after talking George off the ledge, Caleb and Kent crowded around the television in the trailer’s tiny living room. Kent cursed at a replay of a Texas Rangers game on ESPN when, like Caleb, he wasn’t even much of baseball guy. They were both football guys. But they were both looking for a distraction anywhere they could get it—Kent from his upcoming rehab the next day, and Caleb from the silence between him and Shay.
Kent had taken Shay and Lori home that night, and George had gone out drinking with him and Ryan. Go figure. The guy was all right—a bit odd, but wasn’t everyone in their own way? And ironically, Caleb had talked to George this week, but not to Shay.
George was coming out Saturday to jump again. He was out of the house and teaching a class on campus instead of from his home as of Monday. At least something good had come out of the day that had apparently been the kiss of death for he and Shay.
Frustrated that he was once again thinking of Shay, Caleb shoved to his feet, walked to the kitchen and tugged open the fridge. And stared. He had no idea what he wanted. Oh, yeah. Shay. Who seemed to think if he was near Kent, he couldn’t be near her. He was starting to believe he’d really been her “forbidden fruit” that wasn’t so interesting once it wasn’t forbidden.
His cell phone rang. He snagged it too quickly, and cursed when he realized he’d actually hoped it was Shay calling. He grimaced and looked at caller ID. Ryan.