It’d been years since I’d been up here, as it wasn’t really part of anything winery related. But as I scanned what was left of the dilapidated pile of wood, I knew it wouldn’t be long before the rest of the framing fell to the ground.
Hopefully, that wouldn’t happen today. Or at least not until I’d found Jake and the two of us were safely outside—away from potential falling hazards.
I tiptoed precariously across what was left of the floor, and as I made my way around what I presumed was a corner, I spotted him. Jake was sitting over on an old built-in window frame. As I moved closer, the click of my heels alerted him to my presence.
He glanced over his shoulder, and instead of the welcoming smile he’d usually aim my way, his face remained impassive as he went back to staring at the rows of vines below.
I took a fortifying breath and made myself put one foot in front of the other, and when one of the floorboards cracked and I stumbled forward, Jake whirled around automatically to catch me.
Well, on the plus side, he still cared whether I broke my neck.
“Thanks.” I squeezed his forearm, and Jake shook his head.
“You shouldn’t have come up here in those shoes. It’s not safe.”
He was right: my heels weren’t exactly the smartest footwear for trekking up a hill and traipsing through a pile of rotting wood, but I would’ve crawled up here if I’d had to.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
When Jake was satisfied I wasn’t about to fall over, he turned back to his original position. “Well, I don’t really want to talk to you.”
Those words from him cut deep, and while I knew it was my fault he was feeling this way, I was determined to get through to him.
I took a seat on the window beside him, and as we stared out into the vast valley ahead, I clasped my hands in my lap and waited. This was his show, his timetable, and if I had to wait five minutes, five hours, five days or years, I would wait.
As it turned out, five seconds seemed about all he needed.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
There was no question as to what he was referring to. I nodded. “I was. I just… I was trying to work out how and when it would be right for you. For him… I…I never expected to see him again. Not that that’s any excuse, but there’s a lot more to this than—”
“The golden boy who just rolled into town being my dad?” Jake shot to his feet and began to pace back and forth. Then he stopped and glared down at me. “Or maybe the fact that I’ve worked for my uncle for the past two years and didn’t know?” He shook his head. “Well, at least I know why Harry used to treat me like a fucking pariah now.”
I didn’t bother calling him out on his language, considering the gravity of the issues at hand. He was angry and had every right to be. I got to my feet and reached for him, but Jake took a step away.
“Don’t,” he said, turning his back on me, and the rejection was as good as a slap.
I wrapped an arm around my waist and fought back the tears that threatened. “I should’ve told you.” My voice was soft, barely above a whisper. But it was all I could manage for now. “I should’ve told you the minute he got here. Before he got here, but—”
“But what, Mom?” Jake said as he turned to face me again. “What could possibly have stopped you from telling me about him?”
“Harry.” I spat the word out as though it were dirty. “Harry stopped me…for years. But then he died, and before I could even wrap my head around being able to explain all of this to you, Noah was here, and—”
“What do you mean, Harry? What’s he got to do with this?”
This was it: the moment when Jake would finally realize how much of a coward his mother really was. And the reality of being anything other than the person he loved and trusted above all others made me sick.
“Mom?”
“Sorry,” I said, and took in a gulp of air. “I…I was very young when I got pregnant with you.”
“Yeah, I worked that out when I was thirteen, and we’ve already discussed it. What’s that got to do with Harry?”
“Well…” I straightened my shoulders and looked Jake in the eye. “The day after our high school graduation, Harry sent Noah away.”
Jake frowned. “Sent him?”
“Yes. To a university in Europe. Noah had no idea he was leaving, and by the time I did, he was already gone. I was given no contact information, had no idea where he was…” I pushed through the torment that accompanied those words and took a step closer to Jake. “And a month later, I found out I was pregnant with you.”
Jake crossed his arms, his jaw clenching as he processed all I was saying.
“To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I’d only ever been with Noah that one night, graduation, and then I wound up pregnant.”
“How inconvenient for you.”
“No…” I shook my head and took his hand in mine, and this time I made sure I had a firm grip. “You were never an inconvenience. Not ever. You were my purpose. My reason to be alive and happy at a time when everything felt so…hopeless. You remember me telling you that my mom was sick, right?”
Jake’s lips remained tight as he gave a clipped nod.
“It was right around the same time I found out you were coming into our lives. I was scared and excited but at the same time sick with worry about my mom. But I knew I needed to tell Noah somehow that he was going to be a father.”
I swallowed and looked off over Jake’s shoulder to the picturesque scene below. It was amazing how such a beautiful place could harbor such ugly secrets. I’d struck a deal here seventeen years ago, and today it was finally going to come to light.
“I came here, to the winery, to see if Harry would give me any information on Noah. I knew it was a long shot—Harry had made it clear that I wasn’t what he had planned for his son, and that didn’t change when I finally met him face to face.”
“Fuck Harry,” Jake said, and his cheeks flamed with agitation.
“He wasn’t a very good man, I agree.”
“That’s putting it nicely.”
“Yes. It is.” I angled my face up so I was looking Jake in the eye, knowing that what I had to say next was going to hurt the most.
“But when I went to see him, I told him about you. I told him that I wanted Noah to know. But Harry wouldn’t hear of it.”
My eyes blurred as I continued to stare into Jake’s unwavering gaze.
“He wouldn’t budge, not even an inch. But I was determined to find Noah and tell him myself. Harry knew that, though, and wasn’t about to let it happen. He wanted Noah to be free of all burdens so he could one day run the family business with a perfect little wife by his side. So he offered me the one thing he knew I couldn’t refuse to make sure that all happened…”
“He offered to help your mom.”
“Yes.” The word left me on a gasp, and I brought a hand up to cover my mouth as I nodded. “He promised to take care of her. That she would get the best care and he’d take care of all her bills. And we were poor, Jake. We lived day by day the best we could, so the promise of her health? An extra day or month to live?”