She shocked me when she said, “Can you stop here?”
It had been a long day, and all I wanted was to get to the hotel. But I couldn’t deny her request.
I slowed down. “Are you sure?”
She nodded.
The road was adjacent to an empty field. I pulled over onto the grass, and we both got out.
“Show me the exact spot where it happened,” she said.
Every muscle in my body clenched. Reliving the most traumatic moment of my life wasn’t something I’d expected to have to do tonight. But I’d do anything for her, even if it meant having to suffer through it.
She held my hand as I led her to where I remembered her father’s truck being parked that day.
Feeling nauseous, I stopped. “It was right about here.”
We stood together at the side of the road as a few cars whizzed by. I watched Farrah close her eyes and fall into an almost meditative state. So many emotions swirled through me. Most of all: guilt. She didn’t know the full story of what had happened. In fact, if she did, she likely wouldn’t want to be with me. Being here was a reminder of why the right thing to do would have been to let her go. It was too late for that, unfortunately.
“I can feel them here,” she said. “I can feel their presence. It’s amazing.” She opened her eyes and looked at me. “I feel like they can see us, too.”
My stomach churned. I knew in my heart that Farrah’s parents wouldn’t want us together if they were able to see us right now. I could only hope they were somehow able to forgive me. And I hoped I could garner the courage one day to tell Farrah exactly what had happened.
She reached for me, pulling me close before placing her head on my racing heart.
“I want you to let go of the pain, Jace.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding since practically the moment we stopped here. “I don’t know if I can do that.”
“I know you live with survivor’s guilt. It’s time to work on letting it go. I want to help. I think we need to come here often, spend time and habituate to the pain. We can get each other through it. My therapist actually recommended this very thing, but I don’t think I can do it alone. I want you with me.”
Coming here repeatedly sounded like torture, but maybe her suggestion made some sense. Maybe I could get through it if I had her by my side.
It started to rain, so we walked back to where my truck was parked and got in.
I was about to start the ignition when Farrah placed her hand on my arm. “Let’s just sit here for a while and listen to the rain.”
Looking at the time, I tried to convince her otherwise. “It’s past midnight. You sure you don’t want to just get to the hotel? Maybe we can do this another day.”
“Just for a little bit? I’m not ready to leave.”
I nodded. If this was what she needed right now, I wasn’t going to argue with her.
Over the next several minutes, I settled into a relaxed state while listening to the rain pelt my truck. Farrah leaned against my chest as I kissed the top of her head.
“I’ve never been this content in my life,” she said. “I know I should feel the opposite, considering we have to sneak around with each other, and that’s sort of dangerous, but I feel very safe when I’m with you.”
“Why do you like me so much?”
Her answer was immediate. “I don’t.”
“You don’t?” I chuckled.
She turned around. “I don’t like you…I love you.”
My heart felt like it was in a choke hold.
She repeated in a whisper, “I love you, Jace.”
I should’ve told her I loved her back, but I froze. I didn’t want her to think I was only saying it because she had.
Farrah straightened up to look me in the eyes. “Don’t feel like you have to say anything back, okay? I just wanted you to know how I feel.”
“I don’t feel like I deserve your love,” I said. “Even years ago, after I found out you had feelings for me, I always noticed the way you looked at me and felt undeserving of that admiration. When I came back here after all these years and found that you still looked at me that way, I felt even less deserving.” Placing my hands around her face, I tried my best to tell her exactly how I felt. “You said I make you feel safe… Well, you make me feel the same. When I’m with you, I don’t want anything or anyone else. I’ve never felt this way in my life. I—”
The sound of banging interrupted me. Then came a flash of light that hit me in the eyes. At first, it was hard to see through the raindrops. I thought it was a cop. But when I got a look at his face after lowering the window, I immediately wished to God that it had been the police. I turned to her. Regardless of how freaked out I was, there was nothing worse than having to witness the fear in Farrah’s eyes.
She trembled. “Oh no.”
How could this be happening?
How the hell did he know we were here?
“It’s gonna be okay,” I said, hoping that was true.
Vowing to be strong, I opened the door and got out. Farrah did the same.
“What the fuck is going on?” Nathan shouted in my face.
Trying my best to remain calm, I asked, “Why are you here?”
Nathan looked almost possessed, his eyes bugging out of his head and filled with rage in the pouring rain. “Why am I here? That’s a damn good question. How about…I’m not as stupid as you think! Both of you gone every single night from the freaking house? The way you make googly eyes at each other? I didn’t want to believe it for a long time. Then tonight it just hit me, like ‘how stupid can you be, Nathan?’” He turned his attention to Farrah. “I put two and two together, especially after you lied to me about staying home from work that day. I decided to drive by Kellianne’s after I dropped Crystal off tonight. Of course, your car was there, but no one was home. So, fine… I thought maybe by some chance I was wrong. I gave you the benefit of the doubt—figured maybe you were out with her in the middle of the goddamn night. So I decided to go home, and what do I see on my way back but a truck that looks an awful lot like Jace’s parked on the side of the road—in this spot of all places?”
Farrah’s voice was shaky. She wiped rain from her face. “We were going to tell you, Nathan.”
“Oh really? That’s easy to say now that I caught you, right? You’ve spent half your life throwing yourself at him. It finally worked for ya, huh?”
“Don’t talk to her like that.” I put my arm around her protectively.
He nearly spit on me when he said, “I have nothing to say to you. You can have any whore you want in this entire town, and you mess around with my sister? Seriously, how much lower can you get? You move in with us to help me out, and this is how you do it? By banging my sister, when you know damn well you’re not staying in Palm Creek?”
“I’d stay for her,” I immediately said.
“What? You can’t be serious.”
“I’m dead serious, Nathan. I wasn’t expecting it to happen, but I fell in love with your sister.”
Farrah’s eyes met mine, and the fear in them seemed to ease a little. That wasn’t the way I’d wanted to unleash those words, but here we were.