“I’m trying.” She sniffs. “But it’s so hard.”
“Unfortunately, it will get harder,” Dr. Becker inserts, drawing Molly’s attention to him. “But I know you’re a fighter, Molly. You fight those depressive thoughts and don’t let them control you. Take every minute you’re given with Lincoln, the kids, and your family. If you can’t control the depression, there are resources we can use to help.”
“Like what?”
“Therapy and medication.”
We spend the next few minutes talking over more of Molly’s symptoms, the possibilities of what could come next, and what medicines may give her some relief. It was a disheartening visit, but what we learned wasn’t all that surprising. Molly and I both have done extensive research on the internet on Gerstmann-Straussler-Scheinker, hoping by some miracle there is some clinical trial somewhere or special treatment plan some far off doctor was experimenting with. Not a fucking one. The disease is so uncommon, there are not enough people who have it to give doctors the opportunity to test theories. In a nutshell, Molly has zero chance of surviving this. There’s not even a hint of a way to slow it down either. And Molly’s mental and physical health is declining quicker than expected.
I hold on tight to Molly’s hand as we leave the doctor’s office with an appointment card for her next visit in four weeks.
Several hours later, after having spent the last few hours at Lindsay and Joe’s house eating dinner and spending time with them, I open Molly’s door and help her out of the car. Lindsay asked if the kids could spend the night. I’m sure she could sense Molly’s depressive mood and wanted to give us some alone time together. I could have kissed her when she made the suggestion.
The sun set about an hour ago, but the night is clear and beautiful. On impulse, instead of leading Molly to the front door, I steer her around to the back of the house.
“Where are we going?” she asks, her tone curious.
I don’t answer. Instead I wrap my arm around her waist to pull her closer to me and kiss the top of her head.
We don’t stop until we’re in the center of the yard where there are no trees hanging overhead. Grabbing her hand and giving her a smile, I pull her down to the ground with me. Her eyes soften and lose some of the grief.
“Stargazing, huh? It’s been a while since we’ve done this.”
“Way too long. I figured if there ever was a time to wish upon a star, now is the time.”
With our fingers locked together, we lie back on the thick grass. The sky is full of twinkling stars tonight with not a cloud in sight. I tuck one arm under my head and opt to look at my wife rather than the sky.
“The sky is beautiful tonight. So dark without a moon, but the stars seem brighter.”
“It is beautiful.”
I can barely make out her face in the darkness, but I hear her giggle just fine. The silhouette of her head turns toward me.
“So cliché.”
I grin. “What is?”
“When a woman says something is beautiful and the man agrees. But he’s not looking at whatever the woman is referring to but at her.”
“Doesn’t make it any less true. You grow more and more beautiful every day. Sometimes it’s hard to look at you because you’re so damn stunning.”
Her white teeth flash in the darkness. “Well, I have to say, you’re quite handsome yourself, Mr. Bradshaw.”
“I know.”
She snorts, the sound unladylike, but I love hearing it.
“Remember the night you asked me to be your girlfriend?” she asks after a few moments.
“I remember every moment I’ve spent with you. Especially that one, because it’s one of my favorites.”
She scoots closer and lies her head on my shoulder. Her fingers play with the buttons on my shirt.
“That was one of the best nights for me too. It was our first kiss and the moment I felt really complete. I was so nervous because even before you kissed me, I knew you were going to. I was worried I’d disappoint you. But once your lips settled on mine, my nerves calmed instantly. It was like something snapped into place.”
“Like our whole lives were leading to that moment,” I finish for her.
She lifts her head and looks at me. She’s so close I can see her eyes in the dark. Despite the lack of light, they sparkle like fireflies.
“Exactly,” she responds softly. “Do you ever wonder if God put us here with plans for us to meet?”
I tuck a piece of hair that’s blowing in the gentle breeze behind her ear. “I firmly believe that’s what happened. There’s no other explanation for the first time I met you. Even at only eight years old and not knowing what true love and soul mates were, I knew we were supposed to meet on that playground. It’s strange, but it was like my soul recognized yours.”
She sighs and her warm, sweet breath fans across my face.
“I was shocked you stood up to those punks that day, but I was also grateful.” She smiles again. “Then, you pretty much gave me no choice but to be your friend.”
A chuckle rumbles through me. “I would have fought you tooth and nail if you had denied me. No fucking way I would have left that playground any other way than we did. From the moment I saw you walk into the classroom before class started, you were mine, and I was yours.”
“There was never even a chance of me not accepting you as my friend.” She grins big as her face inches closer to mine. “But I will say it took you way too long to kiss me.”
“Believe me, I wanted to kiss you a lot sooner than I did. Those last couple of years were killer on my body. You have no clue how many times I played with myself to thoughts of you. It was damn hard controlling myself around you.”
Interest lights her eyes. “You did? What did you think about while you did?”
I roll us until she’s on her back, and I’m hovering over her. “Every-fucking-thing. Touching every inch of you, but especially right here.” I skim my hand over her breast, and her breath hitches. “And here.” I move my hand slowly down her stomach until I reach the apex of her thighs. She’s in a pair of lightweight shorts, and I press the heel of my palm over her pussy. Her back arches. “I was dying to know what you tasted like. I imagined touching you and tasting you. And what it would feel like if you touched me.” I press my hand harder against her, feeling her juices soaking through her shorts and panties. My cock grows painfully hard. “I was very imaginative with what I did to you during my fantasies.”
Her hands move to the hem of my shirt before skimming underneath the material. “Can I tell you a secret?” she pants.
Leaning down, I say against her lips, “What?”
“I played with myself while I thought of you too.” She wrinkles her nose. “I felt so dirty and wrong doing that, but I couldn’t help myself.”
A groan vibrates from my chest at the thought of my sweet Molly, who appeared so innocent back then, getting herself off to thoughts of me.
“Fuck, baby. I had no idea. But now that you told me, I don’t think I’ll ever get the image of you playing with yourself out of my mind.” I steal a kiss. “Tell me what you thought about.”